


Life After Life

by goodcasting



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Male Friendship, Multiple Pairings, POV Multiple, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reincarnation, Slow Burn, Soulmates, Taiga can be shipped to anyone, Work In Progress, no beta we die like Jesse's Japanese
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 45,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28504488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodcasting/pseuds/goodcasting
Summary: Matsumura Hokuto has a secret: he remembers his past life. As he quietly passed his days as a professor, his past life became harder to ignore as it gave him nightmares, and then there's Kyomoto Taiga, his student with an uncanny resemblance to his first love. Is he just a look-alike or just like Hokuto, Taiga is also a reincarnation?
Relationships: Kouchi Yugo & Jesse Lewis, Kouchi Yugo/Kyomoto Taiga, Kyomoto Taiga/Jesse Lewis, Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto, Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto/Tanaka Juri, Matsumura Hokuto & Morimoto Shintarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 47





	1. His Past and Present

**Author's Note:**

> I got inspired to write another Fantasy AU after my last drabble, but instead of this being another drabble, it got too long. About the relationship tags, it might look like I abused them, but if you read this you'll find out why. Although most relationship tags have "/" instead of "&", some of the relationships you'll find here are just really platonic.  
> Lastly, I wrote this with the intention to ship Taiga to everyone.

Prologue

_Aboard the sinking Titanic, 1912_

_He held tight on the railing as the ship began to tilt, he thought, this is his karma. This is his karma for leaving the woman he loves instead of fighting for her and this is his karma for marrying for money. He looked to the darkness from where the ship began its journey, back at London his land of birth, the land where he fell in love and broke someone’s heart, he closed his eyes and imagined himself talking to her, “If reincarnation is true and one day we’ll be born again at a different time, I hope you won’t be born as a man, just as I hope that I’d be able to make amends of the mistake I’ve done to you.” He took a deep breath as the ship tilted to a more dangerous angle, he could hear someone yelling for his name, but he has no time to look back, he could only look forward as he jumped into the frigid waters of the Atlantic._

**Chapter 1**

_Tokyo, 2019_

“For your assignment, I want you to write a 300 words essay if Medusa's ability to turn anyone to stone with her gaze is a blessing or curse, some argue that it was Athena’s way of protecting Medusa from men who wanted to rape her, but some also argue that it was Athena’s punishment because Medusa made love with Poseidon in Athena's temple. See you on Thursday, class dismissed,” Hokuto said. His order was met with groans from his students, it’s only the middle of April, and everyone acted as though they’ve studied for the entire year.

Hokuto stared back at the projector, Medusa by Caravaggio glared back at him with the ferocity of a woman scorned, if the myth was real, Hokuto would have now turned to a stone. Medusa’s image was supposed to frighten people, but Hokuto pitied Medusa, she was a victim of the gods who decided to use their superiority and play with her life. He smiled with bitterness after he recalled how he argued with his professor back at Eton who maintained his stance that Medusa was a monster, nothing more, nothing less.

Hokuto smiled with malice, he should forget about his past life, but sometimes, they came back like a nagging reminder that he, too, might be a victim of the gods in play. Maybe he should also put that out as an assignment, is it a blessing or a curse for you to remember your past life? Yes, he remembers his past lives and this is his third rebirth. His first birth was in London, England in 1886, his second birth was in Berlin, Germany in 1928, and his third happened here in Tokyo, Japan in 1993. He has no idea how he could remember his past life, he was not even sure how correct were his memories, but he knew one thing for sure, he would be treated as crazy if he told anyone. 

Hokuto took a deep breath before he knocked at the huge oak doors in the administrative building of Bakada University, he slowly opened it when he heard the Supreme Headmaster’s voice telling him to enter. Hokuto bowed slightly upon seeing the pink-tinged hair of his boss, it gave him slight discomfort how his boss is almost the same age as him but is the Headmaster of a University.

“You called for me, headmaster?”

“Yes, Matsumura-sensei, please take a seat,” he gestured Hokuto to seat on one of the Louis XIV chairs in front of his huge mahogany table topped with an unusual marble surface, like a portal of some sort. Hokuto sat quietly, his past family also owned Louis XIV chairs back in their stately home in Devonshire, but his predecessors were squanderers who left the estate in poor condition. When it was Hokuto’s turn to inherit the Earldom, the estate was in huge debt and close to ruins. He shook his head again, he should forget, just forget.

“Do you have a headache, Matsumura-sensei? You’ve been shaking your head,” the headmaster asked.

“Uhm, no, headmaster, it was nothing.”

“Eh, I told you to just call me Juri, in fact, you can also call me Juttan, we’re almost the same age,” he said as his gold jewelry shone their brightness toward Hokuto.

Hokuto feigned a laugh, “I can’t do that, headmaster, you are still the headmaster of this University.”

“Fine, fine, then just call me by my surname, Tanaka, are you comfortable with that?”

“O-okay, Tanaka-san,” Hokuto forced himself to say with what he hoped sounded casual despite his obvious discomfort. 

“That’s better,” he crossed his thin arms across his chest, “by the way, you have some famous people on your class roster.”

“Ah, really?”

“Yes, I’ve been informed that Kyomoto Taiga is taking your European History class,” Tanaka said in a way that he expected a grand reaction from Hokuto but he received nothing but a blank stare.

“You-don’t-know-him?” Tanaka asked with obvious aghast.

“I do know him,” Hokuto corrected, “his name is in my list but he hasn’t attended any of my classes and if he’s still absent next week then I’ll mark him as 'dropped'.”

“No, no, no, do you know Kyomoto Taiga as a celebrity? A singer? A musical actor?” Tanaka asked with mounting urgency. “A guy with the voice and face of an angel?”

Hokuto straightened his back, Tanaka-san looked slightly murderous right now and he knew that one wrong answer might end his career, but he really has no idea who Kyomoto Taiga is. In fact, Japan still looked so foreign to him. After spending his past two lives in Europe, Japan is too overwhelming; everything is too colorful, too loud, too bright, too fast, too crowded that he couldn’t believe how much things have changed since his last death in 1954. He found Japan too shocking that he made a mental note that he’d live his life as quietly as possible until his death.

“Uhm, what did you call me here for?” Hokuto changed the topic instead, “I have another class in an hour,” he lied.

“Well,” Tanaka seemed that he didn't want to drop the topic and that he had forgotten what he called Hokuto for, “ah, it’s also about Kyomoto Taiga.”

Hokuto raised an eyebrow, this doesn’t sound good.

“You see, he’s very busy, he can’t attend most of the physical classes, so how about giving him some leeway like just giving him assignments or modules, perhaps?”

Hokuto pretended to think about it, “Tanaka-san, when you offered me this job, remember what you told me?”

He saw Tanaka swallowed, “what did I say?” he asked carefully.

“You told me that you’re giving me a free rein and that you will never bother me with how I teach.”

“I said something that cool?”

“Yes, Tanaka-san, again, this Kyomoto Taiga will be marked as ‘dropped’ from my class if he doesn’t attend next week, I think that’s better than 'fail'.” Hokuto didn't wait for Tanaka to answer, he stood up, made a brief bow before he left the headmaster’s office.

He took a deep breath once he was out of the room, he looked outside as there was a flurry of sakura fluttered like wings of a butterfly after a strong wind. He took out his phone and took a picture, there were three good things he loved about being born again at this time, its the camera phone, sakura, and shichimi. He took another deep breath, inhaling the lingering smell of Spring. This Kyomoto Taiga would have to wait until next year to pass this subject since there would be a new professor teaching European history. Hokuto sighed, this would be his last year as a professor because if there was one thing permanent in Hokuto’s life of death and rebirth, it’s that he would always die a day before he turns 27. Now, would that be a blessing or a curse?

*

Kyomoto Taiga stretched his arms for as long he could before cracking his knuckles, he adjusted his glasses as he looked at his laptop screen with the ferocity of a tiger about to devour his captured prey. Then, he began typing like mad.

“This bitch,” Taiga mumbled as he typed, “Ha, you jerk, I’ll make you see your end-”

“What are you doing?” Kouchi asked when he entered Taiga’s room while eating a banana. He looked over Taiga’s shoulder and scowled. “Taiga, stop defending yourself to your bashers, you don’t even know them, some of them are trolls, some might even be a _bot_ ,” he said and slumped on the tomato bean bag on the foot of Taiga’s bed.

“Exactly, I don’t know them, and they don’t know me either so I don’t deserve this!” Taiga snapped and continued his rampage in answering hate replies from a certain forum where someone posted that he, Kyomoto Taiga, used his star status and his father's influence to get into a university where he never attended any of his classes. In Taiga’s defense, his career as a solo singer and a stage actor really took off before he was set to attend college so he got too busy for school. Besides, it was the university who offered him a scholarship because they wanted famous people in their school for publicity.

“My brain is bleached because I kept on dyeing my hair blonde?! Ha?!” Taiga raged on and composed a reply.

“Seriously though, you might have to go back to school,” Kouchi said, completely unfazed with his burst of anger.

“What the fuck?!”

“That issue got big, someone from the Ministry of Education wants to check all the universities if they have admitted students because of special favors so you have to go back for a while until the issue dies down.”

Taiga’s mouth was left hanging, he got a _butai_ in 2 months, he would be recording an album in 4 months, and he got a concert tour in 6 months. His entire year had been planned and going back to school to take classes is not among them. Fuck, he’s also 26 years old, his college life has passed-by him and he has no intention of chasing it.

“That can’t be true,” Taiga said in a quiet voice as panic starts to sink in. 

“Just accept your fate.”

“Why are you so chill about this?” Taiga knew about Kouchi’s laidback attitude, they’ve been friends since high school after all, and Kouchi would act as his break when Taiga gets too reckless over stuff.

“Why shouldn’t I be chill? I graduated from college 3 years ago.”

“Yeah, but once I stop working, your free rent on my apartment would also stop.”

“Oi!” Kouchi protested, his eyes wide, “I’ve been doing the cooking and cleaning since I’ve moved in, frankly, you should be paying me.”

“I really don’t want to study, can I just drop out?”

“How many units you have left anyway?”

Taiga shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Do you even know what your major is?” Kouchi asked with dread.

“Is it not music?” Taiga asked, also unsure, but if it was a scholarship then it should be music-related, right?

“Have you ever attended a class?” 

Taiga slowly shook his head, “During my first year, then I’ve just been given modules, which I personally answered,” he said proudly.

Kouchi also shook his head, “you’re really in a deep shit, I’ll cook you a tomato soup since you might need it.”

Taiga scratched his head the moment Kouchi left his room, his dilemma started when that news broke out about a son of a rich businessman who got into a state university without taking the exams in exchange for a donation. After that, more people came forward with similar news, and those from the entertainment industry were not excluded from that scandal. He let out a sigh, it’s true that he received that scholarship for publicity’s sake and it’s also true that he was offered that scholarship because his dad is one of the notable alumni of the university. Basically, Taiga being offered a scholarship is sort of nepotism and as much as possible, he didn’t want to drag his family into this mess.

Taiga saw an internet ad on top of the forum and opened it, he sneered as he watched Jesse’s commercial for his upcoming single. Jesse, whether Taiga would admit it or not, is technically his biggest rival in the industry. Both of them are the soloist and their only difference is that he’s big in variety shows while Taiga’s on musicals. Then, Taiga’s eyes grew wide as he saw that it wasn’t just a CM for Jesse’s upcoming single, it was also a CM for a web documentary of Jesse’s college life as he juggles being a star and studying with Advertising and Marketing as his majors.

“Advertising and Marketing?! This is obviously fake, he couldn’t even read Japanese properly and he has double majors? I bet he also received a scholarship for publicity,” Taiga muttered and his eyes widen when he realized that Jesse and he goes to the same Uni.

“Fuck.” To make matters worse, the advert also showed a snippet of Jesse being asked about Taiga.

“Our staff were informed that Kyomoto Taiga also goes to Bakada University,” the voice in the background said, malice evident in her tone.

“Really?” Jesse answered before he shrugged, “it’s only my second year here, but I never saw him, hasn’t he graduated yet?” he asked followed by a huge grin.

Taiga didn’t think that his eyes could grow wider, how dare that jerk imply that he doesn't go to school? Well, he really doesn't go to school but that's beside the point. He marched out of his room and into the kitchen where he could smell tomatoes, marjoram, and parmesan. He tapped Kouchi who glanced at him with surprise, “Kouchi, I decided that for a while, I’m going back to school.” Kouchi could only scowl and shook his head as Taiga's evil laughter echoed around the apartment.


	2. Time Starts

**Chapter 2**

“What if you were born again so you can correct the wrong from your past life?” Shintaro asked before he placed a copy of Kate Atkinson’s “Life after Life” novel. Hokuto gave it a quick glance before splitting his chopsticks.

“I’ve read it and its premise wouldn’t work for me,” Hokuto said before he slurped his tsukimi soba. He found the soup too bland and added more shichimi; he loves shichimi, he couldn’t believe that such an amazing thing didn’t exist in Europe before, and he couldn’t remember how he ate during those years where he never learned about shichimi. 

“How can you be so sure? Never made a mistake in your life?” Shintaro grimaced after saw how red Hokuto’s soba has become.

“Well, it’s not about mistakes, but more of the time difference. I mean,” Hokuto looked around to make sure that no one is within earshot before he continued, “I first died in 1912 then I was born again in 1928, in those 16 years difference, my remaining family in England have perished from the Spanish Flu. What could I correct within that time? Also, I only managed to go to London after the war, I wasn't even sure if my memories were correct, I thought that everything was just delusions until I confirmed my lineage from Brooke's Peerage. Oh, there’s also the issue of where I was born again; first, it was in London, then Germany, and now I’m born in Japan after 39 years of my death, I’ve never been to Japan in my past life nor have I met a Japanese person, there couldn't be any connection.”

“Oh, okay,” Shintaro said, looking so dejected that Hokuto felt bad. He ‘met’ Shintaro via Twitter, he’s a mystery writer who asked the Twitterverse for any strange stories. For some equally strange reason, Hokuto felt pulled by him, and soon enough, he contacted him to share his own strange story.

“Please don’t feel bad about this, I mean, I’m already thankful that you listened and believed me,” Hokuto said with utmost sincerity. Shintaro has no idea how much pressure has been lifted from his chest when he shared his story. Hokuto felt like he could trust Shintaro with his past, but there were two things he couldn't share, first is that he might die the day before he turned 27 and the second one is the sad story of his first love. In fact, the main reason he pursued returning to London during his second life was that he wanted to search for her, he might not be too sure of his memories, but he was sure that he was in love with her. He hoped that she survived the Spanish Flu and the war, but he didn’t find her, it was like she disappeared without a trace.

“It’s okay, I’m just really curious why this happened to you. Didn’t they say that everything happens for a reason? Surely, there’s a reason for this and we have to find it.”

Hokuto smiled softly, Shintaro making this his own quest really touched him, “well, it’s my third life, if there was some great reason behind this, I hope to find it before I d-”

“Before what?”

“Before, ah, I lost my train of thought,” he pretended to think hard before he changed the topic, “by the way, do you know this Kyomoto Taiga?”

“Hmmm, why? Are you finally getting in touch with the present instead of saying how Clark Gable and Humphrey Bogart were the best actors that ever lived?”

“Shintaro, no one can beat Clark Gable and Humphrey Bogart, and I only asked because the university’s headmaster seemed too concern about this Kyomoto.”

“Ahh, I know his songs, he has a good voice, but I’m more of Jesse’s fan, he’s a lot more fun compared to Kyomoto who looks so serious.”

“Jesse? As in Jesse Lewis? He's a singer?”

“Yes, why? Do you know him?”

“He’s in my class, he seems quiet though.”

“Eh? Jesse’s quiet? Woah, I think what you see on TV is really different from how they are in real life, huh?”

Hokuto nodded, he could relate to that aspect where he felt different in his own real life. He didn’t feel real, his life didn’t feel real, and he actually wished it was true; he wished that this is just a long dream, and one day he would wake-up.

***

Taiga carefully tucked his blond locks behind his ear and adjusted his glasses, he could hear distant squeals from his fans followed by “he’s really a prince” to “he’s an angel”. He really worked hard for today’s ‘show’, he had his make-up artist and stylist to give him a preppy look while still having the pizazz of Chiaki-senpai. He savored all the praises he could hear, hoping that it would make him feel good because he’s really pissed right now.

“Art fucking history,” Taiga whispered to no one. He’s beginning to think that Bakada University is really that sketchy because why in the world would they offer an Art History scholarship to Taiga when music has been all his life. He never felt so stupid and he even embarrassed himself after he paraded in the Beethoven building, he thought that he belonged there only to be ousted to the Registrar’s office where he learned the awful truth. He sighed as he stared at his new school ID, he looks good- as always- when he was really dying inside. He scanned his course syllabus and class schedule before thanked the heavens that he only has one class today, Art of the 19th and 20th Centuries, and maybe he shouldn’t be too thankful because he might fall asleep during class.

“Eh, Kyomoto-senpai?” said a cheery voice behind him and Taiga fought the urge not to roll his eyes when Jesse sat beside him. Taiga casually looked around the outdoor lounge where several students have their eyes feasted on them, some even snapped up their phones.

“Hello,” Taiga said stiffly and resumed pretending that he was studying his course syllabus.

“So it’s true, you really go here,” Jesse fawned over, “I thought you have graduated, I mean, aren’t you three years older than me?”

Taiga feigned a laugh before turning to Jesse, “oh you know, I got too busy with work, with my number 1 singles and albums,” he said with emphasis, “then, I also have stage plays and concert so I decided to delay graduating for a while.”

“Ah,” Jesse nodded followed by shaking his reddish hair. “By the way, uhm, how’s your friend?”

“Which friend?”

“The one who was with you when we performed in Music Station Special Live last year? The one with a bright smile-”

“Kouchi? What about him?” Taiga asked with mounting suspicion.

“Well, uhm, I just want to give him my new single,” he opened his bag and produced three copies, “singles actually, I have three versions and they would be released in two weeks but I’m giving him an advance copy,” he thrust the copies to Taiga’s hands that he couldn’t do anything but reluctantly accept them. Jesse might be his rival but he knew that CDs were the fruit of everyone's hard work, saying no would be rude.

“Why are you giving Kouchi your CD’s?”

“Oh, well,” Taiga swore that Jesse blushed. “He gave me really helpful advice so this is my way of saying thanks.” He made a show of checking his watch when it was obviously just black, “oh, I have class soon, I have to go, I’ll see you around, senpai,” he said and almost hurt himself as he dashed-off. Taiga could only shake his head before shoving the CDs into his bag when a strong gust of wind flew with pages of his course syllabus and schedule went flying as well. He muttered a curse before picking it up, some nearby students helped him as well and he thanked them one-by-one as he compiled them together.

“Kyomoto Taiga?”

“Yes?” Taiga turned a saw a man with his outstretched arm holding another page of his syllabus. He must be a professor based on the maroon color of his ID lace, he thought.

“Thank you for picking this up,” Taiga respectfully said and quickly glanced at the name on his ID, Matsumura Hokuto, it reads. He pulled the paper from his grasp, but he wouldn’t let go of the paper.

“Kyo-moto Tai-ga?” He repeated while his hand remained firm on the paper.

“Yes, I’m Kyomoto Taiga,” he answered and that was when he got a good look of this Matsumura Hokuto. His nose so perfect, it might have been chiseled, his skin specked with moles and freckles that he looked so endearing, and his eyes looked like it holds a wealth of secret and intellect.

“I guess I’ll be seeing you next week, Kyomoto Taiga,” Matsumura said before passing him by.

Taiga followed the retreating back of Matsumura Hokuto-sensei, he has this nagging feeling that he got him angry for some reason. He let out a heavy sigh before checking out his syllabus, he saw that this Matsumura-sensei would be his professor for European History, he sighed again, how many history classes he has to take to graduate?

He looked around as he felt that there was a strong gaze upon him, but there was almost no one around, his so-called fans might have gone to their classes, and the other students were busy. He shoved his syllabus into his bag and checked the time on his phone, it was only his first day but he felt like he would hate this already.

*

Hokuto found himself trembling as he sat in his faculty's cubicle, he reached for his aqua flask and drank the water straight. He steadied his breath and reached for his phone, he debated whether he should tell Shintaro about whom he saw, but decided against it upon remembering that hasn’t told Shintaro that part of his life. He put his phone down, opened his laptop, and typed a common English name. It yielded a lot of results, most of which were from modern times and none from his time. Hokuto needed to calm himself, “it’s not her,” he said once and repeated it over and over again to convince himself, but the blond hair, aquiline nose, prominent cheekbones when she smiles, and her best feature of all, her eyes, those brown eyes with double eyelids and cute under-eye fat that could turn a hard man soft with just a stare, it was all her.

“But she is not her, he’s a he,” he said softly before he entered Taiga’s name in the search bar, he took a deep breath and pressed “images”, Taiga’s most recent pictures appeared, he even had pictures that were taken today at the university. Hokuto could only sigh as he stared at a face so familiar yet so foreign at the same time, he was about to press one picture when he felt the hair on his nape rose. He slowly looked back and saw the headmaster casually leaning over his cubicle.

“Head-I mean, Tanaka-san.”

“Matsumura-sensei, I see that you’ve taken an interest with my Kyomoto,” he said while in a wistful tone.

“Uhm, no, I-I just got curious,” he mumbled but Tanaka-san’s “my Kyomoto” didn’t escape Hokuto’s notice. He wondered, could they be related, or was there something deeper?

“It’s okay sensei, a face like Kyomoto doesn’t come too often so I understand why you have to stare at his pictures during working hours.”

“I-I really don’t, it wasn’t intentional,” Hokuto knew that the more excuses he made, the more he looked guilty. Even other members of the faculty were looking over his side.

The headmaster simply nodded in understanding, Hokuto knew that it was not because he believed his excuses but because he believes what he believed.

“Anyway, sensei, I’m here to give you your present.”

“P-present?” Hokuto noticed the wooden box on his table.

“Yes, for your birthday.”

Hokuto scowled, “uhm, my birthday is in June, it’s only April.”

“Whatever,” Tanaka said with a sway of his hand. “You would still celebrate it this year, are you not?”

“Well, I guess. I mean, yes, I’ll celebrate it.”

“Good, here’s your present, open it,” he said hurriedly and shoved the wooden box to Hokuto’s. The box felt heavy and fragile, he looked back at Tanaka, his face expectant so Hokuto decided that he should look happy when he opened the package.

He slid the top and despite his best efforts to look happy, his real feeling surfaced. “An hourglass?” he said, nonplussed, and raised the huge hourglass that’s as long as his forearm. The handle made of gleaming solid brass, the glass bulbs thick but clear, and the sand inside is blackest of black he had ever seen.

“You can count a year with this hourglass,” Tanaka said, he flipped it over, and placed it on the corner of Hokuto's table. Hokuto’s eyes widen the moment the black sand transferred to the other bulb and the color went pink.

“Pink? How?”

“Magic,” Tanaka replied as though that was the only explanation that mattered, “time is precious, sensei, and time starts now.” He gave Hokuto a pat on his shoulder before he went out of his cubicle and shouted that he would treat everyone to coffee and donuts and the faculty erupted with whistles and applause.

Hokuto looked back at the hourglass, the pink sand slowly accumulates at the other end, he flipped the hourglass and nothing happened, the pink sand won’t fall back to the black. He shook the hourglass and noticed that not only it was getting heavier, but the pink sand also would never mix with the black. Hokuto let out a sigh and placed the hourglass back to where Tanaka has placed it, pink sand trickled down again, and Hokuto could only stare at such as a useless gift.


	3. Their Present

Kouchi could feel his veins pumping the moment he saw how much he has saved, he also felt like crying, all those years he spent living free in Taiga's posh apartment in exchange for being his butler has been all worth it, he might be able to buy his dream bike before the end of this year. He entered the apartment feeling giddy only to find his Off-White Rimowa luggage on the landing area.

"What the-?" He didn't finish the question, he knew, Taiga's in one of his moods again.

"What did I do this time?" He asked with exasperation and wheeled the luggage to the living room. He found Taiga doing a bad show of pretending that he was busy watching a Broadway version of the same play that he would soon do.

"Oh, you're here, traitor," Taiga said after giving Kouchi his perfected evil glare. The perfected eyeliner he wore just gave that glare an added sharpness. 

"Traitor? Okay, that's new," Kouchi said in a lazy drawl and slumped on the sofa next to Taiga. "How and when did I betray you?"

Taiga didn't answer, instead, he pressed something on the remote, and on TV is Jesse with what looks like his music video featuring him busking in the middle of a crowded pedestrian underground.

"Uhm, I still don't get it," Kouchi said.

Taiga rolled his eyes, he removed the throw pillow on the center table, and what's underneath it were three CDs with Jesse on the cover.

"If you're thinking I bought that, I swear, I didn't," Kouchi was quick to defend himself.

Taiga opened one of the CDs, he removed the jacket cover that also happened to be a mini photobook and he spread it for Kouchi to see. Kouchi couldn't believe what he was seeing, on the photobook was written, "Kouchi, thank you for your help and support - Jesse", and that's not all, Jesse also wrote with what Kouchi thinks is his personal email and mobile number.

"Now why would we he give me this?" Kouchi was really confused, did someone impersonate him? Did he ever give the impression that he liked Jesse or his music?

"You really have no idea why he would give this to you?" Taiga asked, his eyes still sharp.

"Taiga," he said with a long pause, "I don't even listen to your songs." Taiga punched the pillow on him that he felt like he might have dislocated a shoulder.

"He said that you helped him, probably at the Music Station Special Live-"

"Ah, that?!"

"So, you now remember?"

"Well, it's nothing grand," Kouchi answered, still confused, "he performed before you and after that, I don't know what came into me, but I told him that if he's struggling with the G minor then he could do what you do-" Kouchi stopped when he realized what he did.

"Basically, you helped him by sharing my technique with him?"

"It was not intentional!" Kouchi said quickly, "it was a very long show and I got bored. I swear that's our only interaction, nothing more, nothing less." He smiled with what he hoped would appease Taiga, frankly, he didn’t know why was there a need to explain in the first place.

"Then," Taiga took the mini photobook again, "since you said that, then it's okay if I tear this apart?"

"Of-" Kouchi was sure he wanted to say yes, but wouldn't it be rude on his part not to even say thank you to Jesse? "Taiga, remember what you always told me? CDs are the labor of hard work of everyone involved and-"

"Fine, okay, you win," Taiga said and threw the photobook back at the table, "by the way, was there a Matsumura Hokuto-sensei when you were still in Bakada?"

"Matsumura Hokuto? The name's familiar but I don't think he was ever my professor," Kouchi said, the name is really familiar though, in fact, he felt like he'd seen the name before he heard it from Taiga's lips.

Then, they heard an all too familiar ringtone, it was a ringtone reserved for Taiga's manager. "Oh it's Okabe, I'll answer this," Taiga said and left the living room to the balcony.

Kouchi let out a sigh of relief once Taiga was gone, he didn't know why he suddenly felt tired, he also didn't know why he must apologize for these CDs that he didn't even ask.

He opened his shoulder bag and dropped Jesse's CDs in it when he saw the letters, most of which were their bills, which he took from the mailbox before he went up. That's when he realized where he saw the name Matsumura Hokuto, it was the mailbox next to theirs. Kouchi looked over at Taiga's, he seemed busy with whatever business he has, so he'd just tell him about it later, he took his luggage and wheeled it back to his room.

***

Jesse just finished his rehearsal for his upcoming single promotion and he went straight to his bag to check his phone. As expected with his Mr. Congeniality persona, he had lots of messages, most of which were asking him for a dinner, movie, theme park, karaoke, shopping, and the activities goes on, but not a single message from the person he had been waiting for.

"I wonder if senpai gave my CDs to him?"

He picked up his guitar and started strumming, Taiga debuted a year earlier than him and because of that, he thought that it would be easy to be friends with him, but he was wrong. Taiga gave off this Regina George "you can't sit with me" aura that it was hard to reach him, even Jesse's gags won't work on him, Taiga became a star for Jesse, a star that you could only appreciate from afar but never to touch or you'll get burned.

That was until he saw Taiga with Kouchi, he was like a ray of sunshine around Taiga; his star radiated brighter with Kouchi around, but instead of burning people, his brightness gave off warmth and pleasantries. Jesse thought of Kouchi as the ladder that he needed to overcome Taiga's wall or a draw bridge he also needed to cross the river that Taiga built around him, and for that, he had to be friends first with Kouchi.

_Ping…_

Jesse dived to his phone and saw an unknown number have messaged him, his heart hammered as he read the message written in the most formal Japanese he had ever read, "Jesse-san, this is Kouchi Yugo, I'm Taiga's friend. I received the CDs that you gave me, it warmed my heart to received such an unexpected gift from an unexpected person. I will take time to listen to your songs, and hopefully, you're no longer struggling that much with the G-minor! Again, thank you for the CDs, I will treasure them. Sincerely." Jesse smiled sheepishly that when he looked up, he saw his choreographer smiling at him.

"Did your crush message you? Girlfriend?"

"Uhm, no, a friend-a friend sent me a gag," he before turning back to his phone, "you're welcome, Kouchi-san", he typed and added, "Let's meet soon for a meal." He might look like a lovesick fool but at least, he finally made a friend that would take him closer to Taiga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -If G minor isn't that hard, then, just believe that it is. Sorry~ Jesse mentioned something in his blog but I forgot and I don't have the time to backread.


	4. Nightmares and Nightingale

Hokuto screamed himself awake, he was shivering so bad that he had to wrap his comforter around him, he felt the chill, the chill like no other, the chill that seeped through his skin to his bones that it left him with agonizing pain. He willed himself to calm down, he crossed his arms across his chest and started lightly tapping his shoulders, like a mother putting a child to sleep. His hands felt cold as ice as he gave himself a pat then, he heard the screams, the screams of help, the screams of those who didn't want to die, then there was silence, an eerie silence followed by the ringing of his ears.

Hokuto covered his ears with his cold hands, his nose flared as he breathes erratically, his head pounded from the pressure of his pulse, he willed himself to recall those grounding techniques he had to learn, those grounding techniques to take him back to his current reality, the reality that he was no longer drowning in the freezing waters, and the reality that he's now Matsumura Hokuto, 25 years old, and a professor in Japan. Although he also knew, the grounding techniques might help him get back to reality, but it would never erase the fact that the past he was trying to run away from was also his reality.

He hugged the comforter around him and he walked toward the balcony, he needed air, he felt suffocated that he needed resolution. The early spring air greeted him when he opened the door, he felt the coldness tripled, he took a deep breath and looked down at the empty streets below, the dark road reminded him of the ocean where he experienced death twice and it seemed to be inviting him, why wait for his possible death next year when he could do it today? He would be probably reborn again. In fact, if he would be reborn again with these memories, wouldn't it be better if he just die than suffer?

He placed his hands on the edge of the balcony when the ringing of his ears started to subside, then, he heard a voice, someone is singing. He looked up at the balcony above him, he sometimes hears his upstairs neighbor playing his guitar on the balcony, but he never heard him sing until now.

_Have you ever felt like nobody was there?_

_Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere?_

_Have you ever felt like you could disappear?_

_Like you could fall, and no one would hear?_

Hokuto closed his eyes, his hearing getting clearer, his breathing slowed, and his pulse steadying. His upstairs neighbor's voice seeps through like the coldness he felt earlier, but instead of coldness, he felt the warmth spread as though he drank a hot chocolate on a winter morning. If he could listen to his neighbor's singing every night, then, he would keep his balcony door opened, he would be like that emperor listening to his Nightingale on his deathbed.

_Even when the dark comes crashing through_

_When you need a friend to carry you_

_And when you're broken on the ground_

_You will be found_

_So let the sun come streaming in_

_'Cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again_

_Lift your head and look around_

_You will be found..._

***

Taiga didn't know how he would manage to survive the day with only 3 hours of sleep, but somehow, he's still managing it with butai rehearsals in the morning, a magazine interview during lunch, and two classes by afternoon. He took a deep breath, this would be his second and last class for the day, but his day wouldn't be over just yet, he had another butai rehearsal that would probably run until 9 in the evening.

"Kyomoto-senpai, senpai, senpai!"

Taiga wanted to pretend that he didn't see Jesse waiving at him like a loved-one who fetched you at the airport, but his loud voice and green hair is hard to ignore, moreover, students were looking at his direction anticipating how he would respond. Taiga forced himself to smile and went over at Jesse's, who despite his enormous height, had chosen to sit in front. Taiga didn't really want to sit in front, he was hoping to squeeze in some sleep but he guessed that would be impossible.

"Good afternoon," Matsumura-sensei greeted them with the energy of someone who also had 3 hours of sleep, it was obvious that he didn't expect a reply from them and just ordered all their essays to be submitted in front. Taiga reluctantly took the assignments behind him, as this was his first day in class, he had no idea about the assignment just as how he had no idea about their lesson. Well, Kouchi did tell him to use the syllabus as a guide on what he should expect as the next lesson but he paid him no heed.

Their sensei gave each essay a quick scan before looking at him, Taiga immediately diverted his gaze and pretended to be interested in Jesse's wild handwriting.

"Nothing to submit, Kyomoto-san?"

Taiga pursed his lips, did his sensei really expect him to submit something?

"Kyomoto-senpai wasn't here last week, sensei!" Jesse quipped and beamed at him as though he expected to be thanked. Taiga remained unimpressed, Jesse is a rival, period.

"Very well then, since Kyomoto didn't submit an essay, why don't we listen to his answer?" Matsumura-sensei turned on the projector and a familiar image flashed.

"Do you know who is she, Kyomoto-san?"

"Uhm, isn't that Versace's logo?"

The class erupted into laughter, Taiga could feel his cheeks burned when Jesse quipped, "Senpai is right though, Versace's logo is Medusa," he turned to beamed at Taiga again and Taiga had this urge to pat him on the head like a good dog. So that's Medusa, Taiga thought, he knew that much at least.

"Very well then," Matsumura-sensei adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose, "Kyomoto-san, is it a blessing or a curse for Medusa that she could turn anyone to stone with just her gaze?" He asked with his nose down at him.

"Uhm, well," Taiga started, having that kind of ability would never be a blessing, but Medusa lived in a different time and that could actually be helpful.

"Kyomoto-san?"

"Uhm, I-I'd go with either," Taiga answered with reluctance.

"Pardon?"

"Uhm, I mean, uhm, it's either a blessing or a curse."

"And your reason is?"

"Well, Medusa lived at a different time, a time where gods do as they pleased and Medusa was transformed into a monster without her consent."

"Then, wouldn't that count as a curse?"

"Not really, it did help her to ward off advances by men, men who thought of her as a challenge and never as a person. You can say that those who were turned to stone were just getting what they deserved."

"But Medusa also died because of her ability, Perseus beheaded her for gaze."

_Who the fuck is Perseus?_ Taiga wanted to ask but his pride wouldn't allow him. He took a deep breath, Medusa could turn anyone to stone, if this Perseus killed her, then it must be related to that her ability.

"That's unfortunate," Taiga threaded carefully, "but even in death, unintentional it might be, she was still able to help Perseus." _Right?_ Taiga could only hope.

"Then, wouldn't her ability be counted as a blessing then?"

Taiga intertwined his fingers together, "I would still go with either, at the end of the day that question could only be answered by those who were affected by her presence or by her ability, indirectly or not, but if there's one thing I'm sure of, I feel bad for Medusa, she didn't even ask to be born, didn't ask to have that power, but she did and she had to live with it until her death."

Taiga looked up, saw Matsumura-sensei looked back at him with his eyebrow raised, he cleared his throat before he thanked him for his answer. Taiga sat back down, Jesse poised his hand for a fist bump, which Taiga happily obliged.

***

"Kyomoto is interesting? Isn't he?"

Hokuto almost jumped when Tanaka-san appeared out of nowhere, he stayed back to grade some papers since he didn't want to bring work at home. He was surprised to see the headmaster, but he was more surprised that Tanaka didn't sit in his class since Hokuto assumed that he would want to see _his_ Kyomoto. Although Tanaka didn't sit in his class, he was outside, pretending to be checking the school when Hokuto's class ended. Tanaka made a show that he was surprised to see Kyomoto and Jesse although his full attention had been on Kyomoto alone. Hokuto could only wonder why since he had no intention of asking him.

"Tanaka-san, good evening," he said, "Kyomoto-san is interesting, just as the rest of my students," he lied. Kyomoto's earlier rebuttal surprised him, because Hokuto knew that he would have answered the same, and not just him _, she_ would answer the same as well. But what Hokuto didn't expect the most was when Kyomoto stayed back after class, Hokuto thought that he would ask for some leeway, just as Tanaka have asked him earlier, but Kyomoto asked him on what chapters he needed to read to catch-up with the classes he missed, he also asked what chapter he needed to read in advance. It seemed so atypical of him but so typical of her, Hokuto shook his head again, _he's not her_ , he repeated.

"Ah, is that so?" Tanaka looked so unconvinced but he didn't push. "I'm getting impatient, should I give it a push?"

"I have no idea what you're trying to say Tanaka-san," Hokuto said, confusion etched in his face.

"Oh, don't mind me, I was just talking to myself."

Hokuto nodded but he remained confused, he couldn't continue with his work with Tanaka hovering around.

"Ah, do you want me to leave?"

Hokuto wanted to say yes but he couldn't really say that to the headmaster's face.

"I'll leave then, I'm happy to see that you're using the hourglass, I guess I'll wait a bit more." He left Hokuto with an apologetic smile and he got more confused than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song featured is "You will be found" from Dear Evan Hansen Musical


	5. Caramel Macchiato

"Oh, fuck shit!" Kouchi muttered as he almost stepped on Taiga who was sprawled on the living room carpet, he touched him with his foot and gave him a light nudge, Taiga stirred a bit but remained asleep.

Kouchi stilled his heart before his eyes moved to the books and notebooks on the table, he went nearer and scanned it, based on the highlights, it looked like Taiga have read almost 6 chapters of his European History, quite a few chapters in Approaches to Chinese Painting History as well as in Art in the 19th and 20th Century. His neat handwriting almost filled his notebooks and when Kouchi noticed that he left his iPad mini running, he placed the earphones in his ear and it also looked like Taiga was listening to the songs for his butai.

Kouchi smiled, he felt like a proud dad for some reason, Taiga may be an _utahime_ , a guy born with a silver spoon, but he's one of the hardest workers that Kouchi knew. Taiga never worked half-heartedly, he always worked to the fullest that sometimes even he didn't know how to stop and that would be Kouchi's job, to put a stop to Taiga's recklessness. Them being housemates might seem like destiny, but he knew that they both have selfish reasons why they chose to live with one another.

_Ping..._

Kouchi looked at Taiga's phone screen and saw a message from Jesse, "are we friends now, senpai?" it reads.

"Ah, he made a move, huh?" Kouchi said with a sigh before he went to Taiga's room to get him a blanket. Kouchi had this inkling that Jesse gave him CDs so he could help him to get closer to Taiga, it was nothing new to Kouchi, he had been approached before by celebrities or non-celebrities because they wanted him to be the bridge to Taiga. Kouchi guessed, Jesse couldn't be different from that, but deep inside, he wished that he was wrong. Jesse seemed like a nice guy, the type he would love to hang out with, but if he was only keen on being friends with Taiga then he saw no reason why he should meddle. In fact, Jesse might be a good influence on Taiga's lack of social life.

He dumped the blanket Taiga as though he was dumping dirty laundry into their laundry basket, he mumbled "tomato" before he slept on his side folding the blanket with him. Kouchi went to his room and took his blanket as well, he couldn't leave Taiga outside so he might as well sleep in the living room, but he wouldn't sacrifice his back by sleeping on the floor so he settled on the sofa.

_Ping…_

Kouchi reached for his phone and saw that Jesse have messaged him, "goodnight, Kouchi-san," it reads. Kouchi contemplated on replying, but decided not to, if Jesse was able to text Taiga then it only meant one thing, Taiga has given his number to him and Taiga rarely gives his number to anyone. Besides, it's almost 2 in the morning, let Jesse thinks that he was asleep and that he couldn't reply.

"Why am I even debating whether I should reply to a guy?" Kouchi covered himself with his blanket and forced himself back to sleep.

***

Jesse didn't want to think that everyone knew him, that would be narcissism on his part, but belittling his popularity isn't good either from what he learned when he was chased by fans in a movie theater. His height and green hair is a huge draw so he made it a point to wear a cap wherever he went.

"Your name for the cup, sir?" the barista asked him.

"Je-I mean, Kouchi," he smiled widely, a smile that the barista wouldn't see since he wore a black face mask. Jesse took the receipt and went to one of the vacant seats, he pulled his phone and checked for any messages from the man whom he borrowed the name. Kouchi hadn't replied since the day he invited him for a meal, Jesse assumed that he must be busy, but he didn't reply to Jesse's "Goodnight" as well. Well, Jesse did message him in the wee hours of the morning, but he should have seen his message when he woke-up, but there was no reply whatsoever.

Jesse sighed, Kouchi must have found him too pushy so he didn't reply. In his defense, he wasn't that pushy yet with Kouchi, Jesse was pushier with people in the same industry as him, he would text them with invites on his shows before winning them over with his sense of humor so they wouldn't be pissed off.

"One grande caramel macchiato for Kouchi."

Jesse stood up to pick his drink, he was about to reach it when someone else beat him to it.

"Uhm, I'm Kouchi but I didn't order caramel macchiato, I ordered a latte."

"Oh, your latte's coming up, the caramel macchiato is for the guy behind you," the barista answered and gestured to a dumbfounded Jesse.

"I'm so sorry about that, here's your drink," Kouchi beamed at him as he passed his drink, Jesse hopes that his cap and mask is enough for him not to get recognized.

"Eh, wait a minute, aren't you Jesse-san?"

So much for hoping, "Eh-he-he, hi, Kouchi-san," Jesse said, he could feel his cheeks getting red, he made a show of drinking his coffee, but he forgot that he has a mask on so it slid and hit his eye, "ouch!" he exclaimed and stepped a bit back and collided to a guy who was holding a tray full of half-finished coffees that splashed on the back of his jacket then, he must have gripped his coffee cup so much that it bent and spilled the drink on his hand.

_Shit_ , was all Jesse could think of as Kouchi looked at him with a mixture of embarrassment and shock, but most of all, pity.

***

"Your caramel macchiato, Kouchi-san."

"I'm really sorry," Jesse said, his face still pink, as he reached for the coffee that the real Kouchi bought for him. They were in a coin-laundry shop where he waited for his coffee-soaked clothes to be cleaned.

"I don't like caramel actually."

"Really? I'll keep that in mind the next time I pretend to be you again."

They looked at each other, both with straw in their mouth as they sipped their drinks before they started giggling followed by silly spasmodic laughter.

"Karma is real, huh?" Jesse thought when they have recovered from their last gasps of laughter.

"It's no big deal, really," Kouchi said with a snort, "Taiga once ordered a cake for my birthday using my name, imagined that Kouchi Yugo ordered a cake for Kouchi Yugo."

"Oh, senpai and you are really close, huh?"

"Yes, you can say that. Do you always do this, use someone else's name because yours is too recognizable?"

"Well," Jesse started, thinking how he could phrase this without sounding like he's pouting, "uhm, y-you're the last person I texted, I saw your name while I was checking something in my inbox, so, you know, yeah," he said in rapid-fire.

"Ah,” Kouchi looked just as discomfited as he is, "sorry about that, I haven't- I forgot to reply."

"It's okay," Jesse said quickly, "I haven't been waiting, b-but what do you think about that meal invite?" He segues.

"Oh, is it for tonight?"

Jesse shrugged, he wanted it to be tonight but he didn't want to be pushy just in case he had other plans, "whenever you are free."

Kouchi didn't answer for a while, "okay, if you're free tonight, let's grab that meal tonight."

"Okay, tonight." Jesse beamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flailing over KyomoYugo because they are love.


	6. Fur Elise

The Beethoven building is unusually quiet when it was only 5 in the afternoon, the corridors were empty when it was usually filled with music students practicing their instruments, some were waiting for their turn to use the rehearsal rooms, while other's would just jam on the hallway and couldn't care less who was passing by. Hokuto glanced at the bulletin board and saw the reason for the absence of the usual flurry of activities, it was an ad about a "Goodbye Spring" orchestra that would start at 5:30 PM in Bakada University's Cattleya Hall, one of the university's famous alumni would be conducting the said orchestra, an alumnus mostly known for providing music to an animated movie that won in the Oscars.

Hokuto continued his walk, he usually wouldn't venture into other buildings, but the Dean of History and Philosophy had his office located in the Beethoven Building to be close to his wife who happened to be the Dean for Music and the Arts. He was in the second landing when he heard that voice, the voice of his Nightingale, he looked up and decided to follow the voice. He hasn't heard his Nightingale's voice for a while, he kept his balcony doors opened despite the chilly night with hopes that he could hear him singing, but there was nothing. He suffered nightmare after nightmare, the tragedies of his past lives have been visiting him every night, and he had to suffer alone in the agony of being the only one who remembered, all he wished was to hear that voice again.

"So, he goes to this university?" He exclaimed as he peeked at each door on the 3rd floor, most of which were empty, but he could hear it well, his voice becoming stronger as he sang what Hokuto believed to be a chorus or a bridge of an unfamiliar song.

_So, don't tell me that I didn't have it right_

_Don't tell me that it wasn't black and white_

_After all you put me through_

_Don't say it wasn't true_

_That you were not the monster_

_That I knew_

_'Cause I cannot play the grieving girl and lie_

_Saying that I miss you and that my world has gone dark…_

Hokuto could feel the strong emotions being delivered through the song, most of which were anger, betrayal, and hurt. He was about to climb to the 4th floor when the ringing of his ears returned, he had to pause and hold on to something as the ringing exacerbated, he found himself kneeling on the stairs, his hands covering his ears as though that would stop it, he wanted to throw-up as his surrounding seemingly circled into a blur, his head pounded, and his heart hammered.

"Calm down, Hokuto, calm the fucking down," he told himself.

"Okay, grounding technique, name five things you see around you." Hokuto willed himself to focus around his blurry surroundings, "hallway….stairs….doors...warm light….Elise….Elise."

***

Taiga could only mutter "fuck" when he noticed the time, it was past 5 in the afternoon and that meant that his last class has ended. How could he lose track of time? His professor for his first-class canceled the session because of an emergency, Taiga had 4 hours of free time before his next class so he went to the Music Department and sort-of begged the Dean to lend him a practice room. It was a good thing that the Dean is an acquaintance of his father so she gave him an empty room and told him that most students would be too busy waiting for the evening's orchestra to practice.

Taiga got too excited when he entered the rehearsal room, he felt like he was inside Nodame Cantabile that he spent the first hour pretending to be Nodame and played the piano despite being a complete amateur. When he finally decided to do what he needed to do, and that was to sing the songs for his butai, he got too into the zone that he decided to sing his co-star's song as well. His personal favorite would be "Requiem", a song sung by his supposedly high school crush in the play. He was so into the song, hitting it in the right places when his manager called him that he was already outside the university and that was when he realized the time. He immediately packed-up his things, ran downstairs when he saw someone crouched on the 3rd-floor stairs.

"Excuse me, are you okay?" He asked but he didn't seem to hear him, it was like, he was in his own world as he murmured something with his hands on his ears. Taiga went closer and recognized that it's his Matsumura-sensei.

"Sensei, sensei," he started by waving at him, but his focus is somewhere, so he touched him on his arms and tapped him repeatedly until his eyes went to Taiga.

"Sensei, are you okay?"

Taiga received a blank stare before Matsumura-sensei called a name, "Elise….Elise," he murmured before he passed-out on Taiga's shoulders. Taiga's eyes grew wide, this is an emergency!

"Sensei, Matsumura-sensei, sensei," he repeated while shaking him but he was not getting any reply, Matsumura-sensei wasn't moving either, in fact, Taiga felt him cold, he immediately removed his jacket and draped it around his sensei before he called his manager.

"3rd floor, Beethoven building, we need to bring someone to the hospital," he said with urgency as he wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his back, the stuff he saw on TV about transferring body heat, which he hoped could be helpful. He could feel Matsumura-sensei's fast breathing blowing on his neck, his fast heartbeat thumping on his chest, and the coldness oozing from his skin.

"Elise," Taiga heard him say again, should he answer? There's nothing feminine about his voice, but would it appease his sensei if he at least pretended to be this Elise?

Taiga was about to answer when he spoke again, "forgive me, Elise," he said and before Taiga could react, his manager has arrived.

***

_"If reincarnation is true then I want to be reborn as a man."_

_"A man? Why would you want to be a man?"_

_"Simple, I want that wealth of opportunities that have always been given to a man, it doesn't matter if I would be born as a gentleman, a milliner, or a pauper, as long as I have a cock."_

_"Elise! Watch your language."_

Hokuto slowly opened his eyes, seeing Elise in his dreams after years of nightmares should be a blessing, but he actually feels bad, and when he saw that the headmaster's face is mere inches away from him, he felt worse. 

"T-tanaka-san," he said weakly, "your face is too close."

"Ah," Tanaka backed away immediately, "you have a pretty face."

"Huh?" Hokuto asked in confusion, for some reason, his interactions with the headmaster had always left him confused, Tanaka-san seemed to be always speaking in tongues.

"Never mind, how are you feeling?"

"Uhm." Hokuto watched as a fluid drops from the needle. "I feel tired," he said and it was true, he feels tired.

Tanaka-san nodded in understanding, "the doctor said that you were probably in a lot of stress, you're also slightly anemic, and that I have to give you proper rest."

"I'm okay, I haven't been sleeping properly, but I’ll be fine. I'll use this weekend to rest properly," Hokuto said, he badly needed rest, it was the first time that he had an attack and passed out. "Did you bring me here, Tanaka-san?"

"Oh, you can't remember?" Tanaka asked who looked bemused. "My angel brought you here."

"You’re a-angel?" and that was when Hokuto realized the last person he saw before he passed out, he saw Elise, he thought it was just a dream but it was definitely Elise, and then Tanaka-san mentioned his angel and there could only be one who fitted that description.

"Kyomoto-san?" He asked just to be sure.

"Yup!"

Hokuto shut his eyes, he just called Kyomoto, "Elise", he just believed that he's Elise despite his earlier denials that it couldn't be him. He wondered if he had said anything else aside from calling him with that name from his past life.

"Are you okay? H-how are you feeling?" Tanaka-san asked, his voice full of concern.

"Uhm, I'm fine. Uhm, remember when you talked to me about giving Kyomoto-san some leeway with this subject?"

"Huh? Let's not talk about that for now, what you need is rest." Tanaka-san tucked him on the bed as a mother would to his son. "Until your guardian gets here, I won't be leaving."

"G-guardian? If it's my parents, please tell them not to come, I don't want them to travel all the way from Shizuoka for this."

"Oh, no, not your parents, someone called you while you passed-out and he says that's he's your friend. I didn't believe him at first seeing that I don't think you have any friends until he sent- oh, this is him, I guess."

Hokuto watched as Shintaro arrived who looked like he ran from his home, he went straight to him and gave his cheeks a squeeze.

"Take your hands off," Hokuto said with gritted teeth.

"Nice to see that you're okay," Shintaro replied and turned to Tanaka-san, "Morimoto Shintaro, I'm a writer and proud to be Hokuto's friend."

"Tanaka Juri, headmaster of Bakada University."

"Eh? Really? You look so young to be a headmaster, unlike Albus Dumbledore."

Hokuto faked a cough before Shintaro went on with his Harry Potter geekiness, which was one of the reasons why he immediately believed Hokuto's story because Shintaro believed in everything, even Harry Potter.

"Oh, I'm actually Newt Samander in disguise," Tanaka-san said in a fake whisper and Hokuto could only roll his eyes.

Shintaro smiled, "Ah, well, since you revealed your true identity, I'm actually the boy who lived," he said then parted his hair and made a show on his forehead even though it revealed nothing. Tanaka-san made a show of acknowledgment before he shook hands with Shintaro.

"And this is one of my best friends," Shintaro turned to Hokuto, "Hermione-"

"Shut up," Hokuto said, his voice laced with threat.

"-Granger."

"Shut up."

Shintaro pursed his lips.

"You two can leave, I need to rest," he said when the door opened revealing a nurse and a doctor. They said their greetings and proceed in examining Hokuto where he refused additional tests such as CT scan much to the protest of Shintaro and Tanaka-san. When his quick physical exam was over, the doctor bid him goodbye but not before he handed Hokuto a calling card. Hokuto gave it a quick glance and saw that he was being referred to a psychologist, Hokuto gave it a thought and maybe, maybe its time to talk to one, not because he wanted to share his story, a story that he was sure would be ignored as hallucinations and delusions, but maybe it was time to try the 21st-century remedies for his problem and that's none other than medications. Maybe, just maybe, it would keep Elise at bay. 


	7. Tomodachi

Kouchi regretted inviting Jesse in Taiga's home the moment they entered, Jesse looked like he entered the Wizarding World of Harry Potter where everything he saw is magical; he would touch a painting and go, "ahhhh….", as though it moved, he also opened the trash can, and exclaimed, "oh, eggshells, you eat eggs too, huh?" as though he and Taiga would have eaten differently.

"Taiga's going to kill me," Kouchi murmured as he stirred the curry. Taiga has never brought any of his friends at home and Kouchi has never attempted either, it was like they have an unspoken rule that the place is just theirs alone. Kouchi glanced at Jesse who was looking at the TV as though it spouted glitters when it was just the boring evening news. Kouchi could only hope that Taiga would arrive late, well, he should arrive late since it's a Friday and his butai rehearsals usually ran late on a weekend, Jesse should be gone by that time.

"Dinner's ready!" Kouchi announced and filled two plates with rice and curry on the side when he heard the familiar sound of a door opening followed with an equally familiar, "tadaima!"

"Okaeri,senpai," Jesse ran to the entrance and greeted Taiga with the same fervor as a pre-schooler waiting for his mom.

"Jesse-san?" Taiga stopped in his tracks, as though he was trying to decide how he should act with a stranger in his apartment. When he recovered, he smiled softly at Jesse before turning to Kouchi with a murderous glare. Kouchi could only wince and made a show of his hands in prayer, begging for Taiga's mercy, before he sat on the dining table.

"What a surprise, Jesse-san, this is so unexpected," Taiga said with a heavy emphasis on "unexpected" before he turned back to Kouchi with an eyebrow raised.

"Y-you're early tonight," Kouchi knew he sounded like a husband who blamed his wife for coming home early when he was planning to watch porn. He took another plate and scooped curry on it, Taiga loved Kouchi's curry and hopefully, the food is enough for his forgiveness.

"Lots of things happened," Taiga answered before he sighing.

"Uhm, what happened, senpai?"

Taiga glanced at Jesse with suspicion and Kouchi could see that he was contemplating whether to tell him or not.

"Lots that I don't want to talk about now," he answered before saying his grace and took a spoonful of curry, he looked at Kouchi and mouthed, _why is he here?_

_Long story_ , Kouchi mouthed back.

"Uhm, you guys can do lip-reading?" Jesse asked, his eyes wide as though he just discovered another magic.

Taiga just shook his head and diverted the conversation to the conductor who performed with the university's orchestra. Kochi shared that the said conductor also performed once when he was still in Bakada while Jesse quipped that he tried getting the conductor's email but was flatly rejected. After that forced conversation, the three ate in silence.

***

"I don't mind if you invite the PM of Japan, but Jesse, really?" Taiga whispered as they stayed behind the kitchen to wash the dishes, Jesse's at the balcony strumming the latest subject of his amazement, which is one of Taiga's limited edition guitars.

"You said that he seems like a nice guy," Kouchi replied while he scrubbed the pot hard to washed off the curry.

"I did say that, but I didn't say anything about being friends, and why is he here again?" Taiga rinsed the pot with water, he rarely helped Kouchi with cleaning but he didn't want to be left alone with Jesse.

"It's a long and complicated story," Kouchi sighed. "How about you, don't you have rehearsals tonight?"

Taiga also sighed, "it's also a long and complicated story." It's not that he didn't want to share what happened to Kouchi, but he also didn't know where to start, aside from the fact that he felt like he needed Matsumura-sensei's permission before he could share what transpired on the 3rd floor of the Beethoven building.

"By the way, was there an Elise-san when you were in Bakada? Probably a professor as well?"

"Elise-san?" Kouchi scowled, " I don't think so, is that name Japanese?"

Taiga shrugged, also unsure whether he heard the name right.

"For some reason, I'm so glad I'm no longer in Bakada, remember when you talked about that new headmaster with pink-hair? "

Taiga nodded repeatedly, he told Kouchi about the new headmaster who looked so enamored with him that he didn't know how to react. Taiga was used to receiving admirations, but the headmaster's admiration for him is akin to love, and not just love, there's some sort of possessiveness that made him a bit uncomfortable.

"I'm so glad I've graduated, Bakada is now littered with weird people," Kouchi said while shaking his head and he couldn't help but turn to Jesse who waived widely at them. "So what about this Elise?"

"Well, someone mistook me for this Elise, so I'm thinking that maybe I looked like her?"

"Basically, you're saying that you look like a woman?"

"Well, what if I have a secret twin or worse, what if it's a doppelganger?" Taiga asked but he's really convinced of his theory, no other explanation is needed.

"You're reading too much of those novels again," Kouchi replied with a sneer.

"You mean Morimoto Shintaro-sensei's Strange Stories Vol I, II, III, IX, and the soon to be released volume V?"

"Exactly, that man is still a fiction writer, you shouldn't believe everything he has written even if he says that the stories were based on actual events or actual people." 

Taiga crossed his arms, "nah, I believe Morimoto-sensei, in fact, he has a similar story before about a doppelganger, wait," Taiga left Kouchi to finished the dishes while he heads to his room to get one of Morimoto-sensei's novels. As soon as he entered his room, he felt that something is different, he felt another presence as goosebumps appeared on his arms, he slowly turned on the light, before he screamed his lungs out.

Kouchi immediately rushed to his room with a pan on hand, "what? Is it a flying cockroach again?"

"Uwah, I also hate evolved cockroaches," Jesse exclaimed and hunched behind Kouchi.

Taiga shook his head, his arm outstretched as he pointed on the balcony, "t-t-there was a c-cat," his voice quite hoarse from that immense shout he did. 

"Taiga, senpai," Kouchi and Jesse both said. "We're on the 18th floor, isn't this too high for a cat?" Kouchi asked, he walked toward the balcony and looked around and below.

"It must be someone else's pet," Jesse said.

"Pets aren't really allowed in the building." Kouchi replied and examined the sliding doors that lead to the balcony. "Did you leave your doors opened this morning?"

Taiga shook his head, "forget about that, the cat, the cat had glowing red eyes!" He said, his voice shaky. "It was also very thin, like an anorexic, and its fur looked like it has highlights?"

Kouchi raised an eyebrow, "first you were talking about doppelganger's and now it's an anorexic cat with red eyes and highlights." He placed both of his hands on Taiga's shoulder, "I don't know what happened to you earlier but I think you need to rest." 

"B-b-b-but what if the cat returns?" Taiga fumbled, his eyes never leaving the balcony.

"Fine, fine, let's sleep in the living room."

"Yey, sleepover!" Jesse exclaimed.

Taiga and Kouchi both looked at Jesse before they looked back to one another, both of them silently asking each other's permission, Taiga may own the apartment, but they've been together for years and they haven't allowed anyone to share the space that they valued so much. Taiga was the first to recover, "well, it's weekend anyway and the cat might not return if there are more people."

"Yes," Jesse quickly agreed, his eyes wide with excitement, "the cat would be scared because my laugh is too loud."

"Okay, let's all have a sleepover in the living room," Kouchi said and motioned the two back outside.

That night, Taiga didn't sleep immediately, he had also forgotten about the cat as he and Jesse jammed to old songs from Aerosmith to Tamaki Koji, while Kouchi savored his long hot bath as he drank a cold beer and listened to music outside. _I may be right_ , Kouchi thought, Jesse might really be a good influence on Taiga's lack of social life, and maybe, to him as well.


	8. His and His Circumstances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @/hotchocolatier....you made my day!

Hokuto drank his flat white coffee and forced himself to swallow it, the barista had forgotten to add sugar again even when he always requested it. Bad coffee in the morning would usually put him in the bad mood, but not today, a good night's sleep changed everything.

After his stint at the hospital for his anxiety woes, he decided to take the doctor's advice and drank a benzo before he went to sleep and it worked like magic; he slept like a baby, no nightmares after quite a long time, and suddenly, the world seems like a lovely world to live in. In fact, if it wasn't for his memories of his past lives, his life in Japan is considered generally peaceful. He was born into a middle-class family where his parents are both educators who taught him a great deal of knowledge. He grew up in a rural area where almost everyone knew each other, everything else in his life had been simple, and he was happy and content.

His past two lives were quite complicated; he was born in London during the time when it became the world's largest city, the city was booming from engineering to infrastructure, but also came overcrowding and pollution. Moreover, he was born to a family who still clung to their nobility despite being one step away from living in the slums because of their excesses. As for his second life, it was worse because he was born to parents who glorified the so-called purity of their Aryan race. He was sent to become Hitler Youth at 14, and if that wasn’t bad enough, he was sent to the frontlines as a fucking tank driver during Germany's final attempt to win the war.

Hokuto sighed, to an outsider, he lived an exciting life and the present might be too dull in comparison, but he would take the dullness than excitement. From the coffee shop, Hokuto passed-by his favorite bakeshop, Jipan, and picked-up his favorite bread: a curry pan, melon pan, and yakisoba pan, he was on the line when he noticed that the teenager in front of him have a Kyomoto Taiga keychain on her backpack. He let out a sigh, he has decided that when he saw Kyomoto again, he would thank him for bringing him to the hospital then he would tell him that he'd be free not to attend physical classes as long as he submits his assignments on time. It might look like he is running away, but he was being logical, after all, he'd die next year, and there was no need to involve other people and complicate things. If Kyomoto would ask about Elise, he would simply say that it was his British grandmother who looked like him, Hokuto doubts that he would bother to fact check and it was true that he had an English grandmother -in his previous life.

Hokuto reached his apartment building and found the foyer almost empty, it was the weekend after all, and only one elevator is in service since the crew does their maintenance every week. He was humming Humphrey Bogart's "As Time Goes By" while he waited for an elevator when the emergency exit door opened with a loud thud and revealed Kyomoto. Hokuto was astounded, does Kyomoto lived in the same apartment building?

"Kyomoto-san?" He couldn't help but call him, he looked distraught as he stared at Hokuto as though he was looking through a glass, then Hokuto realized that his eyes were watery, then, as soon as he opened his mouth, the tears began to fall.

"What’s wrong? W-why are you crying?" Hokuto asked as Kyomoto held his wrist tight. Kyomoto sniffed and wiped away his tears as he searched for his phone in his pocket, Hokuto noticed that he was still wearing his indoor slippers and pajamas underneath an oversized cardigan, and when he managed to took out his phone, his fingers trembled as he typed and as soon as he finished, he showed the screen to Hokuto.

_I CAN'T SPEAK, I CAN'T TALK, THERE'S NO SOUND, I'M GONNA DIE! FUUUUUUUCK!_

***

"You have a vocal hemorrhage," the doctor said and Taiga squeezed his sensei's hand harder, he didn't care if he has been holding his sensei's hand as though it was a stress ball, he had been squeezing his hand since they left the apartment, and the only time he let go was when he got examined using a laryngoscope.

Taiga blinked hard twice, which for him meant that this doctor needed to speak in terms he could understand. Sure, hemorrhage meant bleeding and vocal meant his vocal cords, but what did it really mean? Would he get his voice back? Would he still be able to sing? Is this a sign of cancer? Is he dying?!

The doctor seemed to get it, "well, basically, because of overuse your voice has been strained until it reached its limit and it kinda ruptured." He showed the monitor to Taiga, the image of his vocal cord. "This part is usually white, but as you can see, your entire left vocal fold has turned deep red due to bleeding, and the treatment for this is voice rest."

Taiga let out a sigh of relief, voice rest doesn't sound too bad.

"Complete voice rest for a week, perhaps," the doctor added.

Taiga's eyes widen, he let go of Matsumura-sensei's hand and grabbed the prescription pad on the doctor's table and he scribbled furiously.

"Define complete voice rest? And a week?! I got butai rehearsals thrice a week!"

The doctor gave him a patronizing look, "complete voice rest means that you're not to talk, sing, you're not even allowed to hum, whisper, clear your throat or even cough," he said.

Taiga turned to his sensei with disbelief, he really wanted to say, "do you believe this quack?", but Matsumura-sensei simply nodded his head in agreement before saying, "a week is a small sacrifice than never be able to sing."

Taiga inhaled deeply, that "never be able to sing" hit him hard, not singing is akin to not breathing, and by that logic, not living. He didn't work hard these past 10 years all for naught, Kouchi admired him for being a hard worker, but what Kouchi didn’t know is that _not_ working hard was never an option for Taiga.

"You need to be back after three days so we can monitor the progress of your healing, that means if your vocal fold is reabsorbing the blood, it’s like having a bruise but instead of it underneath your skin, it's in your vocals. Also, you might need speech therapy after this, or a vocal coach probably, so as nothing similar will happen again, you need to learn how to use your voice properly-" The doctor went on with his lecture, but Taiga wasn't really listening, he is scared. He is scared that he would be replaced in the butai, he is scared that his most-prized voice would change after this bleeding, he is scared that he would never be able to hit the high notes because there would always be that fear that his vocal cord might bleed again.

"Kyomoto-san?"  


Taiga looked at his professor and realized that he was so lost in his thoughts that not only they were out of the doctor's office, they were now in the lobby of the hospital. Taiga saw a Haggen-Daaz's Vendo machine behind his sensei and immediately went there.

"Wait a minute, where are you going?"

Taiga wasn't listening, he took out his wallet and inserted a 1000 Yen bill, he would get three flavors of that famous ice cream.

"Are you out of your mind?" Matsumura said and raced against Taiga when the ice creams cups have dropped. "The doctor didn't say any dietary restrictions but these ice creams might cause you to cough and therefore-"

Taiga didn't let him finish, he took out his phone to type something, and showed it to Matsumura-sensei to read.

"I've never had any sweets, any chocolate, any cold stuff, any soda, and anything whatever that might irritate my voice since I debuted, and that was 10 years ago! But look what happened, I still got f-" his sensei chose not to read the f-word, "so I'm going to eat all the foods I held back for!"

Taiga immediately grab the original flavor before his sensei could stop him, he opened the lid and scooped as huge as he could before he ate it, and he felt wonderful. So this is the taste of ice cream? The taste of ice cream that he didn't get to experience for the past 10 years all for his voice.

"Fine," Matsumura said and gave him bottled water that he brought from another nearby vending machine, "but make sure to drink water so as not to irritate your throat that might make you cough, and those have chocolate bits so why not opt for green tea and vanilla flavor instead?" He asked, sounding hopeful.

Taiga fished out his phone again and typed, _Don't worry, I'll eat all of that._

"Kyomoto-san," his sensei said, he spoke as though he was pacifying a child, "you're probably disappointed with your situation but there's no need to be reckless, it's only a week of voice rest, don't act as you'll never be able to talk or sing again."

Again, Taiga typed something on his phone, _you don't understand, sensei._

Matsumura stared at him in his eyes, "I understand, Kyomoto-san, I understand losing something after everything you've done, but you haven't lost anything yet, so don't be reckless and just follow your doctor's orders."

They stared at each other for quite some time, Taiga knew his sensei is right, but the rebel in him is trying to break out after years of being kept hidden.

_Will I be really okay?_ Taiga typed and showed it to his sensei.

"You will be okay, I'll make sure of that. Oh, Taxi!" Matsumura-sensei exclaimed before he ran out of the lobby. Taiga followed him, feeling a bit reassured that he will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- If 1 week of voice rest is too much for a vocal hemorrhage, well, this is fiction. XD (my original plan was surgery + 1 month of voice rest)  
> \- Jipan is a real bakeshop from this side of the world that I live in.


	9. the Plough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of convo and italics, not talking is actually harder than actual talking.

When Kouchi left that morning, he hoped that he was doing a good deed by leaving Taiga and Jesse alone so they could foster their friendship. Little did he know, his good deed would be for nothing because Jesse also left early for a variety show appearance, and a tragedy like this would strike.

Kouchi sighed, he received two calls while he was busy fulfilling orders at his leather craft shop, the first call was from Okabe-san who asked him to look-over at Taiga at this very sensitive time, while the second call was from Taiga's papa who told him that he would send food every day until Taiga's vocal cord have healed so he only has to make sure that Taiga won't eat anything that would worsen his condition.

"Too late," Kouchi begrudgingly carries 6 bottles of beer and a boat of Taiga's favorite sushi. Taiga said he wanted to get drunk or he'd jumped over the balcony, Kouchi didn't think Taiga would even try to jump, but he also didn't want to risk it. Kouchi rang the doorbell and he didn't wait long for Taiga to open the door. He immediately took the beers and sushi before he noticed a slim box tucked under Kouchi's underarm.

"Oh, this is a boogie board," Kouchi said and showed it to Taiga, "it's like those magic slates we had as kids but only more modern, you can use this instead of typing on your phone to talk."

Taiga stared at him as though he spoke in a foreign language, Kouchi started to get worried if Taiga has also lost his sense of hearing until he saw waterworks from Taiga's eyes before he grabs Kouchi for a hug, a very tight hug. Kouchi hugged Taiga back, he was never the touchy type, but he'd make an exception for this one since his best friend looked like he really needed it.

Taiga broke the hug and went straight to the living room to arrange the beers and sushi, Kouchi followed him, a Netflix drama on TV is running when he noticed some weird stuff on their balcony. He went closer and through the sliding glass door, he noticed that their balcony is littered with mouse traps.

"Is there a rat infestation that I didn't know about? Should I alert the building's pest control?"

Taiga took the boogie board out of its box and wrote with his teeth gritted before showing it to Kouchi.

"It's-for-the-cat," Kouchi read. "The cat? You mean that cat with glowing red eyes that you claimed you saw last night?"

Taiga nodded furiously and he wrote something again.

"It's-that-cat's-fault-that-my-voice-broke-because-I-screamed-when-I-saw-it."

"Ah," was all Kouchi could say since he didn't want to argue with Taiga at this very sensitive time, but he couldn’t help but feel bad for the cat and hoped that it won't attempt to come back if it ever existed that is.

"By the way, did someone go with you to the hospital?" He asked as he took the bottle of beer from Taiga.

_Yes, it's my European History professor, Matsumura Hokuto-sensei,_ he wrote.

"Oh, him! I forgot to tell you that I saw his name beside our mailbox, which means that he probably lives on the 17th floor." To avoid any unauthorized fan or hate mails, Taiga decided that their mailbox won't be in his name but in Kouchi's. "So that's your professor?"

_Yep, he's also the one who mistook me for this Elise that I told you about_ , he wrote again.

"Eh, really? Did you ask him about that?"

_I did, I asked him while we’re in the taxi on our way back. He told me that this Elise was his late British grandmother._

"Bullshit," Kouchi replied and drank his beer straight. "Would you call your grandmother in just her first name? I don't even know my grandmother's first name till she died because I've been calling her obacchan all my life."

_I call my grandmother A-chan. But if Matsumura-sensei is lying, why would he lie?_

"Good point and he looks so Japanese how he could have British blood? I mean, you've seen Jesse and you can immediately tell that he's a half, but this Matsumura-san? Where in the world is Bakada hiring these people?"

_Speaking of Jesse, let's invite him over for a drink!_

"Are you sure? Jesse's too talkative, you might accidentally speak."

_I'll put a tape on my mouth and tell him to bring ramune, all flavors!_

"Okay, I'll message him,” while Kouchi was sending a message to Jesse, he suddenly thought of something, “why don't we invite your professor as well? Let's say that it's your way of thanking him for accompanying you to the hospital."

_Good idea! But do you know where he lives?_

"Well, since his mailbox is beside us, and assuming that the floor plan is the same, it could only mean that he lives below us. Wait for Jesse's reply," Kouchi gave his phone to Taiga. "I'll go fetch your professor."

***

When Hokuto decided to become a professor, he had one rule that he hasn't broken so far, he would shun every chance to get close to his students. It was also one of the reasons he worked his ass off to become a college professor at such a young age, college professors had it easier; the most he needed to meet his students is once a week for a 3 hours lecture, he didn't need to check a student’s whereabouts who has been absent, when he's too lazy to teach, he could just give his students an assignment to read 3 chapters or so and prepare a 1000-words essay, and most of all, most college students were too busy with their own lives and couldn't care less about their professors.

"So why am I here again?" Hokuto thought to himself as Jesse-san passed him his Nissin Mouko Tanmen Nakamoto. "Enjoy, sensei," he said when he passed him his chopsticks.

"Sorry about this, sensei, we invited you on an impulse yet we could only feed you instant noodles, some sushi, beers, and ramune," Kouchi said with his bright smile plastered, the same smile that fooled Hokuto into opening his door thinking that it was a kind neighbor in need of help. The moment he mentioned that he's Kyomoto's friend, Hokuto knew what was coming and that he wanted to run-away.

_Next time, we'll treat you to a proper sushi restaurant,_ Kyomoto wrote on his blackboard thing, which Hokuto secretly wanted, he might need to ask him later where he got it.

"Uhm, it's no big deal, I love this ramen," Hokuto said as he inhales the spiciness of the broth, he hoped that 'next time' would never happen, this would be the first and the last he would dine with his students.

"So, senpai, what about your butai?" Jesse casually asked Kyomoto who has to stop eating to write an answer.

_They haven't replaced me YET,_ he wrote with sadness in his eyes.

_They did say that they would wait for the outcome of my voice rest but for now, my understudy would be rehearsing with the cast,_ he wrote again.

"Oh, well, that's still a good thing," Jesse said. "I'm sure your voice would come back as if you were born yesterday, senpai."

"Isn't that bad?" Kouchi asked, "that would mean that his voice hasn't matured and he would still have his pre-puberty voice-" Kouchi stopped when Kyomoto tapped his shoulder and wrote on his board, _no need to take it LITERALLY._

"Okay," Kouchi said, unfazed. "But I'm sure that you'll be fine," he added, reassuringly.

Hokuto simply listened to the conversation as a curious thought kept on nagging him. He didn't want to entertain it the moment he learned that Kyomoto is a musical actor, and that he also lives upstairs of his apartment, and that he was also in the same building when his anxiety attacked, and that he might be….he shook his head and banished any thoughts. He would not get involved in his life, he is not Elise, and he would live this year as quietly as he did in the past.

"By the way, I have good news, I got invited to London Fashion Week for Dolce and Gabbana," Jesse shared, Kouchi obviously has no idea who Dolce and Gabbana are, Kyomoto wrote "Congratulations!" on his board and clapped his hands, while Hokuto weakly congratulated him.

"My manager told me that I should get used to English accent so I won't get lost in translation so he recommended that I watched this history documentaries by this Dr. Lucy Worsley, I watched one episode of her 'If This Walls Could Talk Series' and I'm hooked, I want to speak as eloquently as her."

"Of course this Dr. Lucy-san is an eloquent speaker, she's English, isn't she?" Kouchi remarked.

"Well, I'm Japanese and I'm still not that eloquent in my supposedly native language," Jesse replied that made Taiga almost laugh but he managed to cover his mouth with both his hands, while Hokuto hid his smile behind his cup ramen.

"But the best part of her documentaries are the houses, they were so huge and grand, oh, this is Netflix, right?" Jesse immediately pressed some buttons on the remote before he found the series that he wanted and pressed play. In less than 5 seconds, an unmistakenly British voice boomed, her voice alone could captivate those who had the remotest interest in British History. Dr. Lucy Worsley spoke exactly how a person with zeal and passion would talk, it was no wonder Jesse got drawn in, even Hokuto as a teacher would want to be taught by someone like Dr. Worsley.

> _In this episode, we would explore some of England's stately homes known for their opulent ceilings; from the Hell Staircase of Burghley House, to the Rubens of Banqueting House, and to the innovative glass roof of the Plough, we will see how these…._

Hokuto wasn't listening anymore the moment he heard and saw "the Plough" as there could only be one in the whole of England and that's none other than his former home, his family's stately home in Devonshire that became his when he inherited the Earldom from his unmarried and childless uncle.

> …. _I met with Gregory Avery, head of Devonshire Trust, who currently owned the Plough to show me the glass roofs of this three-stories Elizabethan-Jacobean style house. Glass roofs are not exactly new around when this was built in the early 1800s, but it’s mostly built for conservatories and not as roofs of the main house, but the southern-end of the Plough has an all-glass roof, can you us tell why?_

> _Well, first, the Plough used to be called Chatswood Manor, named after the family's title, but it was changed when the 3rd Earl of Chatswood, inherited this place. He's a budding astronomer, he commissioned for the glass roof to be built so he could study the stars at night, and he also changed the name of the place from Chatswood Manor to the Plough which is the English equivalent to what the Americans referred as the Big Dipper._
> 
> _Big Dipper as in the star?_
> 
> _Yes, a large asterism of the constellation Ursa Major…_

Hokuto pinched his leg as the threat of tears is imminent when he saw the grand astronomy room under the bright morning sun, it was his favorite room as a kid every time he came to visit, his uncle, the 5th Earl of Chatswood, also inherited their great grandfather's love for astronomy and would let Hokuto stay with him in the room until late at night. The room had obviously been renovated but he could still see traces of the past, from the wall-to-wall bookshelves filled with books from every aspect of Science to the Royal Geographical Society globe where he dotted the distance between London to New York, and to the grand carpet that was custom-made to show the different constellations. He pinched his leg harder when he saw the circular staircase in the middle that leads to a stage where a modest-size telescope is perched up.

> _Is this the same telescope used by the 3rd Earl?_
> 
> _Unfortunately not, it has to be sold when the Plough was in near ruins, but the family managed to buy a new one when the 6th Earl married an American heiress whose dowry greatly helped the family._
> 
> _And this 6th Earl and his American heiress got married here? On top of this staircase where we stand now?_
> 
> _Yes, the very place…._

Hokuto held his breath as his wedding photo was shown together with his American wife, both of them were gifted with dashing good looks, but their eyes told a different story, both of them were in misery. His family needed her for her fortune, and her family needed him for his title. Hokuto took a deep breath as the show moved to a different stately home, his eyes drawn to Kyomoto's blackboard, leaned on his side and on the floor with a message, "are you okay?"

Hokuto swallowed hard before he turned his eyes toward Kyomoto, frankly, he's scared to look at him, he felt like he owes him for the things he'd done to Elise. He simply nodded and resumed eating.

"Eh, that house could be yours, sensei," Kouchi exclaimed and Hokuto almost spilled his ramen.

"Why?" Jesse asked.

"Weren't you listening? That house with the glass roof is called 'the Plough', which also means 'Big Dipper', and sensei's name is Hokuto which means the same. Am I right, sensei?"

Hokuto slowly nodded as that nagging feeling returned, he looked at Kyomoto who was attacking the sushi with gusto, Hokuto didn't even believe in fate, but how much of this could be a coincidence? And how much of this is fate?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Lucy Worsley is a real person with a real show on BBC about history, but none of her shows has ever been on Netflix. Chatswood Manor or the Plough doesn't exist, so as Devonshire, and I doubt that Dr. Lucy would waste her time to make a documentary about ceilings.


	10. Fate

Aside from his well-resonated voice and his signature laugh, Jesse has another distinct character, he has a very good sense of smell, and right now, he could smell smoke- cigarette smoke. He opened his eyes and started sniffing, he saw his Kyomoto-senpai, who told him earlier that he could just call him Taiga, sleeping soundly on his futon, he looked on the L-shaped sofa where Kouchi supposedly slept but found it empty aside from the pillow and a blanket.

Jesse scratched his eyes and noticed the blackout grommet curtains being softly blown by the wind, he got up to walk closer and found the sliding door slightly ajar, he took a peek and saw Kouchi smoking by the balcony.

"Kouchi-san," Jesse sleepily called out, he almost had his foot outside when Kouchi motioned for him to stop.

"Careful, you might step on the mouse traps," Kouchi said and that was when Jesse noticed the mouse traps all-over the balcony. Jesse held his breath as he tip-toed to avoid the mouse traps littered like landmines that he thought could rival those in North Korea.

"Those are a lot," he commented and notice the brownish-black cube thing on top of the trap. "Those aren't cheese, right?"

"We're talking about Taiga here, those aren't cheese but Royce's Nama Chocolate."

"Nama chocolates for a mouse?"

"Well, Taiga was hoping to catch the cat that he accused as the reason why he lost his voice. He said he was being nice that at least before the cat’s death it could get to eat nice chocolate," Kouchi answered and awkwardly puffed a cig. "Sorry for smoking," he said as he stubbed the cigarette on the old newspaper that he was holding. "I haven't smoked for a long time but I felt like, I needed it tonight."

"It's okay, there's no need for you to explain, but I'm surprised to see you smoking, I thought that you're the type of guy who's into, you know, clean-living."

Kouchi smirked, "Nah, that clean-living freak is Taiga, he stopped eating chocolates and ice cream, he stopped drinking any cold stuff or any harsh stuff that might harm his voice, but look what happened to him. I'm sure he's super stressed right now," he finished with a long sigh and Jesse could guess the reason why Kouchi was smoking, his senpai's stress is also his.

Kouchi turned to Jesse with an inquiring look, "you're also a singer but I don't think you're that harsh with yourself."

"I don't, right?" Jesse said and turned his back to look over the opposite building. "I guess my sense of humor saves me from being harsh to myself," or maybe, my sense of humor masks how harsh I am with myself, was what he really wanted to say. Being half-Japanese in the entertainment industry was easy to get noticed, but it was never easy when it comes to opportunities because, at the end of the day, he is still treated as a foreigner.

"That's nice to know, because didn't they say that the funniest people are often the saddest?"

"Do I look sad to you?" Jesse asked.

Kouchi shook his head, "you're like a toddler, you have this boundless energy around you, I never saw you tired- not that I've been watching you for a long time," he added defensively.

Jesse paused as he watched Kouchi gave him a huge smile, laugh lines appeared on his small face, and Jesse could only recall his earlier impression of Kouchi, which is him being the ray of sunshine. Jesse couldn't help but placed his arm around his shoulders, Kouchi was obviously startled as his body went rigid, but Jesse didn't remove his arm, he even leans his head on his shoulder.

"Taiga-senpai has just elevated my friendship status with him so why don't you start calling me Jesse, just Jesse, or maybe, Jess?"

"Eh?" He looked iffy with the idea but still tried, "J-Jesse?"

"Sounds better," Jesse said and straightened his stance. "Then, shall I call you, Kouchi? Y-yugo?"

"Kouchi's fine, sometimes people call me 'coach'."

"Okay, Kou-chi!"

"The high pitch on the last syllable isn't needed, I'm still not sleepy because I fell asleep when the two of you were watching those history documentaries, how can you guys not fall asleep on a documentary, but you fell asleep from two bottles of beers?"

"Well, alcohol isn't really my strong suit. Oh, I have a joke, where do monkeys go to grab a beer?"

"Where?"

"The monkey bar," Jesse answered followed by roared of laughter from his own joke, Kouchi wasn't laughing, he just shook his head and told him that he's going back inside to have a long bath, which might make him sleepy.

"Kou-chi!" Jesse shouted when Kouchi reached the door.

"What?" He snapped, obviously expecting another dad joke but his eyes grew wide when he saw what Jesse was trying to do.

"Will I get hurt if I take this chocolate?" He asked as he poised to take the Nama chocolate on top of the mousetrap.

"Jesse, don't, those chocolate have been there since this morning or whatever, those are already dirty. But most of all, you might hurt yourself," Kouchi cautioned.

"I think my hand is faster than the trap," Jesse said while he started working his fingers.

"Jesse, don't, I'm sure Taiga have left-" but Kouchi didn't finish, he heard a strong snap followed by Jesse's piercing screams that echoed throughout the block.

***

"For someone who was reborn three times, who had his past memories intact, how could you not believe in fate?" Shintaro asked, astounded when Hokuto told him everything he withheld from him including all about his first love, Elise. He also added about Kyomoto's uncanny resemblance to Elise, not just in looks, Kyomoto is also a musical actor as Elise was a stage actress, both of them came from a well-to-do family with famous fathers, and Elise wanted to be reborn as a man because she found life for women as too unfair, and the other coincidences he noticed.

"Well, it’ just so surreal," Hokuto replied as he felt the Ferris wheel rocked by the strong wind, they were inside one of Cosmo Clock 21’s gondola and they were almost halfway to the top.

"Man, your existence is the most surreal," Shintaro said. "I should have brought my notebook, I need to write a graph or something to connect the dots."

"You're already using your phone to record everything I've said," Hokuto said with a shrugged.

"No, I need to write it, I retained information more accurately if I write them. Anyway, if you don't believe in fate, fine, but as I've said before, everything happens for a reason and we can see it cracking," Shintaro made a supposedly cracking sound by grinding his teeth.

"I don't know what you meant by 'cracking', but is it wise for me to get involved? I mean, I don't even know what I'm supposed to achieve here? And, why this just happened now? It's too late," I only have more than a year.

"Nah, it's not too late," Shintaro shook his head and Hokuto still didn't have the guts to say about his hanging lifeline, "God," he looked upwards and Hokuto simply followed suit, "has the perfect timing for everything, it's never late or early, it's always on time."

"I didn't know you believe in God."

"Of course I believe in God, I'm a believer, by that I mean I believe in anything," Shintaro said proudly. "I think we need to revisit your second life."

"Why?"

"Just a theory based from that 'Life after Life' novel, but of course yours' has a longer timeline, but what if you were born again because you didn’t get to fix it the last time you were reborn, so you were reborn again now to fix what needed to be fixed."

"Shintaro, I told you, my family has perished from Spa-"

"No, no, no, just like how Kyomoto Taiga might be Elise, what if, what if you've met her before but you had no idea that it was her because this reborn thing was just pure craziness to you?"

Hokuto paused, his second life had been marred with war and memories from the first life that he didn’t know yet was real. At best, his second life had been murky, he was like a blind person who was learning to use his vision after living in the darkness for so long. Could he have met Elise at that time? Could he really have the chance to correct his misgivings but he was so distraught with his own problems that he never noticed?

Just like how I used to be, Hokuto thought about how he was so deep in his own problems that he didn't see that Elise struggled as well.

Hokuto stared back at Shintaro with newfound respect, "you could be right about this, just as I was born different, the same thing could have happened to Elise as well."

"See?"

"So what do I do with this information, Shintaro?"

Shintaro shrugged, "I also have no idea, but if we based it on your past life then you should elope with Kyomoto Taiga and get married,” he said with a huge grin, his eyes sparkled maliciously as he added, “come to think of it, maybe you were born around this time because same-sex relationships are more accepted even if Elise is reborn as a man.”

Hokuto rolled his eyes and pretended that Yokohama’s night view is more interesting than what Shintaro has said. He wouldn’t admit that he did consider that notion, but it was really crazy, just crazy.

“I have questions though if you don't mind,” Shintaro said after a while when Hokuto didn’t pay heed to his marriage suggestion.

"Go ahead."

"You said that this Elise was your neighbor in your London townhouse?"

Hokuto nodded.

"So that means that she or her family isn't exactly poor, right?"

Hokuto nodded again. Elise's family belongs to the nouveau riche who were reaping the rewards from the flourishing industrial revolution.

"Like, they could also pay for her dowry?"

"What do you want to say?"

"Well, if her parents could afford the dowry and you liked her, why your family is so against her?"

Hokuto inhaled deeply, "my family is against her because she's an actress, a stage actress."

Shintaro blinked hard. "The fuck?! Your family is the worst snob, sorry man, but they were. I mean, if Bae Suzy wanted to marry me, my family would not just thank her, they would be giving her a dowry for marrying me."

"Shintaro, it was a different time. Back then, being an actress is like being a first-class prostitute, first-class, but still a prostitute. Women who don't abide by the rules of men were all deemed as whores and that's what my family thought of Elise, because of her job, because she was always in the company of men who aren't her husband and so," Hokuto said sadly. He wouldn't deny the fact that the men around Elise became not only his source of jealousy but he also started doubting her loyalty to him.

"Oh, I'm so glad I wasn't born during that time. By the way, next weekend will be the release of my book's Vol. V, I have a book signing in Kinokuniya, you're on the VIP list, just tell them you're name is Hermione Granger."

"I have no intention of going."

"Fine, but when the Vol. VI is released, you have to be there because the entire book will be about you."

Hokuto just gave him a thumbs-up, he was quite sure he's dead by the time Vol. VI is released.

"If you changed your mind, your name is Hermione Granger." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -the mousetrap I mentioned here are just those spring mousetraps, not really the type that could kill a cat or break someone's finger. I'm against animal cruelty. XD  
> -I promise to keep Kouchesse platonic


	11. That Damn Cat

_Dear diary,_

_It's my Day 2 of not speaking and I still hate it, I don't even speak that much but I hate it. Hate it!!!!_

Taiga pressed the center button of his boogie board and his delusionary diary had been cleared, he looked around his empty apartment, Kouchi gone to his parents, Jesse gone to the ER since last night after he took the chocolate that was supposed to be for that damn cat, and he, Taiga, gone is his sanity. He reached for his water bottle and drank, he was instructed that whenever he felt like clearing his throat, he should just drink water, and that was what he'd been doing for half a day, he drank and peed, what an exciting life he lived. 

Is his life has really been nothing but music? Now that he couldn't sing, he doesn't feel like playing his guitar either, and he couldn't think of what to do; watching Netflix, studying, and reading Morimoto-sensei's strange stories all seem dull in comparison to making music. He let out a sigh, he'd better look for a new hobby. He got up from his bed and opened his curtains, late spring sunshine filtered through the door, he opened it and saw his mouse traps, his Nama chocolates wasted and not a single rat, or that damn cat, was fooled.

_Tokyo rats and cats are choosy,_ he thought and tiptoed his way to the edge of the balcony where the smell of pancake lingered in the air; it smells heavenly, he thought, he made a mental note that their breakfast tomorrow will be pancakes, cooked by Kouchi, of course. Speaking of Kouchi, Taiga was happy to see that Jesse and his best friend were getting along just fine. Last night, when Kouchi told him that he'd accompany Jesse to the hospital, he noticed the lack of honorific when he mentioned Jesse's name, might just be a slip since there was an emergency, but progress nonetheless. Taiga has always been aware that there are people who would try to get close to him by using Kouchi and he thought that Jesse was not an exception, which is a shame because Jesse seemed genuinely nice, and he proved it yesterday after Kouchi fell asleep while they watched the documentary.

Taiga stretched his arms when his eyes widened as he heard a distant _meow,_ he immediately looked at the source of the sound and saw that damn cat perched on the edge of the balcony, still anorexic with highlights on its fur, but the cat's eyes are no longer red, in fact, Taiga could detect tears. He raised an eyebrow, those tears were definitely the same as alligator tears. He moved slowly and closer, he was ready to grab the cat, he hasn't planned what he would do afterward, but for now, a good strangle until it couldn't _meow_. That might sound like animal cruelty but he is in this situation because of the cat. Taiga poised to grab the cat, but as expected, the cat managed to avoid his hands as swiftly as a ninja. Taiga stared wickedly at the cat, just as the cat stared back at him with a challenge, soon they were locked in a staring match, Taiga didn't think he could last that long without blinking until the cat purred, Taiga lunged, and the force made him found himself dangling on his balcony.

Taiga held tight on the railing, his legs and feet swinging widely, he wanted to shout for help but he couldn't, he felt his bedroom slippers slipped from his feet, and he didn't hear a sound. _That damn cat_ , he cursed as he tried to pull himself back over his balcony, but he could feel that he was losing his grip, he could see the balcony below, if he swings hard, he'd be lucky and land over his downstairs neighbor. He took a deep breath, reminded himself that he's now paying the price for ignoring those strengthening exercises his manager wanted him to do, he took another deep breath and imagine himself as a gymnast swinging on a bar, with one strong push, he swung himself to the balcony below and the next he could hear is a loud thud as he landed on the concrete floor.

_Safe_ , he thought, this has been a trying week for him, first, he lost his voice, and he hopes he would not break his bones. He struggled to get up as he could feel his skin burn from the friction of his fall. The only saving grace is that he landed on his sensei's balcony, well, he hopes he’s right. Didn't Kouchi say that his professor lives on the floor below them? Taiga tried to look beyond the familiar sliding door, but it was heavily tinted. He decided to knock, he knocked once, there was no response, he tried twice, and there was nothing, he tried thrice, and still nothing.

_What if he's not home? That would be favorable for him_ , Taiga thought, he tried to pry sliding the door, and surprisingly, it opened. He took a peek inside and saw that there was someone on the bed, which could only be his sensei. He looked around his sensei's minimalistic room, the same layout as his room upstairs but the contents were definitely different. He found the door and Taiga made a mental map on how he would escape without his sensei ever knowing that he was on his balcony.

Taiga quietly let himself inside, the room's cool and it smells like a mixture of jasmine, vanilla, and booze, the last part Taiga assumed to be coming from his Matsumura-sensei. Taiga shook his head to concentrate, his sensei is lying on his tummy, half-naked, and his arms spread like an eagle. Taiga continued on his way when he heard his sensei coughed and coughed, Taiga crouched down before he took a peek at his sensei, who he saw changed his sleeping position from his tummy to his left side, his arms hugged his satin blanket like a pillow. There was something in his sensei that Taiga had to stop and stare at, since when a simple act of sleeping had looked this sexy? There shouldn't be anything sexy with his half-naked sensei, but his skin glowed from sweat or from natural oil of his obviously ripped body that his satin sheets clung to him, creating a mold akin to a Roman body sculpture. But probably the most mesmerizing of all would be his sensei's face, he looked like he spent the night in intense lovemaking that he slept with glow, his permed hair slightly covered his eyes, his lips slightly parted, and Taiga unconsciously swallowed as he stares at his sensei's prominent Adam's apple.

Taiga lightly patted his cheeks, first, he trespassed into his sensei's balcony, then to his room, and now he's acting like a pervert. He really should leave! Together with a mounting urgency, Taiga tip-toed his way out when his sensei started mumbling incoherently, he started flailing his arms as well and he looked like he was having a fight in his dreams. _Not my concern_ , he thought, until he recalled a story from one of Morimoto-sensei's Strange Stories, it was a story about a man who went to sleep drunk, had a nightmare, and died. Fear struck Taiga, he didn't think twice and walked toward his sensei's side and started tapping him on his shoulder, but he didn't react to that, so Taiga could only bit his lower lip as he slapped his sensei's face with all his might.

Time seemed to have stopped, both of them in shock, Taiga could still feel the heat on his palm, while his sensei stared at him as though he was in trance, unsure whether Taiga's presence in his room is a fantasy or reality, Taiga could wish that it was the former, he also hoped that his sensei would think that he was just a dream, and he would go back to sleep as nothing happened, then, he heard that name again.

"Elise," his sensei murmured, and before Taiga could react, his sensei pulled him close until his lips met his, their lips molded to a perfect fit, and all Taiga could think of it's that damn cat's fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I know, the dangling from the balcony is over the top.  
> -always reminding myself that this fic is Rated TEEN.


	12. Rudolf

_"Excuse me."_

_The woman turned her head swiftly, a kid not younger than 3 on her lap, she looked at him with ire, obviously didn't like to be disturbed by a stranger._

_"Yes, may I help you?"_

_"Uhm, I-I, uhm, h-have we met before?"_

_The woman scowled and the young girl beside her quickly turned to the woman with a language he didn't understand, the woman replied with the same language._

_"Sorry about that, my granddaughter asked me what you were asking me. Anyway, how old are you if you don't mind me asking?"_

_"Uhm, I'm 26."_

_"26? Hmmm, I don't think we've met before, and I also think that you're too young to have seen me in Broadway," she replied with a smile, wrinkles appeared on her laugh lines that transformed her face to friendly and endearing._

_"Elise."_

_The woman's eyes grew wide while her mouth formed an "o", she was clearly astonished, "I haven't heard anyone call me by that time for a long time, how very odd. How did you know my childhood nickname?" She looked to his chest where a nameplate is pinned, "Rudolf Furstenberg?"_

If Hokuto is a responsible and respected professor, he would immediately hand over a resignation for kissing his student. Unfortunately, he decided to do what a responsible adult would do; first, he blamed it on alcohol. After their ride on Cosmo Clock 21, Shintaro decided that they should go on drinking because alcohol, according to him, makes him more creative in his writing just like what Ernest Hemingway has said, "Write drunk, edit sober". Second, another adult yet very cowardly thing he did, Hokuto went back to his sleep and pretended that it was a normal thing, like how sleepwalking is normal to other people, he could be called sleep-kissing. He didn't know if such a thing existed, but it should be.

Hokuto stomped his feet on his bed like a teenager who was not allowed to go to a party, what and why did he do that? He called him Elise, but he fucking knew that he wasn't, yet he still kissed him. He got up and his head literally split into two, he thinks he deserved that headache for taking advantage of his student. Why is Kyomoto even in his room? He groggily looked to his balcony door, it was close, he thinks, and he could see what seemed like a silhouette of a cat on his balcony's floor. He went out of his room and almost screamed when he saw Shintaro sleeping like a bear on the edge of his sofa and snoring like one as well. He had no recollection of going home with Shintaro, was he that drunk? Or was Shintaro drunker that he had to sleep on Hokuto's place, which has never happened? Hokuto walked toward his kitchen, turned on his Nespresso machine before he poured himself a glass of water. He should know better, he had been taking benzos these past nights and he had been told never to drink alcohol with it, but he did and the consequences have been awful.

_But did you like the kiss?_ He shoved the question as soon as it appeared, there was nothing to like about the kiss, it happened because of the prohibited mixture of substance in his body, nothing more, nothing less. He picked up the shot glass and drank his Nespresso straight, the caffeine made him double-back from its intensity, but it also gave him clarity. He dreamt of Elise, not the Elise that he met from her teens to her early 20s, but an older version of Elise who managed to retain her beautiful features that Hokuto fell in love with, but he was beginning to suspect that it wasn't a dream but a past memory, because, in his dreams, Elise called him Rudolf- his German name. Did they really meet during his second life? 

Hokuto glanced at Shintaro who looked like he was about to fall anytime from the sofa, Shintaro's right, it must be time for him to revisit his murky second life.

***

Kouchi doubled-back and hit his back on the wall when he opened his eyes and saw Taiga casually looking at him with the intensity of a forensic examiner to a cadaver. He looked at his bedside clock and saw that it was almost 4 in the morning.

"Give me a break," Kouchi grimaced. "What do you want so early in the morning and how long have you've been here?"

Taiga was ready with his boogie board and wrote _, you don't look so erotic when you sleep_.

Kouchi thinks he's ready to murder Taiga, first, he got home to find that he couldn't go out of the balcony because Taiga upgraded his traps to radar mouse traps that shoot laser beams, which Kouchi has no idea where he got. Then, Taiga bugged Kouchi the entire night because he wanted him to bring him to work, and now this.

"...and that's a pressing matter on your part that you have to watch me sleep because?"

Taiga thought for a while before writing his answer, _isn't that weird?_

"No, the weird part is you coming into my room to watch me sleep, and no offense meant, but it would be creepy if you find me erotic."

_Why?_ Taiga wrote.

"I don't know," Kouchi shrugged. "Maybe because we're friends, we don't look beyond that, you know what I mean?"

_Do you find me erotic?_

Kouchi looked nauseated by the idea, "no offense meant but never."

_How about Jesse?_

"Why are you bringing up Jesse?"

_Ahhhh…._

"There's no 'ahhhh', Taiga, now can I go back to sleep? I promised to make you the fluffiest pancake for breakfast but I need to sleep more."

Taiga nodded his head, but instead of leaving his room, he opened the blanket and lay down beside Kouchi.

"Do you intend to watch me while I sleep?" Kouchi asked as they lay face to face. Taiga didn't answer, he just smiled, and turned his back from Kouchi. Kouchi turned his back as well, he was now facing the wall, and he has this sinking feeling that Taiga has more to say aside from his lack of erotic while he slept.

"Taiga, if there's something bothering you, you can always tell-" Kouchi didn't finish as he heard Taiga's soft snores, he took a deep breath and returned to dreamland as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I named Hokuto as Rudolf for obvious reasons, thankfully, that name is German.


	13. There is Something about Taiga

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @/Neuroticslacker, thank you for the rec!

"Kou-chi!"

Kouchi immediately gestured for Jesse to keep his voice down as he came running inside the salon, few people turned their heads toward them, gave them an odd look, before they resumed what they were doing.

"What are you wearing?" Kouchi couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, this is my incognito outfit, see, no one recognized me," he answered before removing his hoodie. Kouchi gave Jesse's outfit an appraisal, for someone who wanted to go incognito, he chose the loudest colors from his neon orange hoodie, lime green shorts, rubber shoes with spikes, sunglasses with red lenses, and a baseball cap with a huge "J". Living with Taiga made Kouchi aware than even celebrities dressed down but probably not Jesse.

"Why are we meeting here, Kouch? Do you want a hair color like mine?"

Kouchi pointed to the far end of the salon where Taiga is having his hair dyed. "I accompanied the young master to the doctor, his vocal fold is healing properly and three more days of complete voice rest would completely heal it. Then, we went here because he wanted a haircut and a hair dye."

"Oh, is it for his butai?"

Kouchi nodded, "that's what he said but he also mentioned before that the producer told him that it's okay for him to keep his blonde hair but he has to cut it short, so I wonder why he would go brunette as well?"

"Maybe the producer changed his mind?"

"Maybe, or maybe not," Kouchi glanced back and forth between Jesse and Taiga before settling on to Jesse. "There's something going on with Taiga," Kouchi said, his voice descended to a whisper but the matter of importance has risen tremendously.

"What do you mean there is something going-on with senpai?" Jesse whispered back, the notion of secrecy hung in the air.

"Well," Kouchi looked around to make sure that no one is within earshot, they are in the salon after all _aka_ the harbinger of gossip, "the other day, I woke-up and saw him watching me sleep and he told me that I don't look sexy when I sleep."

Jesse nodded, "yeah, you're not so sexy, but you're very boyish when you sleep."

Kouchi scowled, unsure what reaction he should give as he was not prepared to learn that Jesse has watched him sleep. "Uhm, okay. Anyway, that could only mean that Taiga saw someone sleeping and thought that person is sexy."

"Oooh…"

"Next, I saw a single eyelash over his cheeks, I moved closer to remove it and he covered his lips, like, why?"

Jesse snapped his fingers, "senpai must have thought that you're going to kiss him."

Kouchi nodded as he had the same thought, "we've been housemates for three years, sometimes I even helped him shaved his jawline since he always gets nicked, but we never had that kind of awkwardness. Moreover, I caught him searching if there's such thing as sleep-kissing."

"Sleep-kissing? Hmmm, are there more?"

"Yes, there's more. Lately, he's been using this app to find his look-alikes."

"Look-alikes?"

"Yes, I saw him uploading different pictures of himself on this app and it would generate his celebrity look-alikes, but he would only filter his female look-alikes."

"So senpai is looking for female look-alike?"

"Yes and this happened this morning on our way to the hospital, the elevator stopped on 17th floor and he hid behind me, when he saw that it was just two kids who entered, he made a sigh of relief and acted as though he didn't panic."

"Hmmm…so senpai is looking for a look-alike while at the same time he is also hiding from someone." Jesse placed his fingers under his chin, "why do I feel like I will be involved in this?"

Kouchi smiled, "I have a huge favor to ask," he said and clasped his hands like in a prayer.

***

"Claudius was the only one of the first 15 Roman Emperors not to take men or boys, but only women as lovers…"

Jesse now knew the taste of the tip of a pen and he didn't like it, but he couldn't care less, the only thing in his mind was how he could fulfill Kouchi's favor. He felt a certain kind of rush when Kouchi asked him for this specific favor, he felt trusted and Jesse would hate to disappoint him and his senpai even though Taiga has no idea what they would be doing. His senpai is excused for this class because of his complete voice rest order, Jesse was also given a medical certificate to rest because of the state of his left index finger, but it's not like he'll die from it.

This is also his chance to prove to his senpai that he didn't get close to Kouchi for him, but that he genuinely likes Kouchi for who he is, not that Taiga was asking any proof, but for Jesse, fulfilling this favor is important. He looked at his smartwatch, less than 15 minutes before Matsumura-sensei's class would end, and so far, his sensei has been known for ending his class on time. From munching his pen, Jesse shifted to tapping his pen as their sensei discussed the tyranny of Caligula during his rule, Jesse remains unconvinced with Kouchi's theory, but he has no way of refuting it either.

"For your assignment, write a 300-word essay on how the Roman's way of living changed with the introduction of Christianity during Constantine's reign and advance reading on the Middle Ages to Renaissance period. Class dismissed," he finished and always on cue, the bell rang. The class groaned from the hefty reading that they have to do when summer just started, and as his classmate leave one by one, Jesse stayed with the script etched on his mind.

"Do you need anything, Jesse-san?" his sensei asked as he packed-up his laptop. "Don't you have another class?"

Jesse swallowed, he does have another class, a major subject that would start in less than 15 minutes, but it didn't have the same urgency as this one that he was about to do.

"Uhm, Matsumura-sensei, uhm, I just want to ask about the assignment and advance reading for Taiga-senpai?"

Matsumura-sensei frowned at him, "I just said it before the bell rang."

Jesse feigned a laugh, he's still following the script that Kouchi and he wrote, the next one is the climax.

"If there's nothing else, I'll see you next week," Matsumura-sensei said as he walked to his way out.

"One last question, sensei," Jesse said quickly when his sensei was almost at the door.

"What is it?" He asked and glanced back at Jesse.

"Uhm, well, you see, uhm," Jesse knew he was not making sense, this was also not part of the script but this deciding question is the hardest.

"You may send me your question on LINE once you've formed it," Matsumura said with a long sigh, signifying that his patience have worn thin. He turned the doorknob when Jesse, nervously and all too loudly, asked that damn question.

"Did Taiga-senpai left his indoor slippers in your apartment?" Jesse couldn't see his sensei's reaction as his back was turned, but when his laptop slipped from his hold and his ears turned red, Jesse got the answer that he needed.

***

Taiga loves shocking people, just like how he surprised his parents that he could perfectly sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" at a young age, his mother and his aunt immediately rejoiced by the fact that someone finally had the 'music genes' that had been elusive among the children. Just recently, Taiga shocked Kouchi and Jesse with his new hairstyle, the same hairstyle that sent Twitter on fire and why he had to locked himself inside a restroom cubicle.

Taiga knocked his head on his phone, a tweet went viral in mere seconds after he entered the mall, he really thought that no one would recognize him with his brunette undercut pompadour, he even wore his oversize sunglasses that Kouchi told made him looked like ET because his face is too small, but as he stared at his stolen picture that was retweeted for 20,000 times in less than 30 minutes, he didn't think he could be that recognizable.

He scanned the comments and gaped that the main reason a fan recognized him was that his yellow tee with Koro-sensei print was a dead giveaway. Taiga cursed, his disinterest in fashion is becoming a bane that the clothes he'd worn since forever had been so familiar with his fans. His phone's alarm rang and he remembered the reason why he went in the mall, today is Morimoto-sensei's book signing for the his Strange Stories Volume V. If Taiga remembered correctly from his father's previous book signing event, this Kinokuniya branch have a separate entrance for its VIP and that would be Taiga's target.

He didn't think that the day would come that he would be using his name to gain access to something , but when he has fans out there ready to tear him apart, or whatever they want from him, then he has no choice. Taiga rummaged his tote bag for his handkerchief, which he folded into a triangle for a make-shift face mask, he then wore his oversize sunglasses over it, and for his Koro-sensei top, he wore a leather vest over it- a giveaway from Morimoto sensei's Vol IV book signing. Taiga took a deep breath and went out of the cubicle, the guy waiting behind the door almost screamed and went out running of the restroom upon seeing him. Taiga couldn't blame him when he saw his reflection, he looked like a trying-hard Wild Wild West cowboy out to rob a saloon. He closed his eyes, draft the mental map from the restroom to Kinokuniya's VIP entrance, and after envisioning his route, he went out of the restroom with the swiftness and agility of Lupin, or at least, he thought so.

Taiga made a dash when he saw the VIP entrance being manned by one of the burliest men he had ever met. "Uhm, I'm here for Morimoto-sensei's book signing," he said as he catches his breath.

"Name?" the man asked and opened his tablet.

"Uhm, K-Kyomoto Taiga," he whispered.

The man gave him a once-over before looking at the list and in mere seconds he answered, "not in the list".

"Uhm, yes, I know that I'm not on the list but maybe- I could be on the list. I mean, I'm not bragging or anything, but do you know the control number I got for this book signing? It's 001, I'm the first to reserve for the book and for the book signing and I've been the first for the past three books that's how much I love Morimoto-sensei. So maybe, just this one time, may I?" Taiga pleaded.

"Not on the list, Kyomoto Taiga," the guard said, a bit too loud, that when Taiga glanced over to where he came from, he saw a hoard of girls pointing in his direction.

_Shit,_ Taiga thought as the girls were almost running to reach him.

"Uhm, is there really no-"

"He's with me." Taiga heard a familiar voice before he felt an arm around him, nudging him close, and Taiga's eyes grew wide when he recognized the owner of the voice.

"Your name?" the man asked.

Taiga saw him paused, saw him winced, saw him took a deep breath before stating his name, "Hermione Granger".

***

As this is Hokuto's third life, he is seriously tired. He didn't know how there are people who wanted to be immortal because, for him, he'd rather die and stay dead. For that reason, Hokuto didn't exert that much effort into the living, he didn't want another multitude of memories to carry in his next life, although he didn't know if he will be reborn again he'd rather be prepared.

That quote "forgive and forget", Hokuto have mastered that with slight alteration to "forget and forget, he has learned never to dwell on the past, never to get attached to something or someone, and to treat every moment of his life like those places he passed-by the train back when he commuted from Shizuoka to Tokyo, he could look, he could stare, he could even drop-by, but he would never stay long, he would always move on.

That's why Hokuto couldn't understand why would someone like Kyomoto Taiga manage to carved a place in his memory? Is it really just his resemblance to his first love? That even though his blonde hair has changed to brunette, his neck-length hair has been shaved to an undercut, and that his face has been covered with that humongous sunglasses, Hokuto knew it's Kyomoto even before he told his name to Shintaro's usher.

"I never thought that one of my biggest fans is really the Kyomoto Taiga, it's my pleasure and honor to meet you."

Hokuto could only raised his eyebrow as Shintaro and Kyomoto exchanged pleasantries, Kyomoto is blushing from Shintaro's flattery, and Hokuto is quite sure that Shintaro never had an interest to Kyomoto because based from what he heard earlier, this is not the first book-signing that he ever attended, yet Shintaro has remained oblivious with Kyomoto's presence as his fan.

"By the way, I'm also a huge fan of yours as a musician." Hokuto again raised his eyebrow since he clearly remembered Shintaro's "I'm more of Jesse's fan" statement a while back.

"I'm sorry for intruding Morimoto-sensei, I've always known that you're a nice person but I didn't think that you are beyond nice, you could be a saint," Kyomoto gushed as Shintaro wrote what could be an essay instead of a simple dedication on Kyomoto's book copy. Hokuto cleared his throat, this singing of praises is starting to get out of hand.

"By the way, Kyomoto-san-"

"Please, just call me Taiga, sensei."

"Okay, Taiga-san, I didn't recognize you without your signature blond hair, what happened?"

_Yes, what happened?_ Hokuto glanced quickly to Kyomoto before he resumed in pretending that he's reading Shintaro's strange stories involving a centaur.

"Oh, this?" Kyomoto combed his hand on his hair, "well, I guess I got tired of being mistaken for someone else."

Hokuto almost dropped the book but he managed to held into it, he'd been dropping a lot of things lately, he'd better be careful.

"Oh yeah, you look like your father."

Hokuto glanced at Shintaro with surprise, so Shintaro is more familiar to Kyomoto's father than the child. Kyomoto let out a giggle, which Hokuto could see as a laugh of discomfort.

"Uhm, actually, it's for my butai."

Hokuto closed the book and it made a snap sound, "I just realized that you're speaking now."

"Ah, yes, I'm allowed to speak gradually, like for today, I can only talk for 15 minutes and after that, I should resume writing until tomorrow."

"Oh, then I'd better not make you talk longer so you can reserve your voice for later," Shintaro handed Kyomoto's copy to him. "It was nice meeting you, Kyomoto Taiga," he extended his hand for a handshake, which Kyomoto excitedly received, "likewise, sensei."

Shintaro's manager arrived to fetch him for his public book-signing, leaving Kyomoto and Hokuto inside the room. Kyomoto still clutched the hardbound cover with a dreamy sigh on his face, "thank you for that, Matsumura-sensei."

"It was nothing, but you're welcome," Hokuto said while he thinks of an excuse to leave, he knew he's the one who brought Kyomoto inside but he's really scared of being alone with him, scared of what he might do.

"Because you helped me on this, I've forgiven you," Kyomoto said before he stood-up from his and looked down at Hokuto, he swallowed as he recalled a familiar scene.

"Forgiven me for what?" He asked although he fairly had an idea.

"I've forgiven you for kissing me without my permission."

Hokuto didn't know how to react to that.

"Do you know how it feels for having an identity but people don't really identify you with that? I'm Kyomoto Taiga but people I've met would always insert my dad's name after that. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, but sometimes, I just want to be separated from that name that he established." Hokuto could only swallow hard as Taiga drew his face closer to his, his arms locked on the back of the seat and thereby, trapping Hokuto on the chair where he sat.

"Remember my face, sensei, and remember my name so you wouldn't mistake me for someone else the next time you try to kiss me." Hokuto could feel the heat creeping from his ears down to his neck, he wouldn't admit it to Kyomoto, but he perfectly knew who he kissed at that time.

"That was a mistake," Hokuto said in an almost whisper as he could feel Kyomoto's breathing on the tip of his nose, it smells of mint and almond. "I'll never kiss you again."

Kyomoto's lips twitched, either he was mocking or challenging him.

"That's nice to know because I never enjoyed being kissed by a guy," he replied and made a show of checking his watch. "My speaking time is over, I need to leave as well, send my regards to Morimoto-sensei, Hermione," he said before he left the room.

Hokuto found himself holding his breath as the door closed behind him, come to think of it, he hasn't asked Kyomoto what he was doing in his room in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Some of the important letters on my laptop have given up so I have to buy a new keyboard so the update took a while, but enjoy this 4 chapters update!


	14. A Revelation and an Invitation

Taiga finished a liter of cold water and his heart rate hasn't returned to normal, it was exactly how he felt when Matsumura-sensei "mistakenly" kissed him and he's back in that situation after he confronted him about it. Taiga didn’t think he could be that brave, but he also felt vulnerable for sharing a part of himself that he hasn't really told anyone-that bit about his father.

"Eh, Kyomoto-kun?"

Taiga slowly opened his eyes and saw Bakada's headmaster standing in front of him, his smile wide, and his eyes glimmered. Taiga's hand immediately went to his sunglasses and felt that it's still on his face so how?

"You're instantly recognizable even though you changed your hairstyle," the headmaster said and sat opposite of him, they were in one of those artisan coffee shops, the hip place for those who like to drink real coffee, and pretend to be artsy at the same time. "I'd know you even if you're in the middle of a crowd, even with your back turned, I'll know it's you," he added.

_Creepy_ , Taiga thought and drank his americano.

"It's not creepy, but more like, instinct," the headmaster replied and Taiga didn't mask his surprise.

"Uhm, headmaster-"

"Please, I told you before, just call me Tanaka. We're outside of school as well so there's no need to be so formal."

"Uhm, okay, Tanaka-san, are you a mind reader?" Taiga asked the question that might seem far-fetched but as Morimoto-sensei always says, "all things that are strange are worth knowing".

"I wish," Tanaka answered, looking suddenly serious. "It'll make my job a lot easier, but let's just say that I've spent a lot of time here, I've met a lot of people, and humans aren't really that different, it's easy to guess what they would do or say next," he added before he combed his pink locks with his gold-studded fingers.

Taiga frowned, "Aren't we almost the same age? Why do you speak as though you've lived for over a century?"

"I sound old, right?" Tanaka feigned a laugh and Taiga noticed that his left index finger has been splinted and bandaged, very much like Jesse's finger after he played with Taiga's mouse traps.

"Anyway, I know that you shouldn't be speaking this much."

"How-?"

"So just listen to me," he ordered and Taiga immediately complied with a snap of a finger.

"You're busy doubting yourself while so many are intimidated by your potential."

"Huh?" Taiga mumbled, is Tanaka-san quoting someone or is he advising him?

"Don't lose your voice, my dear Kyomoto, you didn't inherit that for nothing," Tanaka finished and before Taiga could react, Tanaka waived to someone by the door, an acquaintance probably, who happened to have the same hair color as him. Tanaka excused himself and went on to his business. Taiga removed his sunglasses and scratched his eyes, this was the second time that the headmaster spoke to him and in both of those times, he just left Taiga more confused. Kouchi is right, where did Bakada hire these people?

***

"Stop smiling like you're reading an explicit porn plot," Hokuto said as he continued scanning Vol. V of Shintaro's strange stories, they are still in the VIP room and the book-signing has ended.

"Hokuto, if I'm reading an explicit porn plot, I wouldn't have the time to smile because my hands will be work-"

"Stop, I don't want to know," Hokuto warned.

Shintaro went back to smiling sheepishly, "I'm just happy, Hokuto, I didn't realize that we're this close that you would introduce your boyfriend to me."

Hokuto rolled his eyes, "Kyomoto is not my boyfriend and the only reason I'm here is that you wouldn't tell me what you're agent has found out if I don't attend your book-signing." He closed the book with a snap, "so what did your agent found out?" 

"Ah." Shintaro took a deep breath and casually leaned back on the sofa, "do you want the bad news or the good news first?"

"I'll go with the bad first," he said as this is what he'd been mentally preparing himself. After that dream of his where he woke-up and kissed Kyomoto afterward, Shintaro and Hokuto spent the entire day checking every detail of that short dream. In Hokuto's dream, an older version of Elise "read" his name and there could only be two instances when his name was pinned on his chest, first was when he was part of Hitler Youth and the second was when he was a trainee pilot for BOAC. Looking-back, he mentioned to Elise that he was 26, Elise spoke a different language, there were also cute little girls with almond eyes and raven hair, Hokuto could only pinpoint to one country, a former British colony, Singapore.

After this enlightenment, Hokuto immediately emailed Raffles Hotel, the hotel of choice by BOAC, if they could provide a copy of their guest book from January 1954 but the hotel refused to divulge guest information even after 65 years. That was when Shintaro had the idea of sending his agent over, his ever-loyal agent who is willing to do anything for the Shintaro's strange stories, and do what agents do- make inquiries.

"Are you sure it's 1954?" Shintaro asked while he scanned his phone. "January 6-10, 1954 to be specific?"

Hokuto nodded with rising trepidation, "I'm sure, it was my first long-haul flight, the plane crashed on Jan 10th and my birthday was on 11th, I'm just not sure when and how long we stayed in Singapore before our return flight to Heathrow."

Shintaro stared at him incredulously, "wow, you died a day before your birthday?"

Hokuto again nodded, not a shred of regret or sadness.

"Wait a minute, didn't you also die in the Titanic before your birthday?"

"Y-yes." Hokuto is becoming uneasy, have Shintaro connected the dots between his birthday and death?

"You'd better be careful before your birthday, wait, your birthday is coming up, right?" He asked in horror.

"18th next week." _But don't worry, it's not my time yet._

"Then you'd better just stay home on the 17th, don't go anywhere, just stay put in your apartment," Shintaro said, his eyes wide and his nostrils flared.

"I'll be fine, it's not yet my time," Hokuto replied as though dying is as normal as breathing, well, it has been for him.

No one spoke for the next few minutes as Shintaro stared at him as though he was trying to recall something important.

"Can we get back to what your agent found out?" Hokuto asked to break the silence.

"Oh, okay, so my agent was able to get permission to check the hotel archive in the guise of research for my next novel, which is in some ways true, he searched high and low's for Marie Elizabeth Antoinette Smythe but found nothing. Man, Elise's name is too long, if I were her, I would have just written my name in initials."

Hokuto felt his heart drop, "nothing, really?" He asked, heavily.

"Well, of course, she could have just written Elise, Elizabeth, Marie Elizabeth, but my agent found nothing. He went back as early as Jan 1st and with the assumption that Elise might have been married, he searched for all names with different combinations and found three Elizabeth with different surnames."

"One of those could be her!" Hokuto jumped.

"Unfortunately all three are not in their 60s."

"Oh," Hokuto went back to being a deflated balloon.

"You said that Elise was born in 1890 so by 1954, she would be 63, and oh, my agent found out when you stayed in Raffles, you checked-in on Jan 7th, 1954, Rudolf Furstenberg." Shintaro laid down his phone where a photograph of Hokuto's ugly cursive handwriting is visible. Hokuto gave a bitter smile to an equally bitter past when he notices the name after his.

"Wait a minute," he zoomed-in and zoomed-out the photograph, and his face broke into a smile. "The name below mine, Ekaterina Marigold Stutton, this could be only Elise's younger sister!"

"Eh?"

"Elise's family is known for the lavish names of their children, to some it's tasteless, but just as Elise's named after two queens, her younger sister was named after Catherine the Great of Russia, they only added Marigold because that was the first ship that Elise's family have bought."

"Okay," Shintaro looked excited as well. "If her sister is indeed in the hotel, then, my agent's assumption could also be true."

"What did he say?"

"Now we go to the good news," Shintaro said and winked.

***

_We assumed that Elise married someone English but what if she married an Asian and adopted an Asian name? Remember the kids in your dream? The language they spoke? My agent narrowed his search to Asian names in their 60s, and have stayed in the hotel during that week. Well, he got 2 results, one is Chu Yi-Mei and the other is Kanade Mari, and my instinct told me that Kanade Mari is Elise._

_Why her?_

_Well, everything happens for a reason, remember? You're reborn as Japanese, maybe because this has been where Elise is._

Hokuto tightened his grip on his groceries as the elevator moved from the basement parking lot to the upper ground floor. What if Shintaro is right? What if everything does happen for a reason and he was born in Japan as this is where everything would culminate? What if this is the end of his death and rebirth story? The elevator opened and his grip tightened even more as the very person who first reminded him of his first love is outside.

"Oh, good evening, sensei!" Kouchi greeted, his innocent smile wide and friendly, the same smile he had when he and Jesse cornered him on Kyomoto's whereabouts over the weekend. Hokuto was left with no choice but to admit that Kyomoto was in his room, for reasons he still couldn't fathom, but Hokuto withhold the kissing part as that would raise more questions from Kyomoto's 'acting parents'. If he were back in the Victorian era, Kouchi and Jesse would have demanded that he marry Kyomoto.

"Good evening, sensei," Kyomoto greeted as well as he balanced two paper bags on his arms.

"Just coming home, sensei?" Kouchi asked, which received some questioning glare from Kyomoto.

"Uhm, yes."

"Have you had dinner? We're having chanko nabe tonight even though the weather is getting hot." Again, more glare from Kyomoto to Kouchi.

"Uhm, I've already had my-" Hokuto didn't finish what he wanted to say as his stomach grumbled like a dragon's roar from a hallowed cave.

Kouchi's smile widen even more, "oh, that's great, we have enough food to feed the entire floor so why don't you have dinner with us?"

"I can't, he can't," Hokuto and Taiga both said that transformed Kouchi's friendly smile into something snide.

"I guess that's a 'yes'?" the elevator _pinged_ as it stopped on the 18th floor. "Isn't that fate, sensei?" Kouchi remarked, "you didn't even press for your floor, so, dinner?"

***

When Kouchi invited Matsumura-sensei for dinner, he honestly didn't have any ulterior motive, the dinner would be his form of apology for cornering him yesterday with Jesse, or maybe he's doing this for Jesse since Jesse had been worried that Matsumura-sensei would get back at him by failing him with his subject. Kouchi didn't think that Matsumura could be that petty, but considering Taiga is also his student, it would be in his favor to be in Matsumura's good graces. For now, Kouchi would just have to endure Taiga's eyes that were shooting daggers at him.

Speaking of Taiga and Matsumura-sensei, this would be a good time to observe them as Kouchi didn't believe that he'd been told everything. Matsumura swore that he just woke-up with Taiga in his room, while Taiga told him a ridiculous story that involved him dangling over the balcony before landing safely in his sensei's balcony. Kouchi shook his head as he acted as a host between two people who couldn't even look at each other's eye. The silence is becoming unbearable so Kouchi cleared his throat.

"You're quite a fashionista, sensei," Kouchi commented to Matsumura's violent pants and white long-sleeves topped with sleeveless blazer adorned with butterflies and flowers mainly in violet. "Maybe you could give Taiga some fashion tips." Kouchi looked at Taiga's Koro-sensei top with pity and some measure of disgust.

_JERK,_ Taiga wrote before erasing it immediately. Kouchi raised an eyebrow, trust Taiga to pretend that he was saving his voice so he brought out his boogie board when he talked most of the time when they bought dinner ingredients.

"Uhm, I think it's alright, I mean, just wear whatever that makes you comfortable," Matsumura said, a diplomatic and very-sensei-like opinion that Kouchi expected.

"I agree, sensei." Kouchi filled the bowl of nabe before giving it to Matsumura, "but there's something as too comfortable as when the stitch is begging to be replaced."

_Why are you picking my outfit?_ Taiga wrote with an angry emoji.

"Change topic then," Kouchi sat, said his grace, and proceed to attack the sliced pork belly which has been cooked perfectly, it was soft and juicy. He glanced at his dinner mates as they ate in silence, they looked like kids who've been scolded but was forced to eat dinner because their rebellious asses couldn't handle hunger, or he could also compare them to a pair of strangers who had a one-night stand and accidentally met because they share a common friend.

"By the way, sensei, Taiga is too shy to ask, but he's inviting you to his dress rehearsal."

Taiga glared at him, his mouth full of chicken meatballs as he descends into a coughing fit, Kouchi suddenly felt bad but when Matsumura immediately sprung into action, handing Taiga a glass of water and lightly tapped his back, Kouchi didn't feel bad at all.

"Are you okay?" Matsumura asked while his tapping changed to a gentle back rub. Kouchi continued eating as a typical shoujo manga scene unfolds in front of him.

Taiga nodded, he looked like a mess as his nostrils flared and his eyes watered from the pain.

"I'm fine," Taiga said after he finished another glass of water, Matsumura slowly retreated his hand when he realized what he was doing.

"Kouchi," Taiga said, sternly. "I'm sure sensei have other things to do than watch my dress rehearsal." Taiga turned to his sensei, "the reservation is actually for Jesse but he has work on that day so don't feel bad for saying no."

"I'll go."

Kouchi and Taiga gaped, Kouchi knew he started this as a tease but he didn't expect the response. Kouchi moaned in pain when he felt Taiga's strong kick under the table.  
  
"You'll go?" Taiga clarified.

"Yes, I'll go see your dress rehearsal," Matsumura answered before popping a shiitake mushroom.

Kouchi and Taiga exchanged glances, and Kouchi could only mouth "sorry" before he went back to his nabe.


	15. The Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For @/aye-write and calltainn. Thank you for the tips on how to write the stage play scene. It was a huge help! Follow them on tumblr for writing tips.

_Don't lose your voice, my dear Kyomoto, you didn't inherit that for nothing_ , ever since Taiga heard that from Tanaka-san, his fear heightened, fear that started when he realized how fragile his voice could be. He had been going to his doctor and vocal therapist for the past five days, he needed assurance and that was cut today after his doctor told him that there's nothing wrong with his voice, the hemorrhage has been cleared, and he would decline to see Taiga unless it's a real emergency.

Taiga let out a sigh, should he believe his doctor or should he believe his self? _I should believe in myself_ , Taiga didn't get to where he is without believing in himself, in fact, he believed in himself so much that when he auditioned for Dear Evan Hansen The Musical, he convinced the producer that he could be fluent in English when it's needed. Now, he held this belief that something is still wrong with his voice and it would reveal that crack during the live.

The elevator opened and Taiga suddenly wanted to pretend that he has somewhere else to go, out of all people, why must he run to Matsumura-sensei?

"Are you not going in?" his sensei asked.

Taiga sighed and got in, "good evening, sensei."

"Good evening," his sensei greeted back.

Taiga pressed for the 18th floor, he could hear his sensei twirling his keys on his finger behind him, he took a deep breath before facing him. "Uhm, sensei, tomorrow is my dress rehearsal."

"I know, I got the tickets-"

"Can you not go?" Taiga asked quickly. "Uhm, I mean, I don't think you would like it, you look like someone who'd rather watched Hamilton or Les Miserable and not Dear Evan Hansen," he added as his sensei scowled at him.

"That's really something for me to judge, is there something wrong?"

Taiga swallowed hard while he continued fiddling with his fingers. "Uhm, well, I might messed-up, no, I'm going to messed-up so I don't want to further embarrassed myself," he declared.

"Why would you think that you will messed-up?"

"Well-" They both heard the elevator's _ping_ as it opened on the 17th floor. "Your floor," Taiga said and made some space for his sensei, but Matsumura didn't move, his eyes remained fix on Taiga and he found himself staring at him as well. Before the elevator closes, Matsumura's strong hand blocked it while his other hand grabbed Taiga's.

"I'll show you something," he said and pulled Taiga to his apartment.

"Uhm, sensei?" Taiga muttered as his sensei pulled him into his room, the familiar scent of jasmine and vanilla filled his nostrils, and just as familiar is his sensei's blue satin sheets. But they didn’t stop on the bed, his sensei dragged him toward his balcony, which made Taiga pulled back, is his sensei planning on throwing him over?

"Relax," Matsumura said and pulled him out in the balcony where Taiga felt the sultry summer air.

"Why are we here?" he asked, neither of them has let go of each other's hand.

"This is where I first heard you sing," Matsumura said, his eyes closed as though he was recalling the first time he heard Taiga sang. "I didn't know it was you upstairs, I don't even know what song you sang, but I will never forget how it made me feel."

"And how did it make you feel?" Taiga asked softly as his sensei opened his eyes and looked at him.

"Like someone is hugging me from behind."

Taiga could feel the threat of tears, it was not the first time someone complimented his singing, but the way his sensei has said it, it just hits differently, and all the doubts he had these past few days seem to have evaporated.

Taiga sniffed, "I was in the doctor today. Actually, I've been going there for the past 5 days, I was too insecure about my voice. Today, the doctor told me that it's not like I couldn't find another job if I stop singing, he said I could follow my dad's footsteps and become a period drama actor. But I knew, sensei, I knew that if I stop singing, everything else would stop. I've been doing this job since I was 16, I don't know anything else, if I lose my voice and if I lose this job, I might as well die."

Hokuto's eyes widen, his grip on Taiga's hand tightened that he recoiled from his hold.

"S-sorry," Matsumura said and let go of his hand. "I-I didn't know that you're this passionate with singing."

"I am, singing it the only thing that's unique to me. I mean, my looks are half-half from my parents, most of my money is still from them, but singing is mine alone as both of my parents aren't exactly gifted with a voice."

"Ah, so singing doesn't really run in your family?"

"Hmmm, not really, but my aunt once told me that after decades of dryness, the water in the well has returned." Taiga shrugged, "I honestly don't know what it meant, I mean is it possible for water to return in a dry well?"

His sensei was silent for a while, but Taiga had this nagging feeling that his sensei have gotten it.

"But thank you, sensei," Taiga said. "I'm still worried but I hope I can give you one of my finest performances tomorrow."

Hokuto smiled timidly, "you said earlier that you don't want me to go because you might embarrass yourself."

Taiga nodded, "yeah, I said that, I'd rather not have my friends or people I know witnessed my embarrassment."

"I'm sure you won't messed-up, but even if you might messed-up, wouldn't it be better to have people on your side present?"

"Why?"

"Because whatever may happen, your friends will be the first to cheer you on."

***

Hokuto decided that it was time to drink his pills as he couldn't sleep on his own, or maybe, he should stop thinking about Kyomoto and just concentrate on trying to fall asleep. He let out a sigh as he walked to his kitchen to get a glass of water, the lines Kyomoto uttered earlier were the same ones he heard from Elise back then, on how she would die if she lost her voice, and on how her voice is the only thing that's uniquely hers'. How could they be so different yet still similar? Elise and Kyomoto may have been born at different times and under different circumstances, but the passion they shared for singing spanned across a century.

Hokuto popped his pill and drank his water, instead of answers, he got more questions that he began to think if it would be a mistake to connect his past to his present. What if he inadvertently creates chaos in someone's life? What if it's better to just let everything stay this way? Hokuto yawned, his eyelids getting heavy, and his breathing slowed, he might as well sleep for now as tomorrow is another day to think about this.

***

Hokuto felt overdressed as he looked at other guests who have been filling up the seats, he wore his slim Italian suit while his seatmate Kouchi wore faded 90s jeans, a simple white shirt, and a double-breasted plaid blazer.

Hokuto cleared his throat, "Uhm, I think I'm a bit overdressed."

Kouchi merely glanced at him before saying, "It's okay, I'm sure Taiga will like your outfit."

"W-why?"

Kouchi merely shrugged as the lights turned off. Hokuto focused his eyes on the stage, he just learned the story of Dear Evan Hansen from the booklet that was given before the play, it tells the story of Evan Hansen, which will be played by Kyomoto, a guy with a social anxiety disorder who fabricated a relationship with a deceased student named Connor so he could become closer to the boy's family. Hokuto finds it brave that the producers would adopt this play since the talk about mental health is mostly ignored in Japan, yet they decided to have these young and troubled characters.

Kyomoto entered the stage, he looked like a typical American high school student in his backpack, striped blue polo shirt, khaki pants, and a cast on his right forearm. For his first song, he sang "Waving Through the Window", and Hokuto couldn't believe that this is the same guy who was busy doubting himself last night. The song isn't particularly high or hard for Kyomoto's caliber, but he was able to convey the feeling of a troubled youth who just wanted to be noticed.

The play went on, not a hint that Kyomoto used to have trouble with his voice, he is in his element and it shows. As the play progressed and as Hokuto watched Kyomoto closely, Hokuto started having this feeling, he didn't know what to call it; is he overwhelmed? Is this overjoyed? Does he feel proud? He couldn't pinpoint what this is, but he knew he couldn't take off his eyes from Kyomoto either.

Hokuto leaned forward as a familiar song flowed, it was the song he heard from his balcony, goosebumps appeared on his arms and his heartbeats matched the song as he recalled how the song brought him comfort on the night when he felt like ending it all. He held his breath as the song reached its climax, the song was really lovely, but Hokuto didn't expect a love angle as Kyomoto's onstage love interest swooped in for a kiss, Hokuto averted his gaze and began taking a deep interest in the pattern of his necktie, and before long, the crowd erupted to applause as the first act ended.

Hokuto checked his phone before the second act begins and saw a message from Shintaro, he opened it and immediately closed it. He sighed as he took his seat, Shintaro wanted him to ask Kyomoto if he knew a certain Kanade Mari, Hokuto wanted to know too, but he knew that Kyomoto would probably think that he only attended this dress rehearsal because he was looking for a connection between him and Elise. In a way, it's true, and it made Hokuto feel horrible, didn't Kyomoto just told him that he wanted to be separated from his father's identity and now he's trying to connect Kyomoto to a woman who might not be related to him at all?

"This is the song," Kouchi nudged him. "Taiga told me that he really struggled with this song, I hope he pulls it through." In the play, Kyomoto's character has decided to come clean, that he was never friends with Connor, and that all their emails were fabricated. Hokuto kept his eyes on Kyomoto as he starts his song and he might be wrong, but he felt like Kyomoto's eyes bore on him before he belted his highest lines for the night.

_...No, no one can really see_

_'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake_

_Before I even turn the key_

_Before I make the mistake_

_Before I lead with the worst of me_

_I never let them see the worst of me_

_'Cause what if everyone saw?_

_What if everyone knew?_

_Would they like what they saw?_

_Or would they hate it too?_

_Will I just keep on running away from what's true?_

***

Taiga ran toward Kouchi and Matsumura-sensei after the brief press junket was over, the pair were busy gorging unagi when he arrived, Taiga knew that the catering is the only reason Kouchi has been attending his dress rehearsals so he turned to his sensei, who looks dapper in his navy blue suit that it would be amiss if no one has mistaken him for a model or a celebrity.

"Sensei, do you like my performance?" He asked with eager anticipation.

Matsumura nodded and made an "okay" sign with his fingers, he obviously couldn't speak because his mouth is busy alternating between unagi and salmon roe. Taiga looked at Kouchi with ire, he obviously turned his sensei to a glutton.

"Ah, o-kay," Taiga mumbled, his spirits slowly ebbing away when an elderly gentleman in hakama greeted him.

"Kyomoto Taiga-kun?"

"Ah, yes, I'm Kyomoto Taiga." Taiga immediately perked up.

"I'm Ishiguro Kenzaburo, I'm an acquaintance of your father." He presented Taiga with his card and he saw that he's a critic for one of those theater journals.

"Nice to meet you, Ishiguro-san."

"I didn't see your father here," he said and gave Kouchi and Matsumura a patronizing stare.

"Uhm, they are in Osaka and they would be watching my performance there as well."

"I see," he adjusted his thick glasses. " I thought your father wouldn't be interested with this little play of yours since it's from America, social anxiety, what? That has nothing to do with our culture."

"Ah, thank you for your feedback, Ishiguro-san, but I think the story would resonate well with the youth."

"Youth? How vulgar is our youth today? This stage has nothing like the refined and more delicate aesthetics of your father's period drama projects."

"Ah," Taiga feigned a laugh. "Well, I guess this is what they call generational gap," he said, his tone neutral and still respectful.

The man harrumphed, he clearly didn't want to be told that he is old. "Well, your generation, meaning you, has a lot to thank your father, I don’t think you would be standing on this stage without his name attached-"

The man didn't finish his rebuttal as Matsumura stood up, he stared down at the man before he clucked his tongue. "Look, here, old man-"

"Old man?"

"Yes, you are old, but news flash, I'm _waaaaay_ older than you. But enough about me, Kyomoto here," Matsumura placed his arm on Taiga's shoulder, "is one the best musical actors and you could only be tone-deaf and blind if you couldn't see it, maybe it's time to upgrade your glasses and hearing aide," Matsumura retorted that Taiga and Ishiguro-san could only gape. Taiga turned to Kouchi, "is he drunk?" he mouthed, but Kouchi simply shook his head and he looked just as shock as he is.

Hokuto grabbed Taiga's hand and gave the man another staring down, "you're hakama is boring by the way, excuse us," he finished and dragged Taiga away from that man, from the curious onlookers, and from Kouchi who just shook his head while still continued with his meal.

***

"Sensei, sensei, sensei!"

Matsumura stopped and turned to Taiga, "yes?"

"Where are we going?" Taiga asked they've just reached Hibiya Park and Matsumura has been dragging him from Imperial Theater. "I'm just gonna seat, I'm tired," Taiga said and his stomach grumbled, while Kouchi and his sensei were busy stuffing themselves with food, Taiga was busy answering questions from the press to toasting champagne to everyone that he forgot to eat.

"You shouldn't do that," Matsumura said before he sat beside him on the wooden bench.

"What did I do?"

"You mean, what you didn't do?" He strongly accused.

Taiga remained confused.

"If someone tries to bring you down, you should pull yourself up, don't just smile and make them think that they could walk all over you."

"Ah that, I'm so used to it that I've learned to take it into stride," Taiga said as he admired the crane-shaped fountain in the middle of the pond. "Those kinds of people would never listen anyway so I learned to laugh about it."

"Then those people would never acknowledge you, they would always think of you as your father's son."

Taiga turned to his sensei, the warm glow of the park's lamp transformed his sensei's angular features to soft and amiable but just as mysterious. "Sensei, could you turn your back against me?"

"Huh?"

"Please."

His sensei still looked skeptical but he shifted on his seat and turned his back away from Taiga.

"Now what?"

Taiga didn’t answer, he just proceeded to hug his sensei from behind, he could feel his hard abdominal muscles as he draped his arms around, he inhaled the sweet and fruity scent of a popular fabric softener, and felt the warmth and broadness of his sensei's shoulder as Taiga leaned his face.

"K-Kyomoto?" His sensei's voice cracked while his body went rigid.

"You said that my voice made you feel like you're being hugged from behind, well, I feel the same after you acknowledge me as a musical actor, I didn't think that it could be this comforting." Taiga tightened his arms around him and after a while, he felt his sensei's hands clasped on his own while his body softened up to him.


	16. I don't seem to be me

Jesse thought that he was just overthinking it, but after he spent the past 4 days in what he referred to as the K2 apartment, he's quite sure that there's something different about his senpai. He turned to Kouchi who just opened his second purin.

"Uhm, Kouchi," Jesse whispered while his eyes remained on Taiga who is outside on the balcony, he chose to be out in the summer heat than in the comfort of the room's air conditioner.

"What?" Kouchi asked without looking back, his eyes glued on TV while he watched a Korean drama called "Her Private Life" on Netflix.

"Uhm, I know that I'm just a visitor here, and I know that I shouldn't intrude much, but is everything okay between you and senpai?"

Kouchi scowled back at him, "what are you talking about? Did we do something to made you think that we're not on good terms?"

"Well," Jesse threaded carefully, "then, why are we eating this purin here while he's outside on the balcony? I noticed that he'd been doing that all the time."

They both glanced at Taiga who is casually eating his purin while he leaned over the balcony.

"Oh, that," Kouchi said with a pout. "Did you also notice that even though he has a balcony inside his room, he's always here in the living room?"

"Oh, but why? Is senpai so hell-bent on catching that cat?"

"Rather than a cat, I think he wants to catch a shiba-inu." Kouchi smiled mischievously.

"Huh?"

"You've been out of that balcony, did you see anything interesting?"

Jesse thought hard, across the K2 apartment is another apartment, which is identical to where they lived, on the left is Taiga's room balcony, while on the right is a fake balcony made to balance the building's design.

"I don't think there's anything interesting at all," Jesse surmised.

"That's what I also thought until yesterday morning," Kouchi said, his eyes full of malice. "I was outside when I heard a sliding door opened, I searched for the source of the sound, and I saw Matsumura-san airing his laundry on his balcony."

"Oh, yeah, Matsumura-sensei lived below, right?"

"Yep, his room is just below Taiga's."

Jesse was silent for a while, he's sure that there's a bigger picture but he couldn't pinpoint it.

"Uhm, so, senpai is waiting for Matsumura-sensei to come out of his balcony, why? Couldn't senpai just contact him?"

Kouchi scowled at him as though he said something stupid, "are you really clueless or you just want to hear it directly from me?"

"Hear what from you? Oh, senpai!"

Taiga returned to the living room looking so forlorn that he didn't even finish his purin.

"Didn't you see sensei?" Jesse quipped, which earned him a flabbergasted glare from Kouchi.

"Huh?" Taiga snapped. "Why would I want to see sensei?" He asked while redness crept on his cheeks.

"Oh, well," Jesse suddenly felt embarrassed. "Uhm, I'm just gonna say that you could message him on LINE if you need anything," he pointed out.

Taiga swiftly moved to Jesse's side, his eyes on fire as he grabbed Jesse by his shirt's collar, "why do you have sensei's LINE contact?" He hissed as though it was illegal for him to have it.

"Well, he made a GC for all his students. Ah, I guess because you joined the class late so you were not added to the GC." Jesse took out his phone, told Taiga that he would add him, and Taiga repeatedly nodded like a dog who's been offered his only snack for the day.

"There, I sent an invite, senpai."

Taiga's fingers were on his phone before the invitation arrived, which he immediately accepted. "I'm in!" He gushed as he started with back reading. "Wait a minute!" Taiga said with rising alarm, "why are you guys greeting sensei with 'happy birthday!'?"

"It was sensei's birthday last June 18th," Jesse nonchalantly said. "Mine was on the 11th by the way," he added.

"What?!" Taiga shrieked. "It was sensei's birthday and I gave him nothing."

"Uhm, I don't think he wanted any-"

"No," Taiga said strongly, "I'm going out for a while." He marched into his room, and a couple of minutes later, he was in his tracksuit, cap, and mask. "I'm leaving, see you later," he said quickly without giving them so much of a glance.

Kouchi could only shake his head as they listened to the door closing. "He lost it, seriously lost it."

"What's with senpai? He was quite, uhm, too enthusiastic?"

Kouchi scoffed, " enthusiastic? It's more like crazy in lo-." He stopped and smirked at Jesse, "I guess you're too pure to get it."

"W-what do you mean?" Jesse is really confused.

"Just watched this drama, maybe you'll get it," Kouchi instructed before he stood up and went to the washroom.

Jesse looked on the TV, on the screen is a woman doing her job as a fansite master, Jesse gasped at the sudden realization. "Eh? Matsumura-sensei is a fansite master?"

***

Taiga looked at the time, it was almost 3 in the morning and he looked at the cardholder he made using Kouchi's leathercraft tool. He should be happy, it was the fifth one he made before he thinks that he perfected everything, but he just felt tired and by his fourth attempt with leathercraft, he began questioning what is he fighting for anyway? He yawned, and yawned, and yawned; he opened the woman's fashion magazine he bought at the konbini because he was really clueless on what to give Matsumura-sensei, the magazine suggested that DIY gifts are all in a rage so Taiga immediately thought of Kouchi's leather craft hobby that he successfully turned in to a business.

Taiga laid down on his bed while he continued to scan the magazine until he got to the horoscope section and reads it, "This month highlights the commitments you've made to other people, Sagittarius. It’s Gemini season, and Gemini is your opposite sign, which means it presides over your chart’s house of relationships at large — including both lovers and nemeses. The new moon in Gemini on offers a fresh perspective on your relationships and how to navigate the complicated “So, what are we?” conversation. This lunation helps you keep it simple, but still allows space for multiple points of view."

Taiga is suddenly awake, he didn't really believe in horoscopes but this one made sense, of course, he knew that everything only makes sense because it’s in his favor. He continued reading, "Neptune, the planet of illusions, also begins its retrograde on Friday, June 21, which is the same day that Cancer season begins. This planet has been in a deeply personal sector of your chart since 2011, creating an air of mysticism around the things you’ve inherited from your family and when it comes to your home life in general. This month is an interesting time to learn about your lineage as Neptune slows down."

Taiga's interest started to wean, he knew all about his lineage and there's nothing mystifying he inherited from his family, he stopped as he remembered that he did inherit something weird, an oddly-designed ring. He closed the magazine as drowsiness started to claim him, there must be something about teachers, he recalled his kindergarten self who refused to move to his new class because he liked his homeroom teacher; two decades later, would this be another passing fancy?

***

"Good morning, sensei!" Taiga greeted with the same energy as the 28'C heat outside, Matsumura-sensei obviously wasn't expecting an early visitor seeing he's still in what Taiga thinks is his sleepwear, an old University sweatshirt, and shorts, his semi-permed hair is static, and he looked at him as though as he was blinded by something.

"K-Kyomoto?" He asked and yawned. Taiga suddenly felt overdress for a morning visit, he didn't want to show up in his usual black shirt and black jogging pants so he changed to some of his most stylish ensembles; cargo pants, a white v-neck top, and a leather jacket, yes, he's wearing a leather jacket in summer.

"Belated happy birthday, sensei!" He handed his gift that he wrapped in a dark blue box, which his sensei happily accepted, okay, so maybe he gave his gift quite a push to his reluctant hands.

"I also bought a cake!" He raised the huge box with the logo of a famous patissier. "I guess you haven't had breakfast yet, so let's have cake," he said quickly and invited himself inside before his sensei could react. "Oh, I'm still wearing my indoor slippers so there's no need to prepare one for me," he added and made his way to his sensei's kitchen.

Matsumura-sensei looked like he's still not fully awake as he turned on his Nespresso machine and excused himself that he's going to get his glasses in his room. Taiga took quick deep breaths the moment his sensei is gone, his heart is still beating erratically, god knows where he got the guts to act like a pushy girlfriend. He immediately made a show of searching the cupboard for plates when his sensei went out of his room, Taiga thought he would drop the cake the moment his sensei changed his sweatshirt to a sleeveless top, his unruly hair pushed back with an elastic headband, and he wore his frameless glasses.

"Let me help you," he said and took the cake from him. "Cool, I like strawberry shortcake," he said while he took it out of the box, he opened the overhead cupboard and Taiga found himself holding his breath as he stares at his sensei's muscular arms, his almost hairless armpit smooth, and the veins that run along his arms is sending him signals. "I think I'm full now," Taiga said all too loudly that his sensei gave him a confused look.

"Uhm, I mean, it feels weird that I’ll be eating the cake which I bought for you, sensei like I only bought that because I also get to eat it," he muttered as an excuse.

"It's no big deal, I didn't have a cake on my birthday, so let's eat this together," Matsumura beamed at him. Taiga felt like crying, his sensei didn't even get to have a cake on his birthday, he should have bought all the cake from that patisserie. "Just take a seat," his sensei ordered, "I'll make you a coffee."

"Uhm, okay," Taiga sat on one of the chairs, his eyes never leaving his sensei as he prepared their coffee. "By the way, sensei, Uhm, do you live alone?"

"I do."

"Ah, n-no girlfriend?" He asked while he crossed his fingers under the table.

"Nope," Matsumura answered before he served Taiga a slice of cake. "The only coffee I could make, flat white, do you like sugar on your coffee? Taiga usually prefers his coffee black, but he could only nod when his sensei asked so maybe coffee with sugar won't be that bad.

"Uhm, you're not even dating anyone?" Taiga asked before he popped in a strawberry.

"Nope," his sensei answered and stared at him, curiously. "Why are you interested to know?"

"Uhm, because it seems like you celebrated your birthday alone, so, I'm sorry for intruding." Taiga quickly said and drank his coffee. He grimaced because of the sweetness, he didn't like sugared coffee at all.

Matsumura smiled, "well, I had lots of birthdays, celebrating it has become a chore."

Taiga is affronted, "uhm, I'm sorry again for intruding and forcing you to celebrate your birthday."

"It's no big deal," Matsumura repeatedly waved his hand. "I welcome this change of pace."

"Uhm, so, you didn't celebrate your birthday even when you're with Elise-san?" Taiga meekly asked.

Matsumura stared at him and smiled, "Elise, huh?"

"Sorry," Taiga apologized. "I mean, it's obvious that she's not your grandmother because you wouldn't kiss-you know what I mean." Taiga trailed off so he just ate a chunk of his cake.

"Well." Matsumura looked like he was reminiscing a distant memory. "Let's just say that we celebrated it quite differently, it was a different time, and instead of coffee, we'll probably be drinking tea," he smiled as though it was an inside joke.

_They probably have birthday sex,_ Taiga thought but he also noticed that forlorn look when Elise name was mentioned, his sensei's relationship with this woman must be bittersweet if she could still conjure sadness in his sensei.

"But I'm sure she's pretty," Taiga remarked, "after all, she looks like me." He smiled. 

"Ah, yes, you're-she's-pretty, " his sensei answered. Taiga watched his sensei absent-mindedly ate the cake, his mind probably back to memories of this Elise that Taiga felt offended for some reason. His sensei kept on eating that he didn't notice his upper lip have been smeared with cream. Taiga didn't think twice but he stood up from his seat, bent his waist across the table, and reached for his sensei's chin, Matsumura stared back at him with surprise, "you have cream on your lips," Taiga whispered before he licked the cream off.

"I-I shouldn't have done that," Taiga whispered with a degree of mortification when he realized what he had done, both of them wide-eyed in astonishment, but Taiga's fingers remained on his sensei's chin.

"You really shouldn't have," his sensei said, "especially when you hated so much that I kissed you without your consent." Taiga could smell the strong aroma of coffee and sweetness of strawberry from his sensei's breath that he wanted to lick it from him.

"I never said anything about hating it, just hated that you kissed me with a different person in mind."

"Then, K-Kyomoto Taiga, would you allow me to kiss you again?"

Taiga swallowed hard, after what he did earlier, he suddenly felt shy to say yes, but not shy enough to do what he wanted to do, and that is to plunge his tongue down his sensei's waiting mouth.

***

Hokuto groggily went to open his door as he has been expecting Shintaro, but he didn't expect he would be this early, so imagine his surprise when he opened the door and saw the glowing face of his student and downstair's neighbor.

"Good morning, sensei!" Kyomoto greeted and Hokuto could only mumble his name back as Taiga shone like the summer sun that his eyes couldn't adjust yet. 

"Belated happy birthday, sensei!" He handed his gift that was wrapped in a dark blue box, which Hokuto was forced to accept when Kyomoto pushed it to his reluctant hands. Hokuto is yet to thank him when he showed the cake he bought from a patisserie he also liked, and the next thing he knew, he mentioned breakfast and strutted into his apartment as though it's his turf.

"Oh, I'm still wearing my indoor slippers so there's no need to prepare one for me," he added and made his way to his kitchen. Hokuto quickened his steps to reach him, he didn't really trust anyone in his kitchen and between Kyomoto and Kouchi-san, it looked like the latter made the most work in their kitchen. Hokuto stepped in and turned on his Nespresso machine before he excused himself in the guise of getting his glasses.

The moment he got into his room, Hokuto cringed to see his wrinkled sleepwear, his frizzy hair, and oily face. While Kyomoto looked like he would be attending a summer rock concert, Hokuto was dressed like a homeless person outside of a summer rock concert venue. He immediately looked for his Evian mist, sprayed his face with the same energy when he's spraying a bug spray on a cockroach, after drying his face, he changed his sweatshirt to something more summer appropriate, a sleeveless top. For his hair, it would be weird if he put on a pomade or ironed it, so he used an elastic headband to push back his permed before he put on what he came for, his glasses.

"Let me help you," he said and took the cake from Kyomoto. "Cool, I like strawberry shortcake," he lied, he prefers chocolate cakes over sponge cakes, he took out the plates from his overhead cupboard before he took out the cake from the box and prepared to slice it, for some odd reason, he felt self-conscious as he could feel Kyomoto's eyes boring on him. "I think I'm full now," Kyomoto said and Hokuto turned to him, scowling. 

"Uhm, I mean, it feels weird that I’ll be eating the cake which I bought for you, sensei like I only bought that because I also get to eat it," he muttered.

"It's no big deal, I didn't have a cake on my birthday, so let's eat this together," he beamed at Kyomoto and when he glanced back at him, he was almost teary-eyed, Hokuto realized that Kyomoto must have pitied him for his lack of birthday cake. "Just take a seat," Hokuto ordered, "I'll make you a coffee."

Kyomoto sat quietly while Hokuto prepared two coffee cups and milk, he poured one shot of Nespresso into his cup, while he lightly injects air into the milk using his osterizer.

"By the way, sensei, uhm, do you live alone?" Kyomoto asked.

"I do," he simply answered. 

"Ah, n-no girlfriend?"

Hokuto quickly glanced at Kyomoto's direction and saw him crossed his fingers, "Nope," he answered before he brought the cake and coffee to the table. "The only coffee I could make, flat white, do you like sugar on your coffee?" He asked to which Kyomoto agreed.

"Uhm, you're not even dating anyone?" Kyomoto asked before he forked the strawberry on top and ate it.

_"_ Nope," Hokuto answered. "Why are you interested to know?" He asked even though he fairly had an idea, he wasn't born yesterday not to know this stuff, and he also knew that Kyomoto had been spending quite a lot of his free time on his balcony to see him. At first, Hokuto thought that he was just overthinking it, but it also made him self-conscious that he would make sure that he looked presentable before he goes out of his balcony,

"Uhm, because it seems like you celebrated your birthday alone, so, I'm sorry for intruding, "Kyomoto answered quickly and drank his coffee. Hokuto saw him grimaced but he quickly masked it with a smile, Hokuto deduced that it's either the coffee is too bitter or too sweet for his taste.

"Well, I had lots of birthdays, celebrating it has become a chore," he really meant that. This is his third life, he had been celebrating his birthday forever, if he adds his previous life, he is now 78 years old.

Kyomoto looked hurt, "uhm, I'm sorry again for intruding and forcing you to celebrate your birthday."

"It's no big deal," he quickly said to rectify the situation, he felt like an ass to someone who prepared a gift and a cake for him, "I welcome this change of pace."

"Uhm, so, you didn't celebrate your birthday even when you're with Elise-san?" Kyomoto meekly asked.

_Why is he bringing up Elise?_ "Elise, huh?" Funny that he never thought of Elise until Kyomoto mentioned her, Hokuto guessed that Kyomoto's brunette hair really separated him from her, or maybe because he knew Kyomoto more now than it was before.

"Sorry," Kyomoto apologized and Hokuto felt like an ass again, Kyomoto has been apologizing a lot since he entered his apartment. "I mean, it's obvious that she's not your grandmother because you wouldn't kiss-you know what I mean." 

"Well," Hokuto began, he tried to recall his birthdays with Elise and realized that the month of April was both busy for them because it's the start of the Season where bachelors like him would be busy running away from matchmaker matrons while Elise would be busy with her stage plays since that's the time when The Ton is in the town to be merry. "Let's just say that we celebrated it quite differently, it was a different time, and instead of coffee, we'll probably be drinking tea," he smiled because he only drank tea back then.

"But I'm sure she's pretty," Kyomoto remarked, "after all, she looks like me." He beamed and Hokuto could only swallow hard. 

"Ah, yes, y-you're-she's-pretty, " he stammered, he never thought that he'd be using that adjective to describe a guy, actually, he even thinks that it's an understatement for Kyomoto. Hokuto kept on putting in and swallowing the cake and the next thing he knew, Kyomoto held his chin up to face him, he said something about having cream on his lips, but that bit is so insignificant to what he did afterward, Kyomoto licked the cream from his upper lip.

"I-I shouldn't have done that," Kyomoto whispered while they smelled each other's breath. Hokuto knew he should be the wiser and more disciplined person in the room, he should back-out now, he didn't even like strawberry shortcakes but the smell of sugar and citrus made Hokuto want to chase Kyomoto's lips back to his.

"You really shouldn't have," Hokuto whispered, the tip of his nose on his. "Especially when you hated so much that I kissed you without your consent."

"I never said anything about hating it, just hated that you kissed me with a different person in mind."

Hokuto swallowed, he still had the chance to step back, "Then, K-Kyomoto Taiga, would you allow me to kiss you again?" Hokuto decided to bet that Kyomoto would say no, but he didn't, instead, he drove his tongue down to Hokuto's waiting mouth, and they both moaned from getting their fix.

The moment Hokuto kissed Kyomoto back, he has never been glad to be in Japan and at this time. If he were back in 1890s England, he would be in jail as homosexuality is considered a criminal offense while in Nazi Germany, he would be sent to concentration camps and be treated as sub-human. He just turned 26 and he never thought that his sexuality would even become a topic, but for now, he'll enjoy this kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -the horoscope I mentioned here is a real horoscope from June 2019 of Allure magazine. I was so happy to find one that fits my plot, I didn't have to invent anything.  
> \- Reminding myself that I rated this TEEN and I don't intend to change that.


	17. Another Lifetime

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @/KoeeseSimp for that Kudos spree

One thing that humans are good at is wasting their time, they always rely on the concept of tomorrow, and even those who knew that they are living on borrowed time would still live in luxury that there's another day, or maybe, another life. Life is too short for humans to learn their lesson even to that person who is living his third life.

The cat sighed, yes, a cat could also sigh. It was wrong of him to assumed that the kiss would get things moving, they did move, but in opposite directions. The one who initiated the kiss chose to be coy and wait for the other to move, while the person he'd been waiting for is still in a perpetual state of denial. The cat meowed, although it sounded like a roar that the birds in the vicinity flew away, no one could blame the cat for this feeling of anger, watching those two is painful, just as their stupidity is irreparable. From now on, he would refer to those two as the _baka_ -couple.

The cat watched closely as one of the _baka_ -couple ate his lunch, just as he is slow in the uptake of love, he's also a slow eater. The cat hissed, thinking if he should give this slowpoke a much-needed push, contrary to what someone believed, Kyomo losing his voice was unintentional, but it also made the cat believed that serendipity is still in the works. The cat hissed again and Hokuto turned in his direction, he stared at him before he looked back at his meal and ate in speed. The cat could only roll his eyes, he guessed he could wait a bit more, Hokuto might not make a move soon, but Kyomo might. After all, he has her blood.

The cat leaped and went in the direction of the Administrative Building, the weather is getting too hot in Tokyo, he might as well take a vacation Down Under while he waits it out between those two.

"Good afternoon, Headmaster, did you have a good walk?" His beautiful secretary asked.

"Yes, I had a good walk, thank you for asking," he answered before he ran his fingers through his pink locks.

"By the way, sir, you have a visitor inside, he has your card so I let him in." 

"Did he say his name?"

"Yes, its Morimoto Shintaro."

***

Taiga rushed to his dressing room, opened his bag, and rummaged for his phone, only to hit him with the biting reality that he has zero messages. He sat on the sofa like a wet scrambled egg, what is he waiting for anyway? What did he expect from that kiss? Is he that naïve to think that he would ask him for a date?

" _Otsukare_ , Taiga-senpai!"

Taiga straightened on his seat upon seeing Jesse with a huge bouquet of lilies in his arms.

"Thank you, Jess, I didn't know you were in the audience." He took a picture of the flowers after he received it before he took a selfie with it and another selfie with Jesse.

"I wanted to surprise you, senpai. That was great, by the way, that I was thinking of singing one of your songs for my Radio 1 guesting next week," Jesse said and told him the song's title.

"Really? I think you'll do well, but I'll be in Osaka next week so I guess I'll just watch your performance on Youtube." Taiga paused, unsure if he wanted to ask Jesse this question that has been bugging him. "By the way, Jesse, may I ask you a question?"

"Sure," Jesse agreed and sat opposite of him, his long legs crowded the space.

"Uhm, I have a friend," Taiga started and Jesse nodded enthusiastically. "So this friend of mine kissed t-this guy and the guy did kiss my friend back but it's been 2 weeks and I-I mean my friend hasn't heard from him ever since, so my friend is a bit confused on what to do next?"

Jesse nodded and rested his chin on his hand, "basically, your friend is the one who fell first."

Taiga nodded then his eyes grew wide when he realized what Jesse was implying. "I-I? I mean, my friend f-fell f-for him?" He stammered.

Jesse nonchalantly nodded, "I'm not really an expert on this area but it's obvious that your friend thought so much of that kiss that your friend felt it was unfair when the other party didn't even bother-"

"But he kissed my friend back," Taiga retorted and realized he might be too defensive.

Jesse remained unconvinced, "well he's a guy, he's probably too embarrassed to reject someone, or maybe, he's just as horny and there's someone who wanted him so he played along."

Taiga didn't think he could hate Jesse this much when he spoke the probable truth. He thought about it, Matsumura has said how Taiga resembled his ex-girlfriend Elise, did he, again, imagined her when he kissed him?

"If I were your friend," Jesse concurred, "I'll just forget about the kiss, it’s obvious that the other party is not interested." Jesse snickered, "besides, it's not like we're living in the last century, kissing now is like a part of adulting."

Taiga felt aggrieved even more, "well, so sorry for living in the last century, I'll tell my friend to time-travel to the last century where people would only kiss people they actually liked!" He snapped before he left the room, leaving Jesse surprised and confused, "I wonder if that friend is Kouchi?" Jesse thought.

Taiga ran to the nearest restroom after he walked-out of Jesse, he was still seething that he kept walking back and forth inside the restroom, oblivious to the stares he has been getting from the production crew. How could he like Matsumura-sensei? Well, he would admit that he likes his face, his nose particularly, his height is nice too, then, his ripped upper body that he once saw suggested a nice physique. Taiga stopped, why is he even listing Matsumura's fine qualities?

He ran his fingers on his hair, when could it have started? Was it when he sleepily kissed him in his room? Was it when he told him how his voice is soothing? Was it when they held hands when he lost his voice? Taiga held his breath as the chilling realization dawned on him, he likes his sensei earlier than that, it was probably when he picked up a page from his course syllabus and gave it to him.

Taiga turned on the faucet and repeatedly splashed water on his face, when he was satisfied, he stared at his reflection as droplets of water ran down from his slightly reddened face, what should he do with this feeling? 

***

Taiga took a peek in the living-room and inhaled a sigh of relief after seeing it deserted, he thanked the heavens that Kouchi is finally done with his Terrace House marathon, he tiptoed to the bathroom, he knocked softly before he opened it, he sighed again with relief that Kouchi also didn't do his usual weekend long baths. Taiga could only wish that his housemate is sleeping soundly in his room.

He tiptoed back to the living room and took their wireless handset from its hook, he increased the volume of his Radiko and waited for the signal to call the program, Heartbeats ANN, a program that gives love advice to their callers. Taiga cringed at what he was about to do, he didn’t think that he would be acting like some high school student who's confused with his feelings. Minutes later, he heard the signal to call and dialed immediately.

_Beep. Beep. Beep…_ Taiga cursed and hit redial.

_Beep.Beep.Beep..._ Taiga again muttered a curse until he heard that the show has already gotten its first caller. Taiga let out a train of expletives before he stomped his feet back to his room, the wireless handset still clutched on his arms as he grudgingly listened to the caller.

"Good evening and welcome to Heartbeats ANN, this is your navigator, Kora. Hello to our first caller for tonight, how do you want to be addressed and how old are you?"

"Uhm, good evening, I'm Haruto and I'm 26."

"Hello, Haruto-kun, you sound like you have a cold, are you okay?"

"Uhm, I have a bit of cold."

_Then, just rest,_ Taiga mumbled, this Haruto sounded weird like he was pinching his nose while he spoke, it's the middle of summer, how could he get cold?

"Okay, Haruto-kun, do you need advice, or do you want to share your story?"

"Uhm, both actually."

Taiga gritted his teeth and glared at the caller via his handset, now, he would never have a chance to call since the caller would definitely monopolize the 1-hour timeslot.

"Very well, Haruto-kun, off with your story," Kora said before the familiar mellow tunes from a piano flowed. Taiga could hear this Haruto cleared his throat before he started his story with his nasal voice.

"Well, my story is quite complicated but I heard you talked about this Chinese drama called 'Ten Miles Peach Blossom' and I would like to use that as a reference instead of telling my actual story."

Taiga clucked his tongue, Kora-san sounded happy that someone else is familiar with that drama, while Taiga rolled his eyes, if this caller didn't want to share his story then he shouldn't have called.

"Right now, I felt like I'm Ye Hua in another lifetime, in another world, who fell in love with Bai Qian who happened to be Su Su in the past."

Taiga slowly shook his head, he has no idea what this Haruto is talking about and he also has no idea why Kora is squealing with his story.

"Hmmm, the way you told this story, you don't seem happy to meet Bai Qian again," Kora surmised.

"Well, frankly, I'd rather not entertained this feeling, I don't want this. Let's just say that I'm living on a borrowed time and I might just leave someone heartbroken again just like what I did in the past."

"But Haruto-kun, all of us are living in borrowed time, tomorrow is never a guarantee. I don't know about your real situation, but Ye Hua wasted no time in pursuing Bai Qian when he met her even though Su Su is still in his mind, and we both know about the tragedy that came next, which I won't say because that'll be a major spoiler. My point is, just like Ye Hua, start living in the present, I'm not telling you to forget the past, because the past has this uncanny way of connecting us to the present. In fact, what happened in your past might have been fate's way to prepare you for the present. "

The handset slipped from Taiga's grasp, unable to relate to the fictional and real conversation, he had fallen asleep and gone to dreamland.

***

Hokuto took a deep breath and ended the call, he walked to his balcony and opened the door, the night is quiet, the sky cloudless, and the sound of cicadas might just be his imagination. He has no qualms about living in the present even though his past memories wouldn't let him fully enjoy that, but he has been living in comfort for so long, why complicate matters?

He knew why Kora-san didn't reveal the ending of Ye Hua and Bai Qian's love story, it wasn't because it would be a spoiler, but because it's something that could only happen onscreen. Ye Hua died, Bai Qian grieved, but Ye Hua came back from the dead and lived with the love of his life again. To Ye Hua and Bai Qian, immortality is a gift and that won't happen in real life, once you die it's over.

Hokuto might have been reborn thrice, the prospect that he would be reborn again is slim, and even if he got favored by the gods and would be rewarded with another life, he would be reborn in a different body but with the same memories. He would have to start from infancy until adulthood and by that time, would _he_ be like Bai Qian waiting for him? Would Hokuto want him to wait? Would he want him to spend his life waiting for a return that has no guarantee? Even if he did wait, he'd be old while Hokuto would be back in his prime, if not, he might be six feet under.

Hokuto's grip tightened on his balcony's handrail, he glanced up and saw Kyomoto's balcony empty, this feeling should never flourish, even if it meant that he has to drink an amnesia potion. He wiped the tear that fell from his eye, one tear followed by many, and soon, it was just a waterfall. He remembered the promise he made before he jumped into the frigid waters of the Atlantic, about wanting to be reborn and making amends for his mistakes to Elise, but Kyomoto is not Elise, he had no mistakes to amend to him, and even if he has, not making amends is the right move.

"Live in the present? This is the present, I'm Matsumura Hokuto and he is Kyomoto Taiga, I'm not Alexander and he's not Elise, there's no tragic past between us, only the present, and in this present, I only have less than a year before another death."

***

The trip is only 155 minutes and Ten Miles Peach Blossom is a 58 episodes drama, Taiga lost all the interest to watch it.

"There's a movie version of that drama, although the drama is better, you would get the gist from the movie." Taiga almost jumped when Tanaka-san appeared out of nowhere, Taiga was sure that his co-star is seated beside him but he must be too absent-minded to noticed that he was gone.

"Oh, your co-star went to the washroom," Tanaka smiled.

"Uhm, I didn't expect you to be here, head-I mean, Tanaka-san, do you have a business in Osaka?"

"Nope, I'm flying Down Under from Kansai Airport."

"Down Under?" _Is that hell?_ Taiga guessed.

"Down Under means Australia, it's so hot in Japan right now, I need to go somewhere cold, and the weather down south is the opposite of our weather here in the north," he explained.

Taiga nodded, although he's not really interested in the weather talk.

"So, Kyomoto-kun, why do you want to watch Ten Miles Peach Blossoms?" He queried even though Taiga has this inkling that Tanaka already knew the answer.

"Uhm, someone recommended it from the radio," he said, which is in a way true.

"I see, " Tanaka nodded, "Bai Qian is an interesting character, she has many loves, first she fell in love with the demon god even though she's from heaven realm, then she fell for her teacher-"

"She fell for her teacher?" Taiga asked with too much enthusiasm.

"Or so I thought and also what everyone else's thought, after all, she stole her master's body and kept it for hundreds of years-"

"Then what happened?" Taiga asked, his eyes wide in anticipation.

"Well, she managed to revive her master, but her feelings for her master is really just that between a master and a student, she didn't have that kind of love that everybody thought she has."

"Y-you mean?" Taiga gulped, he knew the answer but he still needs to hear it.

"It was nothing but admiration and gratitude."

Taiga slouched on his seat, he hasn't seen the drama but why does he feel dejected? Why is he disappointed in a character that he didn't even know?

"But that's the drama, Bai Qian ended-up with her teacher in the movie," Tanaka said, his voice wispy.

"Really?" Taiga whipped his head to his headmaster and found him gone, he stood up and saw his co-star walking back to his seat, Taiga asked him if he saw someone with pink hair and wears lots of gold, but his co-star simply shook his head before he sat next to Taiga. Goosebumps appeared on his arms and he hugged himself as he felt the chill, he realized what the headmaster had advised him, it was the advice he seek when he tried to call "Heartbeats ANN", he wanted to know whether this feeling he has for his sensei is gratitude or love, and now he knew the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Ten Miles Peach Blossom is a Chinese drama, it has a drama and movie version and it has different endings because they decided to interpret a certain character differently.


	18. sic itur ad astra (to the stars)

Kouchi didn't want to attend Jesse's Radio 1 live session, his employees had to work overtime because they got a massive order to accomplished and the deadline is drawing near, but Jesse told him that he has a scoop about Taiga and Kouchi is itching to know what it is. Taiga had been acting weirdly these days, well, he has always been weird but it went up to a notch lately and he wouldn't confide anything to Kouchi.

"Oh, it's you."

Kouchi turned in the direction of the voice and fought his hardest not to roll his eyes, this man is everywhere.

"Konichiwa, Ishiguro-san," he greeted with distaste, this man failed "Dear Evan Hansen" in his review after his altercation with Taiga and Matsumura-sensei. Taiga didn't seem to mind, he said that he has been expecting it, but Kouchi knew that Taiga probably doubled his effort to the point of exhaustion just to prove his detractors wrong.

"Kouchi Yugo-san, correct?" He asked although he obviously wasn't waiting for an answer as he continued, "your friend is here?" He asked in a lazy drawl.

"Uhm, no," he answered then, he heard Jesse's energetic voice careening in their direction.

"I'm so glad you came!" Jesse exclaimed and put his arms around him, he glanced between Ishiguro-san and him, he clearly had no idea who Ishiguro-san is and it made the old man irritated.

"Ah, I see, Kouchi-san," Ishiguro-san said, his eyes and voice full of malice. "Is this what you do for a living? Live-off from your celebrity friends?"

Kouchi gaped, he could feel the heat rising to his temples, he wanted to tie this old geezer until he begged for his mercy for insulting him, but Jesse beat him to it.

"Nah, it's the other way around, I stalked Kouchi until he agreed to be my friend, and now I'm practically living-off from him and Taiga-senpai because I'm a human leech," Jesse said proudly. "Excuse us, the leech has to entertain his masters." Jesse pulled Kouchi away from a fuming Ishiguro-san who clearly didn't relish not having the last say. 

"You shouldn't have said that Jess," Kouchi said when they were in the elevator, "that man is-"

"I know who he is," Jesse interjected and crossed his arms, "and I don't care what he writes about me since I don't have a musical theater career anyway, whatever he says about me would be treated as him trying to ride my popularity."

"Still-" Kouchi is still worried.

"It's okay, it's fine, I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose, fire away-"

"Okay, you don't have to sing," Kouchi said. "Taiga told me that you'll be singing a song from his play?"

"Yep, it's called 'For you I will' and I'm dedicating it to both of you."

"Really? thank you," Kouchi is seriously touched, he didn't think he ever had a song dedicated to him.

"No big deal, but tell me the truth, you have no idea what song I'm talking about, right?" Jesse teased.

Kouchi swallowed, "duh, I've seen the play of course I know the song," he said with indignation. 

"Senpai is right, you only attend for the catering."

"I know the song," he insisted.

Jesse giggled as the elevator opened and faced him, "I lied, there's no 'For you I will', the song is called 'For Forever'," he finished with a huge grin.

Kouchi could feel his entire face has reddened, "I'm just not good with titles but once I heard it, I would know it," he defended and made a mental note that he would listen to all of Taiga's and Jesse's songs moving forward.

"Okay, Kouchi." Jesse rolled his eyes, he started humming the song as they walked toward the booth.

***

There is something different about Matsumura-sensei and all his students have the displeasure of noticing it. The greater female population of his classes were the most distraught that their favorite history teacher had been very moody; he would glare at the slightest noise that those with colds would rather be absent than be on the receiving end of their sensei's line of sight, his bevy of female admirers who greeted him with each step in the hallway would look down to their feet, choose a different route, or pretend that they were busy on their phones than force themselves to greet him and received a glare.

Glares aside, Matsumura-sensei seemed quite distracted at work as well, one class reported that he started teaching something that was two chapters advance to their original syllabus, and when someone pointed out that he was teaching a different lesson, he told the entire class for a 500-word essay due on that day before the class ends. However, that class is quite lucky because there's one class that he didn't even bother teaching, rumor has it that he would just come in to check the attendance, would tell them to read certain chapters where they have to submit an essay afterward via email, then, he would leave the class.

"It's been two classes already and I have been writing nothing but essays," Jesse showed his right middle finger to Kouchi, "can you see this callous? This is worse than when I was studying to play the guitar."

Kouchi merely shrugged it off, "maybe because it's summer, the heat lately is enough to put everyone in bad mood. Didn't we reach 40C degrees the other day?"

Jesse shook his head, "I feel the heat, too, but I don't go around glaring at people and making them write a thousand-word essay. At first, I thought sensei was just being considerate to senpai since he's been absent for two classes because of work, but after I heard what his other classes said about him, he must be really pissed-off over something. Oh, nothing confirmed yet, but it seems like sensei filed for a resignation."

"Resignation?"

"Yep, he'll probably stay only until the end of this semester."

Kouchi slapped his fist, "wait a minute, the elevator once stopped on his floor and I saw boxes outside of his apartment, he might be moving-out as well."

They both looked at each other, "did something happen to them?" they both yelped and covered their mouths, they are having a meal in a crowded samgyupsal place but thankfully, everyone was too busy to pay them any heed.

"When?" They both asked, Kouchi pointed to his chest to signal that he would speak first. "When did you start noticing?"

Jesse scratched his head, "quite late actually, when senpai asked me about a friend who kissed someone after I visited him on his butai," he said, shyly.

"I don't know about that, what about this kiss and how did you connect those two?"

"W-well, remember when I left my iPad in your place?"

Kouchi nodded.

"So, I rode the elevator up to your floor, it stopped on 17th and I was surprised to see senpai there, he was wearing a leather jacket, his hair was quite disheveled, his lower lip was a bit swollen, and he smelled sweet as though he smeared sugar on him. I asked him what he was doing there and he said that he brought his birthday gift to sensei and that's it. I didn't connect anything until he asked me about that kiss and then I remembered the balcony and everything just clicked. D-do you think we're right that something happened to them?"

Kouchi rested his chin on his fingers, "of course we're right, that could be the only explanation."

"Awww, I feel bad for senpai," Jesse sadly said.

"Why?"

"It's obviously unrequited seeing how sensei is running-away," Jesse nonchalantly said.

Kouchi threw the tong toward him, "I'm so done grilling this meat, why am I doing all the grilling while you're just eating?"

"Sorry," Jesse took the tong, "I thought grilling was your hobby since you wouldn't let go of the tong and scissors since we started."

"Anyway, that Matsumura is lucky to have Taiga, yet he had the nerve to run away?" Kouchi said before attacking the pork.

"Kouchi, as an artist, I have a huge respect for Taiga-senpai, he's the one that I have always been aiming for, but as a boyfriend?" Jesse cringed.

Kouchi scoffed, "Taiga is rich," he stated as though that's the only thing that matters.

"O-kay, but can he, like cook?"

Kouchi again scoffed, "as I've said, he's rich, he can hire a chef."

Jesse shook his head, "I'm not being pessimistic but let's prepare ourselves as this one might end up in rejection."

Kouchi also shook his head, "Taiga is hardworking and persistent, I'm sure, he'd chased him even if he gets rejected and your sensei would give in."

They measured each other, both of them smirked before saying, "wanna bet?"

***

Hokuto squinted as the noon sun filtered through the blinds of the library, he searched for an empty seat away from the rays of the sun, and when his line of sight passed-by a female student, he heard her gasped, muttered an apology to him, before vacating her table.

Hokuto sighed, his bad mood is affecting even his students and he blamed his lack of medication for this. His doctor has started to wean him off from benzodiazepines, something that he could have insisted on taking forever since he only less than a year to live anyway, but his doctor was adamant for him to stop, and he hasn't been sleeping properly since then. Oh, he could sleep well on his own, the nightmares haven't returned yet, but what replaced those nightmares is something he didn't expect. He closed his eyes and started massaging his temples, he had been dreaming of Kyomoto, nothing but Kyomoto, his brain must have easily erased his past life and replaced it with nothing but made-up memories with Kyomoto.

He dreamt of waking-up with Kyomoto in his arms, butterfly kisses every morning, some cuddles, and snuggles before he leaves for work. He dreamt of cooking breakfast for him, or keeping his guard up when Kyomoto tried to cook, he dreamt of listening to him singing every night while he prepares his lessons, if not, he dreamt of watching all his plays and he would be the first to hug him after. He dreamt that and more, more than the nightmares that have plagued him these past years, but those happy dreams he had were more painful than those nightmares, Hokuto would always wake-up with tears in his eyes as those dreams would remain nothing but that.

He feigned a big yawn to justify why his eyes have watered even though he didn't think that anyone is watching before he wiped the tears with his fingers. There was another thing that got him in the bad mood, their search for Kanade Mari might have hit a wall, just liked how his search for Elise had been, both women seemed to have disappeared without a trace. Hokuto would admit that he felt disappointed even though he didn't want to search for her in the first place, Shintaro did tell him an alternative and that would be asking Kyomoto to list all his grandmother's names, which he wouldn't do since he's supposed to forget about him.

Hokuto got startled as his phone vibrated, he stared at the screen, he wouldn't answer unknown numbers so he rejected the call and placed it down. It vibrated again, same unfamiliar number, and he rejected it again. He was about to return to reading when it gave short vibrations, which meant that he received a text, he read the message on the screen, his eyes grew wide, and he immediately packed-up his stuff to leave.

***

_Sensei, I like you, will you marry me?_

Taiga squealed, internally, as he imagined how he would confess his feelings to his Matsumura-sensei. The sound of moving _shinkansen_ drone past as he thought of different scenarios on the best way to confess, he felt hot and out of breath as the frisson that ran through his body is too much for him to take, but he's happy, and the likelihood of being rejected remained shut off from his mind. Taiga had been ignoring the fact that he couldn't send a private message to his sensei on LINE even though Taiga could posts messages on their class GC, maybe there was a glitch with the app. He also didn't mind that the flowers he sent to his sensei ended-up in a Children's Hospital, he could be allergic to flowers, and Taiga fault himself for not even asking. There was also the case his sensei didn't reply to personal messages Taiga sent via email every time he sent his essays, probably his work email is monitored by the school and it would be bad if he replies to a student's personal message even if it only says, "how's your day? What did you have for breakfast? The weather is too hot, please hydrate properly" and so on. 

Taiga sighed, he shouldn't think of negative thoughts. He touched his breast pocket and felt the shape of a ring, he took it out and admired its antiquity and its peculiarity despite the lack of gleam you would expect from a gold, basically, like those golds that his Headmaster wore. It was luck that he was able to find it when he visited his parents house, he didn't think he could find it among his collection of Happy Meal toys so it must be fate. Taiga noticed that the kid beside him have been looking at the ring as well, he glanced at the kid's mother who just gave him a nod so he decided to give the kid a demo.

"I call this the magical 4-circle ring," Taiga said in a half-whisper and half-awe. "Do you wanna see magic?" He runs his fingers around the ring as though he was making incantations before he made small circles as though he was drawing boobs. Then, he made a pop sound and showed the kid what resembled the rings of the planet Saturn if it went in different directions.

The kid looked so unimpressed he looked like he might even cry, but Taiga continued, "do you see this drawing?" He pointed to the engraving on the outer sphere, "these are waves," he said and he swore the kid snorted. Taiga then pointed to the second and third ring, "these words are in Latin, these symbols are definitely alien language, and on the last ring is probably the maker of the ring, Chatswood." Taiga paused, the word sounds familiar but he couldn't locate where he heard it. He shrugged before smiling widely to the kid, "and that's my magical 4-circle ring."

"Isn’t that ring bad luck?"

Taiga was surprised, he thought the kid couldn’t speak at all. "How is my magical 4-circle ring bad luck?"

"Because 4 is _shi,_ " the kid answered and Taiga wouldn't admit it but he never thought of that.

"W-well, my ring isn't Japanese-made so it defies superstitions." He smiled sweetly as the shinkansen pulled to their destination, Tokyo, he placed his ring back to his breast pocket before he stood up to get his luggage. Taiga went off ahead of everyone, he wanted this confession to be done and over with as he didn't think he would be able to sleep, Taiga looked on his phone and saw that it was almost 9:30 pm, he gotta moved fast if he wanted to catch his sensei awake. He was almost at the top of the escalator when he noticed a woman, riding an electric wheelchair, about to step into the escalator to go down. Taiga's eyes widen, he barely opened his mouth to stop her when the woman stumbled, and all Taiga could do was to take a leap.

***

"Hokuto, don't leave me."

Hokuto removed Shintaro's fingers, one-by-one, as it clung on his wrist like octopuses' tentacles. "It's just amebiasis, don't be too dramatic," Hokuto said when he freed himself, he almost had a heart attack earlier when he received that text message that Shintaro is on the brink of death, and when he arrived at Shintaro's room, the smell that came out of Shintaro's _behind_ could probably send Hokuto to the brink of death.

"Just amebiasis?" Shintaro is astonished. "Do you know how much I've pooped? I've been pooping even there's nothing to poop, but I'm still running to the toilet to poo-"

"Okay, okay, I heard and unfortunately, also smelled your poop so enough with the poop drama, visiting hours is over, I need to go home," Hokuto insisted.

"Why? You have no one else to go home to anyway, just stay for the night," Shintaro pleaded.

Hokuto paused, he didn't know why, but that bit about not having someone to go home stung, which made his resolve to go home even stronger.

"I'm going back tomorrow with the best porridge I know, but I have to go home for tonight." He saw how Shintaro struggled between being left alone and the temptation of having that porridge for breakfast, Shintaro's weakness is food that even though he got in this situation because of something he ate, he still wanted more food.

"Is it really the best porridge?" He asked timidly.

"It'll definitely be the last meal I would request if I'm on the death row."

Shintaro took a deep breath, "make it two, then."

"Good night, Shintaro," Hokuto said and bid him goodbye. He kept on yawning the moment he got into the elevator, he might as well take the taxi on his way back to this apartment. He turned right to the main lobby the moment he reached the ground floor, the lobby is empty, most of the lights are out except to the wing that leads to the Emergency Room where he saw two gurneys being wheeled-in surrounded by paramedics and hospital staff, he turned another right to the main entrance when his foot hit something that it bounced a few feet away from him. He walked over and bent down to retrieve it and his eyes went wide when he picked-up something very familiar to him.

_No._

He lifted the ring up, his finger traced its outer edge and felt the enameled engraving in shape of the waves, his fingers trembled as he unraveled the ring's armillary spheres; engraved on the inner part of the outer hoop is a motto written in Latin "sic itur ad astra", the next hoop engraved with symbols of the zodiac, the next one is Greek letters of alpha, beta, omega, and on the last sphere, engraved in fancy calligraphy, Chatswood, his family's title.

Hokuto looked around the empty hospital lobby, the past really has an uncanny way of connecting to the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- 4 is unlucky because it is sometimes pronounced shi, which is the word for death  
> \- Radio 1 is a BBC radio show where stars cover other songs, personal fave is Bruno Mars's covering Adele's "All I Ask", it's on YT too.  
> \- Speaking of YT, my inspiration for the 'escalator' scene is [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=je4WMNAzWcs). That man can really jump.


	19. Confession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized that I tagged this as slow-burn not just because the OTP is slow to progress but the writer is just as slow.

"You're everywhere, Kyomoto, everywhere! Everyone is talking about how you're not just a prince with a lovely voice, but you're also a hero!"

Taiga looked at his manager, Okabe, who glowed from the attention that Taiga has been getting for his heroic act. Taiga guessed he should be happy too, he went from being Kyomoto Masaki's son to the man who jumped down the escalator to save a woman. Who would have thought that one rash decision would turn the tide around?

"Okabe-san, does everyone in Japan knows what happened to me?" He asked, his eyes returned to the TV where he is the news.

"Of course everyone knows," Okabe answered, he looked shocked that Taiga would even ask such. "As long as they have TV, radio, newspaper, phone, and the internet, it's impossible that they wouldn't know."

_Then, could sensei have known?_ That was the only thing that mattered to Taiga as he glanced at the cracked screen of his phone, it was unsalvageable. He sighed and wondered if Matsumura-sensei has tried to reach him, what's the point of him being a hero when the only person he wanted to be beside him is nowhere near him?

"By the way, how is the woman that I saved?" He bravely asked because deep inside, he's afraid to know, it was a long escalator and by the time Taiga have caught up with her, she rolled for quite a distance.

"Oh, about that-"

"Taiga!" Okabe didn't finish as the gleeful faces of Kouchi and Jesse peeked behind the door, Taiga's face lit up and he suddenly felt like an ungrateful cad for looking for Matsumura-sensei when he has this kind of friends.

"I'm glad you two arrived," Okabe walked toward Taiga and took his broken phone, "I'm going to have this replaced," he said then he left the three of them.

"How are you?" Kouchi asked and he placed a three-layer bento box on the table, "your parents dropped-by the apartment before they went back to Osaka, your mom even cooked meals that could last for a week or two for us."

"Ah, yeah, I forgot to tell you that they were dropping-by, I told them to go back to Osaka since I'll be discharged tomorrow, anyway," Taiga lifted his hospital gown, and Kouchi and Jesse could only groan upon seeing his blackened bruises. "I have some contusions on my ribs and tummy, I also have bruises on my legs, a hairline fracture, and a superficial burn on my shin area."

Kouchi and Jesse both blanched after hearing the extent of his injuries. "Don't worry," Taiga said in what he hoped he sounded unperturbed, "but the doctor told me that I just need rest, I have no serious injuries in need of surgery." The two sighed in relief but they still looked a bit discomfited.

"Oh, I wanna see the woman whom I saved, Okabe didn't get to update me," Taiga said and Jesse quickly went to the corner of the door and unfolded a wheelchair.

"I don't need that," Taiga declared in horror as a flush crept upon his face.

"You said you have a fracture, so that means that you should refrain from walking right?" Kouchi reminded.

"Y-yes, but it's nothing serious, I just need to elevate-"

"It's okay, there's no need to be shy, senpai, it's just us," Jesse said and before Taiga could protest, Jesse swooped him on his arms and carried him to the wheelchair, then he propped his fractured leg up.

"Let's go!" Jesse announced and Kouchi opened the door for them, the hallway is quite full of people, and Kouchi embarrassed Taiga further as he loudly announced that an injured person is passing-by while his hands moved in a sweeping motion to open the path for them, and all Taiga could do was to lift his hospital gown up to the bridge of his nose and hopes that no one would recognize him.

***

"Hokuto, when I said two porridge, I meant two for me."

Hokuto passed his porridge to Shintaro, he lost all desire to eat as he watched the news where a CCTV is being shown on how Kyomoto Taiga pulled some John Wick moves as he tried to stop a disabled woman from a drastic fall. At the end of the footage, Kyomoto could be seen crushed under the woman who remained strapped on her motorized wheelchair, before the paramedics arrived at the scene.

> _Kyomoto Taiga's agency has released a statement that the known singer and musical actor is now in stable condition while for the woman he saved, the family wishes to keep her condition confidential…_

"Hokuto, Hokuto, Hokuto!"

"Yes?" Hokuto asked, his voice too small that it would be a miracle if Shintaro heard him.

"Are you okay? You've gotten pale."

"Really?" He asked even though he could feel that his hands have gotten cold. 

"If you're worried about Kyomoto, he's in this hospital."

"I'm not worr- he is here?"

Shintaro nodded as he ate the last bits of porridge, "Yep, I took a walk before you arrived and almost everyone in this hospital is talking about it."

"Ah, I see," he said and his eyes returned to the TV. 

"Look, Hokuto, I don't know what's stopping you, but you're obviously distraught after watching that news so why don't you do yourself a favor and go visit Kyomoto? Send my regards to him and say that he's really cool!" Shintaro gave a thumbs-up.

"It's okay," Hokuto said like a bad actor reading a line in the script, "I don't need to see him. Ah, you've finished the porridge, I'll buy another." He got up to leave, his mind continuously replays the scene where Kyomoto got crushed by the electric wheelchair, which must have hurt a lot, he wondered if he's alright and Hokuto could only curse himself for blocking Kyomoto on LINE and for ignoring his emails, he is an idiot.

"Eh, sensei?" Hokuto looked up from his phone and saw Kouchi smiling widely at him, Hokuto glanced around and saw that he has reached the Trauma Department and he has no idea how.

"You must be here to visit Taiga," Kouchi assumed, he looked too happy for someone with an injured friend, he hooked his arm on Hokuto before he could protest. "He went somewhere but he'll be back soon," he said and he must have pulled some tricks since he was able to expertly drag Hokuto to Kyomoto's room.

"Just wait here, sensei," Kouchi said and closed the door. Hokuto stood there like a man in a state of shock, he looked around the empty room and when he finally got to his senses that he shouldn't be there, the door opened with Kyomoto cursing while on a wheelchair.

***

The air felt heavy and Taiga found himself taking a deep breath and repeatedly clearing his throat because he felt like he couldn't breathe. The woman he saved is in critical condition, she hit her head several times as she tumbled down, and Taiga actually felt bad for only getting these kinds of injuries compared to what the woman has gotten.

"Senpai, we're here," Jesse announced when they reached his room. "My manager is calling me, I have to leave," Jesse quickly said and ran in the opposite direction. Taiga shook his head, he was too deep in his thoughts that he didn't realize he was already back in his room, but more than that, where is Kouchi and where did Jesse suddenly run off to?

"Those jerks, they put me on a wheelchair, and then they would just leave me here, those fucks-" Taiga stopped when he saw Matsumura-sensei inside his room after he loudly opened the door. "Sensei," Taiga quickly stood up and he could only scream _fuck_ when he felt electricity ran through his fractured leg that forced him back to sit down.

"Let me help you." His sensei ran behind him and give him a push inside.

"I'm fine over here," Taiga said when they reached the foot of his bed, he has no intention of asking his sensei to carry him on his bed, although he probably would want that. "Uhm, I didn't expect you to be here, sensei." Taiga felt giddy at the thought that his sensei looked for him until he learned that he is in this hospital.

"Oh, that, Shintaro is hospitalized here, I visited him when I learned what happened to you."

"Eh, how's Morimoto-sensei?" Taiga asked, his voice full of concern for his favorite author, even though he felt shammed that his sensei didn't look for him after all, it was all a coincidence.

"He's as strong as an ox, he wanted to say that you're cool," Matsumura said with a timid smile. "so, how are you?"

"I'm fine," Taiga answered quickly, "just some bruises but nothing that a good rest could fix," he said in his brightest perked-me-up voice.

Matsumura nodded, "That's nice to know, I mean, I'm really glad to see that you're okay."

Taiga half-smiled although it was really a smile of discomfort as one could clearly see and feel the awkwardness between them. Taiga swallowed hard, his eyes focused on his fractured leg before he spoke, "sensei, this might not be the right time for this, but I got in this position because of my brashness and who knows what I would next."

He took a deep breath and forced his eyes back to Matsumura, "Uhm, these past months made me realize how fragile things in life. When you're young, you feel invisible that the thought of dying never crossed my mind until I took that leap to saved that woman, and when she and her wheelchair fell on top of me, I was like, shit, I can't die yet, I haven't told sensei my feelings yet."

Taiga saw his sensei's eyes grew wide, he immediately stood-up from seating on the edge of the sofa, he looked ready to bolt for the bomb that Taiga would drop next.

"I like you, sensei, I like you Matsumura Hokuto- you don’t have to give me a reply," Taiga said quickly when he saw that his sensei was about to speak. "Well, not yet anyway, I'm still dealing with physical pain and I don't think I can handle more than that." He took another deep breath and relaxed his stance, "I'm really serious about my feelings, sensei, so I hope you'll think about it carefully."

***

"Kouchi," Taiga called.

"Hmmm?" Kouchi replied.

"Jesse," Taiga called.

"Hmmm?" Jesse replied.

"I hope you'll think about it carefully, did I sound like I was begging him to consider?" Taiga asked as he remained in a state of shock for the confession that he did.

"What are you talking about?" they both asked and glanced back at him, they were both on the sofa and pretending to read newspapers while Taiga is back on his bed, staring at nothingness.

Taiga rolled his eyes, "Oh please, don't embarrass me further by pretending that you weren't listening outside. You guys literally just dropped me off outside before disappearing to wherever, and when sensei left, you arrived after 30 seconds and you even have the gall to pretend that you never saw him in the hallway?"

Kouchi and Jesse looked at each other and both gave him a bitter smile.

"So, did I sound like I was begging him to consider?"

"If you asked it like that, were you expecting to be rejected?" Kouchi asked.

"Obviously," Taiga answered, his confidence dropped to the negative. "Sensei already had an answer ready when I confessed that it could only mean no." He took a deep breath and sighed.

"It could also be yes," Jesse seconded.

"I don't think so, it's easier to reject someone than to accept their feelings, and if he has an answer that quickly, then it only means that he wouldn't even think about it."

"Don't worry, you were kinda begging but it wasn't desperation yet," Kouchi assured him but it didn't give Taiga any comfort.

"I disagree," Jesse quipped. "I think senpai was just being honest."

"Yeah, honestly begging, " Kouchi replied.

Taiga ran his fingers on his hair and shook it, his first-ever confession to a guy is turning to be his most embarrassing moment, and then, he remembered something, "OMG! OMG! OMG! My ring, my ring! Where's my ring?" Taiga rummaged his bed and the bedside drawer.

"What ring are you talking about?" Kouchi asked.

"My magical 4-circle ring!" Taiga exclaimed. "It was in my breast pocket, do you think I lost it at the station when I jumped? Or probably at the ambulance?"

"Relax, Taiga, you can ask Okabe when he arrives. What is this ring anyway? I never thought you have any interest in jewelry."

"Oh, it's something that I inherited from my great grandmother," Taiga shut his eyes tight and sigh, "I hope someone has found it."


	20. Fireworks

When Hokuto realized that he is on his third life, morbid it might seem, but he began looking at death with a mixture of curiosity and trepidation. Would his death be like his past where his body was buried in the depths of the ocean? Would it be another accident that would hit the global news? Would he be given a proper burial this time around? He has been looking forward to his death that he didn't stop and think about the people he would be leaving, he didn’t even consider the feelings of his family and closest friends, he always assumed that they would be fine, they would move on, and they would forget. Until he met Kyomoto.

The moment Hokuto saw Kyomoto in a wheelchair, he could feel all the walls he put up around him started to crumble and all he wanted to do was hugged him until he complained. He wanted to scold him for not thinking before he acted, he wanted to say that he should stop acting rashly; first, he was jumping on balconies, and now on escalators, what's next? But he also wanted to praise him, tell him that he was so brave and so selfless that he would think to save someone else's life even though it put him in danger.

But Hokuto didn't do any of that, he chose to be a coward and stood there like a wallflower while Kyomoto bravely confessed his feelings for him. It's funny how Kyomoto wanted him for the opposite reason he chose not to be with him, Kyomoto talked about how life is short so he confessed his feelings, while Hokuto is holding his feelings because life is short and that his days are numbered. Two different reasons but they harbor the same feeling, in fact, if Kyomoto didn't stop him from replying, he might have said yes, he might have thrown logic and everything else and just selfishly be with him.

"Hmmm, no one has claimed the ring yet," the woman at the security office told Hokuto when he inquired about it. "Don't worry, we have a retention policy and if no one claimed it after 30 days it will be reverted to you, and if you chose not to claimed it then it would be auction off and the earnings will be donated here at the hospital."

"Ah, uhm, is there a way to search for the owner of the ring? Like, could you possibly advertise it around in the hospital?"

The woman shook his head, "we don't really do that especially with valuable items since a lot of people might try to claim it and it'll be inconvenient for us to check for proof. However, we won't stop you from doing it on your own, like posts it on your SNS, but you also have to do the checking for that."

Hokuto returned to his apartment looking crestfallen, it has been a week since he left the ring and no one has claimed it. He didn't want to entertain the thought that the owner must have died so no one is claiming it, after all, he found it in the hospital.

_Boom!_

Hokuto immediately ducked when he heard an explosion, those who were also waiting for the elevator gave him furtive glances mixed with giggles, one of them dragged her friend to the stairwell while complaining that the fireworks might be over before the elevators could get to the ground. Hokuto forced himself to smile as he stood up, he flinched as another explosion sounded nearby, he forgot all about the Hanabi festival, and the mere sound of fireworks is enough to send his body to flight or fight mode.

The elevator opened and he was greeted by Kyomoto in a yukata who shyly greeted him. Hokuto merely nodded and rushed inside the elevator, he needed to be back in his apartment as he could feel his nerves ready to jump from another explosion. He shut his eyes tight and began deep breathing the moment he pressed his floor number, his hands balled to a fist as he tried to regain control of the present. When he heard the fifth pinged, he knew he has reached his floor, he bolted out of the elevator, tried to open his door using his keys but his fingers trembled when a series of explosions happened. Hokuto literally threw his body on the floor, his hands and arms covered his head, while his mind screamed _Stop!_ every time an explosion would happen.

Hokuto remained in that position, cold sweat ran from his face, when he felt someone pry his keys from him, he saw his door opened and felt someone's arms around him, he helped him stand, and say, "let's get inside, sensei, I think it'll be safer in there."

***

"You jerk! You said you're just going to buy dried squid, where the heck are you?"

Taiga flinched when he heard Kouchi's voice at the end of the line, "I'm at sensei's place," he whispered and glanced back at the bathroom where his sensei has locked himself since they went in.

"What the-? Why are you there?"

"It's a long story, I promise to tell everything later, bye." He ended the call and walked to the bathroom, he contemplated on knocking or if it's better to leave him alone, but not that alone. Taiga checked his phone, the fireworks would go on for another 60 minutes, would his sensei be okay? Should he force himself inside or would that add to his obvious distress?

It was good judgment on his part when he decided not to go to the konbini but follow his sensei, he recalled that one moment when he saw him crouched down and in distress, it was also the first time he called him Elise, and he saw the same look in his sensei when he entered the elevator. He wasn't even aware that Taiga re-entered the elevator as he kept his eyes shut the entire ride. Taiga was planning on getting his attention when they reached his floor but he saw him crouched down and covered his head as though he was protecting himself from someone who threw a grenade.

Taiga never thought that someone could actually have fireworks phobia and he felt double the stress that his sensei felt as he had no idea how to help him. Would singing comfort him? Can his voice even overpower the sound of the distant fireworks? Taiga kept on fidgeting and he was really clueless about what he should do when he heard the sound of his sensei's doorbell, he went to the door and was surprised to see Morimoto-sensei.

"Ah, Morimoto-sensei," he greeted his favorite author with a bow.

"Hi, Kyomo, is Hokuto in?" He asked while led himself inside.

"Yes, he's been in the bathroom since we got inside. Uhm, did he call you here? What's happening?"

"He'll be fine," Morimoto answered instead. "Thank you for your help, but I'll look after him, you can go back to your apartment."

"It's okay," Taiga said quickly, "I want to stay here," he insisted.

"Uhm, Kyomo, can you just go? Please," Morimoto-sensei said in a mixture of pleading and ordering him.

"Matsumura-sensei doesn't want me here?" His voice croaked and his eyes started to well-up with that realization.

"Let's just say that he doesn't think he would want to see you yet after he gets out of the bathroom," Morimoto said carefully. "Don't worry, I'll take care of him."

Taiga sighed, he took one good look back at the bathroom door, before he left with a heavy heart.

***

"How much?"

Hokuto took the bottle of water from Shintaro, he looked at his bedside clock and saw that it was past 10 in the morning. He closed his eyes, he never slept this long.

"What do you mean how much?" Hokuto opened the water bottle and proceeded to drink.

"How much have you withhold from me about your past? What happened to you last night isn't normal, Hokuto, you were delirious and agitated."

Hokuto took a deep breath, "I sometimes suffer from anxiety attacks and PTSD because of my tragic past, fireworks usually trigger my PTSD because it made me recall about the war, not just recall it, I really felt like I was back in the war," he said and flinched before finishing his water.

"And you've been living like this since forever?" Shintaro asked, his eyes and voice in disbelief.

"Sorry," he gazed downward, "it has been hard, harder because I can't expect others to understand, let alone believe me, so I learned to cope with it."

"Hokuto, locking yourself in the bathroom is not a sign that you've learned to cope with it, really, you need professional help, you can't live like this forever-"

"I'm okay," Hokuto insisted, he didn't want this psychological conversation to get longer. "Please, Shintaro, I'm really fine. I'm sorry I made you worry, but I'll be fine."

Shintaro squinted his eyes and drew his face closer to Hokuto that he could smell his morning breath, "you're not hiding more secrets from me, right?"

Hokuto simply nodded his head. Shintaro drew his face back before he stood up. "Anyway, I have to go back home because I miss my Shelly. I bought you some porridge it's on your table." He was almost at Hokuto's bedroom door when he turned back. "Oh, you're obviously trying to avoid Kyomoto but be sure to thank him for helping you. Frankly, he handled your situation pretty well," Shintaro reminded.

Hokuto sighed, "frankly, too, I-I don't know how to face him." Hokuto covered his face with his hands, last night was the second time that Kyomoto saw him in distress, and he hated that Kyomoto has twice seen him at his weakest. He felt the part of his bed sagged and saw Shintaro's face up close to his. "You said you were leaving."

"Yeah, but I just remembered, you lied to me, you saw Kyomoto back at the hospital, right? Right?" He taunted, his eyes glistened with malice.

"Y-yes, I did see him." Hokuto backed-away a bit until he reached the headboard.

"And what did you talk about?" Shintaro further inquired. 

Hokuto swallowed hard, "nothing, I mean, nothing of importance."

"Ah, okay," Shintaro said even though he still looked unconvinced. "Life is really too short for humans to learned their lesson."

Hokuto scowled, "what are you talking about?"

Shintaro scoffed, "nothing, I mean, nothing of importance."

***

When Taiga saw Matsumura-sensei buried under a pile of books, he began to think if his sensei's original intention in meeting him was to give him a tutorial for the classes he missed. He even wore his leather jacket, the same jacket he wore when he kissed him, not because he wanted to remind him of what transpired before, but because he thinks the jacket is lucky.

"Oh, Kyomoto," his sensei said and adjusted his glasses, "take a seat."

Taiga nodded and sat opposite of his sensei, he looked around the empty library and wondered, maybe he really got the wrong idea.

"Sorry if I'm meeting you here, I needed to start preparing for the finals," Matsumura said while he typed with expertise on his laptop, he didn't even look on the keyboard and on the screen as he copied something from the book.

"It's fine, sensei, it's actually my first time here," Taiga paused when he realized what he said. "I mean, it's my first time in the library after a long time," he finished with a shaky laugh. "By the way, sensei, are you okay now?"

His sensei's fingers paused in mid-air from typing, "yes, uhm, thank you for doing what you did last night." He stopped typing, closed his laptop, and faced Taiga, he could see darkened circles underneath his sensei's eyes and that he looked pale. "Uhm, it's quite hard for me to explain what happened-"

"It's okay, you don’t have to explain if you can't, we all have demons that we have to deal with," Taiga said with a shrug, he wouldn't give his sensei added stress by asking about it.

"I must have scared you."

Taiga quickly shook his head, "not as scared as I was for you." It was somewhat the truth, there was no need for his sensei to know how his hands shook and his heart rate skyrocketed beyond the human limit when he saw him ducked and covered before he helped him inside his apartment.

Matsumura gave him a half-smile, "I don't deserve you, Kyomoto."

Taiga swallowed hard. "You don't need to deserve me, just let me stay by your side."

"I can't," Matsumura said with a shook of his head, "I can't accept your feelings for me."

"Why?" Taiga croaked as he fought back the tears. "Is there anything you don't like about me? I can change that-"

"No, Kyomoto, there's nothing for you to change. It's me, I'm the problem-"

"Is it about what happened to you last night? I can deal with that, just tell me, let's overcome it together." Taiga knew he sounded like he was begging, but fuck it, he will beg.

"Kyomoto, please don't make this harder for me."

Taiga squeezes his eyes shut and quickly wiped the tear that fell, "then, just give me a reason, sensei, don't be like that those haters who hate someone for nothing, give me something."

Matsumura took a deep breath, opened his laptop, and typed something before he showed it to Taiga. Taiga automatically squinted when he saw what looked like a book scan of what could resemble a dictionary but instead of words, this one has surnames.

"BrookesPeerage.com," he reads. "What's this?" He asked, utterly confused.

"Look for the part that I highlighted," Matsumura directed.

Taiga saw the yellow highlight and read, "Wentworth of Devonshire (Chatswood, E)". Taiga leaned his head on his side, "uhm, what's this supposed to mean?"

Matsumura closed his laptop and stared directly at him, "you know me now as Matsumura Hokuto, but before I was known as Rudolf Furstenberg, and before that, I was known as Alexander Wentworth, Earl of Chatswood."

Complete silence followed, even the air seemed to have stopped blowing. "I-I don't understand," Taiga said when he recovered, he leaned closer and whispered, "are you a spy? Are those your other identities?"

"Yes, those are my other identities, but no, I'm not a spy, those are my identities in my past life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I have no idea what to use as a title for this one so....  
> -Taiga is too pure 😭


	21. He who knows

Shintaro is a special case but there were two instances when Hokuto shared his secret, both of which to someone close to him. The first one he shared his secret was his own mother from his second life, but instead of sympathizing with his plight, his mother deduced that his brain rotted because he'd been friends to Jews, and his mother decided that Hitler Youth would be the answer to straightened his mind. Germany lost the war, and as luck would have it, his family managed to buy their way to Britain thanks to their fortune, and when Hokuto proved that his past memories were correct, his mother still refused to believe him and even forcibly had him enter a sanitarium where he had experienced what could only be classified as an inhumane way of treating mental illness.

The second time Hokuto shared his secret was when he started training as a pilot for BOAC, he shared a secret to a senior whom he respected and even considered a close friend, but just like his own mother, his senior started treating him indifferently until eventually, he started treating him as though he has an incurable and contagious disease. Since then, Hokuto learned that the surefire way of turning people away from him is by telling them the truth, the truth that is crazy enough that even his own mother turned him away. Now in his third life, the fourth person he chose to divulge his secret is Kyomoto.

Kyomoto blinked hard, the eerie silence in the library made Hokuto aware of his pounding heartbeat that hasn't stopped since Kyomoto sat there.

"Your past life?" Kyomoto asked in a mixture of astonishment and subtle sarcasm.

"I know its hard for you to believe or even underst-"

"What does got to do with my feelings for you?" Kyomoto interjected.

Now it’s Hokuto's turn to blink hard, "Didn't you hear what I said? I-I'm not a normal person and your main concern is your feelings for me?"

"Yes," he answered, his brown eyes never leaving Hokuto's. "This might sound like a cliché considering that you're rejecting me for such a unique reason, but I don't care how many past you have, I only care that I'm in your present."

Hokuto swallowed hard, he could feel his heartstrings being tugged in all directions, but all those strings lead to Kyomoto as he stared at him with so much warmth, Hokuto felt embarrassed to be rejecting him, it should be Kyomoto who rejected him.

"Elise is part of that past," Hokuto began and he could see Kyomoto's lips formed to a thin line. "It might be just a past to you, but it's part of me that I could never forget," Hokuto shook his head, "no, it's a part of me that I would never allow myself to forget. Call it penance but it would always be her." Hokuto dug his nails on his leg when he said that, he deserved this pain.

"Always her? Have you never thought of me even once?"

"No," Hokuto answered as his moments with Taiga replayed like a reel rewind.

"Why do I feel like you're lying to me?"

Hokuto shrugged, "you can believe what you want to believe, in fact, I'm not expecting you to believe me, but I wanted to make my feelings clear, I don't feel that way for you."

Taiga took a deep breath, his eyes glistened with tears that Hokuto hates himself more.

"Excuse me," was all Kyomoto said before he stood-up and leave. The moment Hokuto heard the sound of the closing door, he let his own tears fall.

***

"I'm so sorry Kouchi, I'm sorry," Taiga said and hugged his best friend.

"Why are you apologizing to me?" Kouchi asked and turned to Jesse who just shrugged and drank, it was perfect timing that he and Jesse were in the grocery when Taiga told them that he would be meeting Matsumura-sensei, and for some reason, they just felt that this is their dreaded day that Taiga would be rejected. Yes, it was awful of them to assume such, but it was good that they were prepared. The moment Taiga entered the apartment, he just stood there as though he was lost, and Kouchi and Jesse just knew.

"When you got rejected before, I told you that it was stupid of you to cry over someone who rejected you because she thinks you were too nice, but look at me now, I'm crying over that Matsumura who rejected me because he couldn't forget this Elise and that because he has a fucking past life. Does that make sense? I think I should congratulate him for such a unique rejection reason, it would surely go down in history!" Taiga raged on before he drank another beer straight.

Kouchi sighed, he wanted to complain why Taiga has to bring up his rejection history until he saw Jesse trying to control his fit of laughter.

"Just laugh or you might die from holding it in," Kouchi said sarcastically, Taiga has finished two bottles and he knew that it's only a matter of time before he would drop dead, alcohol is never his strong suit.

"But you know, he could be telling the truth," Kouchi said that Taiga and Jesse both stared at him for his asinine remark. "Well, I admit that it's over the top, but you believe in those strange stories by that Morimoto-sensei, so it might not be that far-fetched." Kouchi winced inwardly, he also didn't believe what he said but 250,000 Yen is at stake. It should be none of his business, but he wanted to talk to Matsumura, like, man, if he's going reject someone, he should have at least gave Taiga a more plausible reason. Is Taiga that bad that he has to construe some out-of-this-world excuse?

Jesse immediately scoffed, "assuming that what sensei told about his past is true, would that change anything about his feelings for senpai? Sensei specifically told senpai that he has no feelings for him," Jesse bit back.

"He could be lying about his feelings," Kouchi defended.

"And why would he lie about his feelings? His ex is part of his past, what's stopping him from answering senpai's feelings? What? It could only mean that he doesn't have anything for senpai."

"Stop it," Taiga said and glared at them, "you guys don't have to rub it in that I got rejected over the ghost of his girlfriend's past."

"Ghost of the girlfriend's past? Why? Is this girlfriend already dead?" Jesse asked, his eyes getting smaller as he also struggled with his low alcohol tolerance.

"Who knows?" Taiga drank another beer and Kouchi felt like applauding him for getting to his third bottle. "I didn't bother asking, I envy her actually, imagine having that love and loyalty from a guy after all these years."

Kouchi is not impressed. "Is it really love or guilt? He did say something about penance, right? Maybe he did something unforgivable to her," he paused when a realization hit him, "and maybe he's doing you a favor by rejecting you because he might do that to you as well."

Taiga squinted, "what do you mean, Kouchi?"

They heard Jesse clapped his hands, "I knew it! Matsumura-sensei is a vampire! He's probably 100 years old now and he transformed his ex into a vampire and now she hates him because she realized she didn’t want to be a vampire." Jesse grinned, Kouchi simply shook his head from the sheer stupidity of Jesse's hypothesis, and when he turned to Taiga, he saw sparked in his eyes.

"I want to be a vampire, I'll tell sensei that my neck is ripe for biting." He got up and he couldn't even walk in a straight line as he zigzagged and fumbled his way to the door.

"Stop him, will you?" Kouchi asked Jesse when he saw that Okabe has been calling Taiga's phone, he picked it up and went to the balcony to answer it.

"Kyomoto-kun."

"Uhm, this is Kouchi, sorry, now is not the right time to speak to Taiga. He's quite occupied right now," he said and saw that the two people with low alcohol tolerance were almost crawling on the floor as Jesse kept on pulling Taiga back to the living room. 

"Oh, Kouchi! Then, would you relay this message to him?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Tell him that his magical-whatever ring has been found! It's been at the hospital all along! I'm now preparing a feast for everyone at the Tokyo station because they were kind enough to remove the escalator piece-by-piece and returned it again just to find Kyomo's ring when it was never there."

"Oh, that's nice, I'll tell him about it later, is it now in your hands?"

"Unfortunately no, that's also the reason why I'm calling, the hospital wouldn't give it to me since they were asking questions about the ring, you know, proof of ownership and I guess only Kyomo could answer them."

Kouchi nodded, "okay, I'm pretty sure he'll be in good mood the moment he heard about his ring." He looked back inside where, as expected, Taiga and Jesse are simply knocked down on the floor. 

***

"Okay, do you have any questions?"

Hokuto pretended that he didn't see Kyomoto raised his hand even though he's the only one who raised his hand. He looked around the class hoping that someone else has a question aside from Kyomoto but obviously no one had any, in fact, Hokuto felt like the entire class is waiting for him to call Kyomoto.

Hokuto took a deep breath before turning to Kyomoto, "Yes, Kyomoto-kun, do you have a question?"

"Yes, I have a question, " he adjusted his glasses before he glanced to his book, a book that isn't their prescribed textbook, he tapped his highlighter on a certain part before he glanced back at him. "What is Napoleon Bonaparte's last meal when he was exiled in St. Helene?"

The entire class erupted to a confused buzz, Jesse's loyalty to Kyomoto held on as he loudly commented on what an interesting question it was.

"Kyomoto-kun, we're now discussing contemporary Europe which involves the formation of NATO and the EU, why would you ask that kind of question?" Hokuto asked with gritted teeth.

"Oh, you don't know the answer to that?" He quipped before letting out a disappointing sigh. He leafed through his book before turning his attention back to him, "I'll change my question then, how many years did Queen Victoria wore black and went into mourning for his husband, Prince Albert?"

The class buzzed went from confusion to curiosity from Kyomoto's questions while Jesse remained supportive and repeatedly commented on what an interesting question it was. Hokuto let out a sigh, he knew all the answers to Kyomoto's questions, but his pride wouldn't let him answer those, he knew that Kyomoto is merely testing him out of spite and he wouldn't give him that satisfaction.

"If I may ask, Kyomoto-kun, why do you need an answer to those questions that were clearly not relevant to our lessons?"

"Because I'm angry, I'm very angry right now," he said and the entire class fell silent. Kyomoto then feigned a laugh but his voice is laced with sarcasm, "I mean, I'm angry that I was not present during most of our lessons so I felt like I didn't learn anything yet from you, sensei."

Hokuto swallowed hard, the bell rang, and everyone literally bolted out of the door as though they felt that a volcano might erupt anytime soon, even Jesse reluctantly bid both of them goodbye, before he dashed out of the door. Hokuto packed-up his things and didn't pay Kyomoto any heed as he remained seated behind his desk.

"That was so immature of me, I'm sorry," Hokuto heard him say but he didn't bother to reply, he wanted to be out of this room as soon as possible. Contrary to what Kyomoto believed and felt, he's not the only one dealing with rejection right now, Hokuto has been hating himself since he rejected him.

"Sensei," Hokuto heard him but he chose to ignore him, he zipped up his bag and proceeded to leave.

"Just fail me in this class, I just don't have the energy to attend the last two classes before the finals."

Hokuto tightened his hold on the doorknob, "suit yourself," he said and left the room.

***

Taiga gave himself a week to "mourned" over his rejection, it would be a week in 2 days and he doesn't think that he would get over this anytime soon. He knew he should stop acting like someone who was jilted on their wedding day, but he felt so down that even his favorite Conan wouldn't put a smile on his face.

"I'm sorry we asked you those questions, I mean, we just need to be sure that the astronomical ring is really yours."

Taiga gave the woman at the security office a smile before he resumed answering the forms, then he stopped writing. "I'm sorry, uhm, what did you call my ring?"

"Astronomical ring?"

Taiga blinked hard.

"Oh, I'm sorry again, I just referred to it based on how the finder called it, is it not an astronomical ring?"

Taiga felt silly for calling it something as childish as a "magical 4-circle ring", the astronomical ring sounded so posh and smart.

"Well, it's my grandmother's so I never knew what it was called, I thought it was just a ring." The woman nodded and Taiga resumed in completing the form.

"Actually, no offense meant, Kyomoto-san-"

"Its okay, please go on," Taiga encouraged.

"Well, the person who found your ring seemed very knowledgeable about it. In fact, he even gave me a short lecture about it that I was tempted to ask if he's sure that the ring is not his."

"Short lecture? Like what?"

"Oh, about the symbols in the ring, about how and why and whom it was made, things that I'm not even sure where he had gotten from, he did say he's a history teacher, but the details he knew about the ring is too specific that I don't think even history books has that information."

Taiga's hand stopped in mid-air, his heart pounded hard when he heard the _history teacher_. "By the way, did he leave any contact details? I want to thank him," he said before he submitted the form back to the lady.

"Oh, yes, he insisted that once the ring has been picked up that the owner calls him. He did say that he's not interested in any rewards or whatever, he just has questions. I'll go get it." The woman went to the back and Taiga couldn't relax for some reason, when the woman returned with his astronomical ring in a ziplock, he was more interested in knowing who found his ring, and his eyes widen when he learned the person's identity.

"Thank you for safekeeping my ring, I'll make sure to contact the person who found it," he said and bid her goodbye.

***

Shintaro could only laugh while he drafted his Strange Stories Vol VII, his short stay in the hospital has been all worth it, the hospital is a treasure trove of strange stories from scary to miraculous. If he finished this Vol. VII before his Vol. VI, then Hokuto's story would be the Vol. VII then.

He sighed with regret, Hokuto's story had stalled because the idiot fell in love and he wouldn't admit it, and Shintaro had this sneaking suspicion that there is something bigger and Hokuto had been keeping it from him. He stopped typing and stretched his arms, he wanted to press Hokuto for more details but he was afraid that he might distance himself from him, and Shintaro doesn't want that, he didn't want to leave Hokuto alone even though he acts like he wanted to be alone. 

He heard his doorbell rang and he immediately ran to the door, he had been waiting for his Uber Eats so imagined to his surprise when he opened his door and outside is one of the reasons why his Vol. VI had to be put on hold.

"Konbanwa, Morimoto-sensei," he raised his hand to show Shintaro two huge plastic bags, which carry the logo from a restaurant which he likes. He also ordered from the said restaurant but they declined to do delivery at his place because it was too far.

"K-Kyomo! My biggest fan! This is a surprise, how did you know where I live?" He exclaimed, his voice two octaves higher, and he hoped that he didn't sound nervous at all.

"I'm sorry for intruding, sensei, but I need your help regarding Matsumura-sensei, or shall I call him in his first name? It's too long, but I can clearly recall, Chatswood," he said and Shintaro had never seen him this serious. 

Shintaro swallowed hard and opened his door wide, "please, come inside."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Since I've already written one in Juri's POV, I might as well write one for Shintaro.  
> -Planning not to update until I've written the ending, so hopefully you still know the story until that time.

**Author's Note:**

> -This is a WIP (again!)  
> -Thank you for reading.


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